| Subject: Episode 2.2: Mashed |
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Team Bravo
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Date Posted: 10:11:20 05/27/02 Mon
LIFE IN GENERAL
EPISODE 2.2: MASHED
SCENE ONE: Group lands in Renaissance by a stage. They are dressed in period clothing. Several
men are scrambling around in a panic
MAN 1
The Lord will surely have our heads for this
MAN 2
We have the instruments, but no performers...who can we find to take over?
MAN 3
(Points to the group)
I have not seen those people before...maybe we can convince them to preform
MAN 2
How are you going to do that?
MAN 3
Trust me...
(The men walk over to the group) You there...(points to Ashe) What is your name, boy?
ASHE
Ashe...
MAN 1
Gather your group together, you're on in 10 minutes
ELLIE
On? On where?
(They point to the stage)
ASHE
Oh no...you've got the wrong guy...I mean, we've never even played those instruments before!
MAN 3
You WILL get up there and preform
ELIJAH
What if we refuse?
(MAN 3 points to a guillotine)
ASHE
Right...well...(looks at stage)..I have a brilliant idea!
ELLIE
Oh no..
ASHE
What?
ELLIE
The last brilliant idea you had began with 'I shall call it Team Bravo'
ASHE
What was wrong with that idea?
SAM
I assume you're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, EVERYTHING!
ASHE
Just follow me (Reluctantly they follow Ashe onto the stage)...Ok, Richard, you take the drums. Ellie,
you know the piano don't you?
ELLIE
I haven't played in about five years...
ASHE
Yeah well...it'll come back to you. Elijah, do you know how to play any instruments?
ELIJAH
Not really
ASHE
Oh come on, you have to know something
ELIJAH
Well, I used to play the spoons when I was a boy...
(He is given a blank stare)
ALEC
The spoons?
ASHE
Ok well...it's something...Alec, do you play anything?
ALEC
The cello
ASHE
The cello?
ALEC
Just shutup and give it to me
ASHE
Ok...well, I know the violin. Sam you can sing the lead...we'll be singing 'Walking on Broken Glass' I
assume you know it
SAM
You assume too much if you actually thought I was gonna go along with this
ASHE
One word...guillotine
SAM
And a one and a two...
(They successfully preform the song. Richard was a maniac on the drums and needed a five minute
drum solo, which was ended when a member of the crowd threw a rock at him, which hit him in the
head and knocked him off the stool. He climbed back on the stool and finished the song. After they
finished, they joined the crowd)
MAN 1
That was very...interesting music
MAN 2
I just received word that the Lord wishes you to join him in his castle
ALEC
Am I correct in assuming that is a good thing?
MAN 3
Yes. Lord Vader rarely requests visits
ELLIE
(Ashe and Ellie exchange unimpressed glances)
Lord Vader?
ASHE
What exactly does Lord Vader look like?
MAN 1
No one knows, for he has never been seen without his helmet
ASHE
(To Ellie playfully)
I can't imagine why...
ELLIE
(Playing along)
I'm filled with awe and wonder...
SCENE TWO: Lord Vader's castle. A man sits in a large chair in front of the group. He is dressed
completely in black, along with a long black cape and a black knight's helmet on. He is breathing like
Darth Vader on Star Wars. He makes a motion for the guards to leave the room
SAM
This is just ridiculous
CAMPBELL
Silence!
ELLIE
You know, Professor Campbell, I'm not very impressed with this whole get up you've got going on
here...I'm disappointed in you
CAMPBELL
I find your lack of faith disturbing
SAM
I find your lack of intelligence disturbing...
ASHE
(To Ellie)
Where do you think he's going with this?
ALEC
Oh sure...when HE recites lines no one cares...but if I do it...
ASHE/ELLIE
Shutup!
CAMPBELL
Samantha..you have grown into a fine young woman...
ELLIE
Oh, please tell me he didn't just make a pass at her
ASHE
I don't think it was a pass...more like a father-daughter complement
SAM
You say that like I care about your opinion
CAMPBELL
...You're much like you're father...
SAM
What would you know about my father?
CAMPBELL
Your mother never told you what happened to your father...
ELLIE
Uh oh..
ASHE
Uh huh...I know where this is going...
SAM
What? What are you talking about? She told me he died
CAMPBELL
No...I am your father
SAM
What? No...that's no true...that's...that's impossible!
ELLIE
Not as dramatic...but then again...it's Sam
CAMPBELL
Search your feelings, you know it to be true
SAM
No! This is stupid! (hears his breathing) And take that damn helmet off! (Campbell removes his
helmet)
CAMPBELL
Samantha...I am your father
SAM
This is absurd!
CAMPBELL
Your mother was a delicate flower...
SAM
Oh...Ew! You are revealing that which should never be spoken to your offspring!
ELLIE
So you admit that Campbell is your father
SAM
I did no such thing! He's probably Ashe's father...they're more alike
ASHE
Nope, sorry Sam...I already have a father
SAM
Well, then...Ellie...Ellie is your daughter! Yes, that's it. Ellie was always your favorite...she never got
kicked out of class
ELLIE
Good behavior...you should try it
SAM
Nonsense!
CAMPBELL
I have some rooms prepared for all of you. Maybe you should get some rest to let the information sink
in
SAM
No! Nothing is going to sink in!
ALEC
Oh I wouldn't say that...
(Sam Elbows him in the gut)
ASHE
A night in a castle...we're finally getting the treatment we deserve (Ellie raises an eyebrow at him)...ok,
maybe not deserve...
SCENE THREE: Ellie and Elijah's room. Elijah is laying on top of the covers of the bed wearing black
pants and an unbuttoned red, velvet top. Ellie is wearing a dark red night gown
ELIJAH
This is amazing...
ELLIE
What is?
ELIJAH
This whole experience. Do you realize we are the only people on Earth who can say they have been
to both Heaven and Hell?
ELLIE
And back again...
ELIJAH
We are boldly going where no man has gone before
ELLIE
(Laughs as she sits next to him and makes the Vulcan symbol)
Live long and prosper
ELIJAH
What?
ELLIE
Nothing...sometimes I forget how much you've missed
ELIJAH
(Wraps his arms around her)
What time are you from?
ELLIE
The 21st century
ELIJAH
The 21st century! Wow...I would love to see it
ELLIE
You can you know...(He smiles at her and kisses her)
ELIJAH
You possess such a desire to return to home...haven't you ever wanted to find out what era is perfect
for you? Which era you would be happiest in?
ELLIE
I think everybody wonders that at some point...but we are put in a certain time for a reason, I think...
ELIJAH
What if we weren't? What if this book is giving us the opportunity to choose our own era?
ELLIE
Is that why you came? To find the perfect era for your life?
ELIJAH
(Smiles at her)
I found you...(kisses her) When I'm with you, time doesn't exist (Ellie blushes and they kiss again.
There is a knock at the door)
ELLIE
(Sighs)
Come in...
(Ashe enters looking rather annoyed)
What is it?
ASHE
(flops down on a chair near Ellie's side of the bed)
If I spend one more minute around that simple minded freak, I'm seriously gonna snap
ELIJAH
What'd Richard do this time?
ELLIE
Does it really matter? Just Richard's presence annoys Ashe
ASHE
Where's Alec?
(Ellie smirks at him)
What?
ELLIE
Suddenly you care?
ASHE
Spare me the speech, Ellie
ELLIE
I think he's in Sam's room
ASHE
What would he be doing in there?
ELLIE
I think he's trying to find Sam's soft side...
ASHE
Yeah...good luck with that...(He watches Ellie and Elijah for a moment)...Ellie can I talk to you for a
minute?
ELLIE
Sure
ASHE
...Alone
ELLIE
(hesitates for a minute, then follows Ashe into the hall. Ashe shuts the door behind them)
What's up?
ASHE
What are you doing?
ELLIE
...getting ready for bed...
ASHE
You can't be serious about this guy
ELLIE
Why not? He's sweet, kind, trustworthy...
ASHE
Is he?
ELLIE
Oh come on, Ashe...you're not still bitter about him being a wizard, are you?
ASHE
You can't stand here and tell me that he isn't dangerous
ELLIE
Maybe...but so are you
ASHE
What?
ELLIE
You got us kicked out of a video rental store, signed us up for a suicide mission during the war, almost
killed Zorro and yourself, and I don't need to mention all the times you've tried to kill Richard
ASHE
That's different
ELLIE
Really? (Folds arms)...how?
ASHE
It just is
ELLIE
If you expect to convince me to leave Elijah, you'll have to come up with a much better excuse than
that
ASHE
Might I remind you that you're still legally my wife
ELLIE
Don't wife me! That is the first thing we're fixing when we get home...you said so yourself
ASHE
I know...I just (sighs)...I just don't want to see you get hurt
ELLIE
I appreciate your concern, Ashe...I really do...
ASHE
...but I can't stop you
ELLIE
(Hugs Ashe)...You're a good friend Ashe...(smiles)..And a decent husband (Ashe give a half smile. Ellie
kisses his cheek)...don't loose that. (Ashe watches her reenter her bedroom. He stands there for a
minute letting their conversation sink in. Finally he heads for Sam's room. Instead of knocking, he
decides to walk in.)
ASHE
Hey Sam, I - (He sees Sam and Alec in bed together. Alec is on top of Sam and the cover is pulled up
to their waste) OH MY GOD!
SAM
Ashe! Don't you ever knock!
ASHE
YOU?!...and...and...YOU?! OH MY GOD!!
ALEC
Ashe, calm down
ASHE
My eye's are burning...Oh my god, I think my eyes are burning!...I'm blind!...Now I'm blind!!
SAM
Oh shutup, you big baby!
ELLIE
(From the hall)
What's going on in here?
(Ashe turns to leave just as Ellie opens the door. The door smacks Ashe in the head and he collapses
to the ground, unconscious.)
Oops
SAM
Nice touch, Ellie
ALEC
Ashe! (He starts to get up when Sam pull him back down onto her)
SAM
Where do you think YOU'RE going?
ALEC
I have to help Ashe
SAM
He's fine...Ellie's hit him much harder that before
ELIJAH
(From the hall)
What is all the yelling about?
(Sees Ashe on the floor and then Sam and Alec in bed)
...Oh
SAM
Oh please..come in...everybody else seems to be doing that...it's not like this is a private thing between
me and Alec...
RICHARD
(Looks at Sam)
Sam, how could you
SAM
(To Alec)
Quick, Hide me
CAMPBELL
What's all this noise?! Can't a Dark Lord get any sleep around here?!
ELLIE
You're hardly a Dark Lord
SAM
Oh sure...we've already got four...well (sees Ashe)..three and a half spectators...what's one more
CAMPBELL
(Sees Sam and Alec)
I see she's picked up a few things from her old man
SAM
Ew! Just get out!!
ASHE
(Wakes up and climbs to his feet)
Sam, how could you do this?!
ALEC
Ashe, it's a perfectly natural thing...see, when two people love each other...
SAM
Love? Who said anything about love? This is purely physical!
CAMPBELL
That's my girl
SAM
You shutup!
ASHE
No, I mean with Alec
SAM
What are you talking about?
ASHE
Sam and Ashe, Ashe and Sam...they go together...we should be together!
SAM
What are you, high?!
ASHE
We're like Romeo and Juliet...Bonnie and Clide...
RICHARD
Thelma and Louise
ASHE
Thelma and...NO!
ELIJAH
Fire and water?
ELLIE
Batman and Robin?
ASHE
You think this is funny?
ELLIE
Quite
ELIJAH
Very much
ASHE
Well I'm serious!
SAM
So am I...GET OUT!
(she throws a pillow at them as they leave)
ALEC
That didn't just put you out of the mood, did it?
SAM
Shutup...you're wasting time!
SCENE FOUR: Hallway. Everyone but Ashe and Ellie have returned to their rooms
ELLIE
Really, Ashe, it's not that big of a deal
ASHE
NOT A BIG DEAL?!
ELLIE
You're handling this immaturely
ASHE
(Stares at her)
You knew about this before didn't you?
ELLIE
What?
ASHE
How long have you known about them?
ELLIE
I didn't know...
ASHE
Like hell you didn't! You know everything that goes on in this group!
ELLIE
Ok...I may have seen them kissing when were in that cave in Arabia
ASHE
In Arabia?!
ELLIE
but they didn't start sleeping together until Salem
ASHE
Sleeping together...you make it sound so innocent...
ELLIE
(Smiles)
So do you really wanna be with Sam?
ASHE
What? Of course not!
ELLIE
Then why the big protest?
ASHE
I wasn't myself...
ELLIE
Ok...that may have been my fault...
ASHE
Ya think?! Believe me Ellie...I'd rather stay married to you, than be with that Bitch Monster
ELLIE
(Sarcastically)
I'm flattered
ASHE
You should be
ELLIE
So are you ok now? Can I go to bed? You're not gonna blow a vessel are you?
ASHE
You going to bed with Elijah?
ELLIE
Well...yeah
ASHE
No promises
ELLIE
Ashe...
ASHE
Right...sorry, I'm only kidding
ELLIE
Good
(Ashe watches Ellie walk away.)
ASHE
(Mumbles to himself)
...basically...
SCENE FIVE: Next day. In Campbell's secret room
SAM
Remind me again...why do you have a secret room?
CAMPBELL
It's where I hide the Necromonicon
ASHE
Right...keep it safe...we wouldn't want that human flesh it's bound in to decompose...
CAMPBELL
What you boneheads don't know is that every time you jump, I am sent throughout time as well
ELLIE
Well that would explain why we keep bumping into you...
CAMPBELL
You kids actually have to find the book and touch it...I just have to pray that you all stay alive in order
to do that
ELLIE
Why did you bring that book into class anyway?
CAMPBELL
I was hoping that by teaching a course on the Necromonicon I could PREVENT idiots like you from
using it
ASHE
Hey! we had nothing to do with it...SAM read from the book!
CAMPBELL
So, curiosity got the best of you, Sam...much like your father
SAM
Stop talking in the third person...it annoys me
ALEC
Doesn't take much, does it
SAM
Keep that up, and I'll cut you off
ALEC
You'd miss me too much
SAM
Don't be so sure
ASHE
(Shudders. To Ellie)
I'm not sure what's worse...those two, or Bitchy
(Ellie give him a look)
You're right...Bitchy
ELIJAH
...So are we ready to jump?
(The group looks at each other for conformation. Campbell walks over to the Necromonicon which is
sitting on a pedestal in the corner of the room. He picks it up and gives it to group)
CAMPBELL
Good luck...
ALEC
(Smirks at Campbell)
May the force be with you...
(They disappear)
CAMPBELL
(groans)
He's as bad as his brother...
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