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london (manager)
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London Escorts
Date Posted: 18:17:40 08/10/06 Thu
London Escorts
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I’m in Stelios’s easyEverything internet cafe, having a day wandering around Central London. At lunchtime I was stuck in a queue behind two Australian tourists bitching that their hotel breakfasts cost £23. For a sausage, two eggs and a roll.
That’s £23 per person. Quite who only offers one sausage for breakfast these days I don’t know, but that’s not the point.
One tourist asked me directions, which were given, and then they promptly wandered in exactly the opposite direction, so absence of braincells may have had something to do with their predicament. Still, charging somebody who doesn’t know any better the combined annual wage of a small Russian city for the privilege of eating bangers three miles from where the Queen lives is about as morally justified as making jam from puppies.
As a Londoner, I’m embarassed by my city’s attitude to tourists. Too often, when I’m abroad and tell people I’m from London, people say, “Oh… I didn’t like the food much. And it was really expensive” or moan that they spent £98 to say in a tiny room on a roundabout in Wandsworth.
I want to grab them by both shoulders and scream: “Repeat after me! Garfunkels is not a restaurant! It’s a farm where they connect tourists’ nipples to giant milking machines while feeding them food that would disgrace an M11 service station!” But local laws frequently prevent me from doing so.
London Transport is complicit in this big tourist-ripoff plan too. Tube fares are double the price if you pay for them in cash. And who has time to explain what a Travelcard is to somebody who just wants to go to Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace and Westminster?
If you’ve just Googled in here and you’re planning a trip to London, listen. This city has some of the most amazing food, drink, clubs and entertainment. Here’s the rule of thumb — none of it is in Leicester Square.
Try going down a couple of side roads. Get lost. Go into somewhere by accident. That’s how you always find the best things, and how I’ve found the four or five places I only ever go to in central London.
And if you ask somebody directions, please don’t then head off the opposite way. We will think you’re silly.
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