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Date Posted: 09:05:53 05/01/08 Thu
Author: andypandy
Author Host/IP: 161.112.232.22
Subject: Little Ralphy

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Ralphy says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Ralphy replies, "The correct answer is "the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."


LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little Ralphy returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies Ralphy

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!" replies Ralphy


LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Ralphy says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Ralphy, that's a mouthful."

To which little Ralphy replies, "No Miss, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Ralphy.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little Ralphy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Ralphy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"

To which little Ralphy replied, "No actually he didn't, he minded his own fucking business.


I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!!!

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Replies:

[> Hee. I especially like the last one! -- Kashmanik, 18:06:58 05/01/08 Thu [1] (79.68.8.74)


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[> [> heh, so do I, the first and last are my favourites!! -- andypandy, 20:15:22 05/01/08 Thu [1] (82.30.76.72)


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