| Subject: Episode 2.4: The Idiot |
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Team Bravo
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Date Posted: 10:51:49 05/27/02 Mon
Life In General
EPISODE 2.4: The Idiot, Part I
SCENE 1: Grassy hilltop overlooking a rocky beach. There are birds perched in a nearby tree. A slight wind blows the grass. Suddenly a bright light flashes. Ashe is hurled into the tree. Sam, Ellie, Elijah, Richard, and Alec follow closely behind. They simply walk into the scene, though. Ashe picks himself up off the ground, dusts himself off, and walks over to Richard who is staring at the water aimlessly. Ashe grabs his face and points it toward his own.
ASHE
Richard…This is the absolute LAST time I’m going to tell you…You do NOT need to push me through the vortex.
RICHARD LOOKS PAST ASHE AT A BIRD SITTING ON A ROCK.
RICHARD
Ooooooh, pretty birdie…
RICHARD WALKS AWAY, ASHE THROWS UP HIS ARMS IN FRUSTRATION.
ASHE
Aaaah! Why does he have to act that way? We know for a fact that he’s a genius, why can’t he behave like one?
SAM
Then we’d have no comic relief…
ASHE
I’ll live with the disappointment.
ALEC
Hey, look what I found!
THE GROUP WALKS OVER TO ALEC. HE IS CROUCHING OVER SOMETHING. HE HANDS A BEAT UP GREEK HELMET TO ASHE. ASHE TAKES IT AND INSPECTS IT, AND THEN HE HANDS IT TO ELLIE.
ASHE
What do you think?
ELLIE
It’s a helmet…
ASHE GRABS IT BACK FROM HER, AND GIVES HER A DISGUSTED LOOK.
ASHE
Thank you, Professor! I meant, what do you think it’s doing here.
ELLIE
Not much.
ASHE SHOVES THE HELMET IN ALEC’S HANDS AND HE WALKS OFF OVER TO THE ROCK WHERE RICHARD WAS PREVIOUSLY AT. HE SITS DOWN AND SULKS.
ELIJAH
What’s bothering him?
SAM
Who cares? Let’s just find the book so we can jump again…
RICHARD STARTS PRANCING AROUND ASHE.
RICHARD
Wow! Smell that fresh air! No pollution, it’s great! Can you smell it Ashe? Huh, can you?
RICHARD GETS CLOSE TO ASHE’S FACE. ASHE PUSHES HIM OVER. RICHARD TUMBLES DOWN THE SIDE OF THE CLIFF. THE GROUP RUSHES OVER THERE TO SEE IF HE IS HURT.
RICHARD
I’m all right! Ashe’s backpack broke my fall!
ASHE CRINGES.
ALEC
What the hell is the matter with you? You could have killed him!
ASHE
…Good.
ALEC
Good? Good! Look “pal” just we’re ALL stuck jumping through time, so just because you’re having a bad day doesn’t mean you can take it out on the group. We’re a unit, we have to stick together…it’s like when I was in the movie: “Mark of Freedom.” We all needed to do our part to stay alive…we…
ASHE GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY WHILE ALEC IS STILL TALKING.
ALEC
Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you!
ASHE HOLDS HIS FIST UP AND STARTS TO PUT UP HIS MIDDLE FINGER. THE CAMERA QUICKLY CUTS BACK TO ALEC, AND ELLIE…SAM IS HELPING RICHARD ONTO THE EMBANKMENT. ALEC AND ELLIE LOOK SHOCKED. ELIJAH WALKS TO ALEC.
ELIJAH
Let him go…He just needs to calm down.
ALEC
Yeah, whatever…
SCENE 2: Greek city streets. People in flowing togas and sandals, and period clothing are walking through the streets. There are merchant stands, and some people are shopping. Ashe walks through the streets in his out-of period clothing. Some people stop and stare at him, most ignore him. Ashe stops at a merchant stand and looks at some of the fruit there. He doesn’t notice two armed guards come up behind him. One taps him on the shoulder.
GUARD 1
Excuse me…
ASHE TURNS AROUND, UPSET. UNTIL HE SEES BOTH GUARDS TOWERING OVER HIM.
GUARD 2
Please come with us…
ASHE’S SHOULDERS SINK AND HE WALKS AWAY WITH THE GUARDS
ASHE
…Figures.
SCENE 3: Lavish throne room. The guards’ escort in Ashe. A woman in her mid-twenties is facing away from Ashe. The guards bow.
GUARD 1
Mistress…we found him.
WOMAN
Thank you, now leave us.
THE GUARDS BOW AGAIN AND BACK OUT OF THE CHAMBER. ASHE LOOKS AROUND, CONFUSED. THE WOMAN TURNS AROUND (THIS IS PENELOPE). SHE STARTS WALKING TO ASHE.
PENELOPE
Thought you could get away without me knowing did you. Thought, I wouldn’t notice you gone for two months! Had your servants tell me you were going on a hunting excursion, but you did not take your bow! How stupid do you think I am? Did you not think I would know what you were up to? It’s a good thing the guards brought you back before you did anything foolish.
SHE WALKS UP TO ASHE…LOOKING AS THOUGH SHE IS GOING TO SMACK HIM. ASHE BACK AWAY SLOWLY. PENELOPE GRABS HIM AND KISSES HIM HARD ON THE MOUTH. ASHE IS STUNNED TO SAY THE LEAST.
PENELOPE
You know how much I hate it when you try to surprise me on our wedding anniversary, Odysseus.
ASHE
But, I’m…
SHE KISSES HIM AGAIN. ASHE LOOKS AROUND THEN AT PENELOPE.
ASHE
…So fond of surprising you, honey.
OPENING CREDITS
SCENE 4: The Streets. The group (minus Ashe) is searching the streets looking for him.
ELLIE
Usually we have search for Richard. This is upsetting my routine!
RICHARD
Ashe is stealing my thunder!
SAM
Oh so now you have a problem with stealing.
RICHARD
Doesn’t everyone?
SAM ROLLS HER EYES. ELIJAH AND ALEC WALK UP TO THE GUARDS THAT GRABBED ASHE.
ALEC
Excuse me fellows, have you by chance seen a guy that looks kind of like me. But, not quite so cute…I mean not to sound conceded, which I’m not, but…
ELIJAH
Uh, what he means is, has anyone come by here wearing strange clothes and in a foul mood?
THE GUARDS LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
GUARD 1
These must be the people the master told us to look out for. We should check their identification…
ALEC
Um…uh…
ELIJAH
You don’t need to see our identification…
GUARD 1
We don’t need to see their identification…
ELIJAH
We’re not the people you’re looking for…
GUARD 1
They’re not the people we’re looking for…
ELIJAH
We can go about out business…
GUARD 1
They can go about their business...
ELIJAH
Move along…
GUARD 1
Move along…Move along.
THE GROUP WALKS PAST THE GUARDS TOWARD THE LARGEST HOME IN THE CITY.
ALEC
Ok, someone here has seen Star Wars waaaaay too much.
ELIJAH
Star Who?
SAM
Idiot, he’s never seen a movie before.
ALEC
Then how do you explain his Jedi mind powers?
SAM
He’s a wizard, idiot!
ALEC
Ok, enough with the calling me an idiot! I’m getting sick of it!
SAM
Well I’m getting sick of your constant whining!
ALEC
Well I’M getting sick of you just using me for sex! I’m not your personal boy toy!
SAM
TURNS BRIGHT RED WITH ANGER AND EMBARASSMENT
Fine! Then we’ll stop the sex completely!
ALEC NODS, AND THEN REALIZES WHAT HE JUST DID. SAM WALKS PAST HIM. HE CHASES AFTER HER.
ALEC
Wait, sweetheart! We can work this out!
ELLIE
…Pitiful.
SUDDENLY A CROWD GATHERS AROUND THE STEPS OF THE LARGE HOUSE.
PENELOPE
My friends, your Lord has returned from his long excursion to join me in celebrating our anniversary. May the god’s smile upon this day, and give us a night of bliss and celebration.
RICHARD
…Now that’s for me!
PENELOPE
Husband, do you have anything to add?
ASHE
Uh…
CROWD
Speak, Lord Odysseus!
ASHE
Um…Let’s party like it’s 1999! YEAH!
THE CROWD STANDS THERE SPEECHLESS AND CONFUSED. THE GROUP FREEZES AND TURNS TO SEE ASHE.
ELIJAH
Ashe?
ELLIE
…Is…
SAM
…Married…
RICHARD
…To…
ALEC
HER?!?
ELLIE
But, he’s Ashe! He’s…he’s…married to me!
ELIJAH
WHAT?!?
ELLIE
Uh, nothing dear…
ELLIE WALKS UP TO ASHE, THE GROUP FOLLOWS.
ASHE
Oh, Penelope…these are my friends I was telling you about.
PENELOPE
Oh, then they are most welcome Odysseus.
SAM LEANS INTO ASHE AND WHISPERS.
SAM
Odysseus?
ASHE
Uh…I can explain…
SAM
Good…
SCENE 5: Throne Room. The group is sitting at a table, Penelope is not there.
ASHE
…And then you guys found me. I dunno, this sure beats getting thrown in prison, or tied to a flaming stake, don’t you think?
ELIJAH
Definitely…
PENELOPE WALKS IN
ALEC
Not the mention the obvious perks.
ASHE SMILES. PENELOPE PUTS HER ARM AROUND ASHE, HE TAKES HER HAND.
PENELOPE
I was wondering if you’d join me for a walk, husband?
ASHE GETS UP.
ASHE
I’d love to…Guys; I’ll see you tonight.
ASHE AND PENELOPE LEAVE.
SAM
What do you think?
ELLIE
He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him…
SAM
This coming from the girl who flipped out because her husband is re-married?
ELIJAH
About that, Ellie, you and I need to have a little chat.
ELLIE GLARES AT SAM. SAM SMILES.
ALEC
Speaking of chatting, Sam can we talk?
SAM
I don’t see why, whatever we had is over now.
SAM GETS UP AND LEAVES.
ALEC
Oh man…
ELLIE
Just leave her alone for a while.
ELIJAH
If you’d like my advice on women…
ALEC GLARES AT HIM.
ELIJAH
…Of course you seem to be doing a fantastic job on your own.
SCENE 6: Outside. Ashe and Penelope are lying under a tree overlooking the city. Ashe’s head is in Penelope’s lap.
ASHE
You’re right; it’s beautiful up here.
PENELOPE
I knew you’d like it. I came here a lot while you were away.
ASHE
How long was I gone, I lost track of time.
PENELOPE
Over two months, with no word. I’d almost given up hope. But, now you’re back to stay…
ASHE GETS A WORRIED EXPRESSION
ASHE
Penelope, there’s something I need to tell you.
PENELOPE
I kept going all those nights with the belief that our love would bring you back to me…Oh, I’m sorry my love, what did you want to say?
ASHE
…It’s nothing…
PENELOPE
You know, Odysseus, you seem so different than before.
ASHE
How so?
PENELOPE
Well, it’s like I’m falling in love with you all over again. Do you know what I’m saying?
ASHE LOOKS UP AT PENELOPE
ASHE
…I think I do.
THEY KISS.
SCENE 7: Penelope’s house, night. Ashe is walking down the hallway when he sees Sam making out with a member of the staff. She sees him.
SAM
Oh…uh…Odysseus. This is my lover Jason. He’s one of the musicians performing tonight. What’s your band’s name again, darling?
JASON
The Argonauts…
ASHE
Uh huh…Well we’re happy to have you perform for our anniversary.
JASON BOWS. SAM TAKES HIS HAND, SMILES AT HIM AND WALKS INTO HER ROOM. ASHE SHAKES HIS HEAD. ALEC COMES OUT FROM THE SHADOWS DOWN THE HALL.
ALEC
It’s sickening…
ASHE
She’s just doing it to make you jealous.
ALEC
Well it’s working! Ugh! The sooner we get the book and get out of here, the happier I’ll be.
ASHE LOOKS DOWN.
ALEC
What is it?
ASHE
I-I’m not leaving…
ALEC
WHAT?!?
ASHE
I’m happy here. I mean, you have your life of fame back home. I’ve got nothing. At least here I have a woman who loves me.
ALEC
News flash, Ashe. She loves Odysseus…who could come back at anytime.
ASHE
I don’t think so. He was missing for over two months. Besides, Penelope says she is falling in love with me all over again. And I think I feel the same.
ALEC
Well that’s mighty selfish considering we can’t leave without you.
ASHE
I’m sure Elijah and Ellie can fix that…Look, I’ve made up my mind.
ALEC
Ok, but one thing…Have you told her who you really are?
ASHE IS SILENT.
ALEC
I see…so is this love going to be based on a lie?
ASHE LOOKS DOWN. ALEC WALKS OFF DOWN THE HALL.
SCENE 8: Penelope’s bedroom. Ashe is getting dressed for the party. Penelope is in the other part of the room dressing.
PENELOPE
I just received word that Queen Helen will be coming to the celebration.
ASHE
That’s wonderful. But, I’m only concerned with one guest…you.
PENELOPE
You say the sweetest things…I love you, Odysseus.
ASHE
I love you, Penelope…
ASHE PAUSES, AND REALIZES WHAT HE SAID. HE SMILES.
ASHE
I love you…uh…Hey, we’d better hurry, and we don’t want to be late for our own party.
PENELOPE
STEPS OUT IN A THIN, SEXY NIGHTGOWN
I think they can wait my darling.
ASHE’S JAW DROPS. “YOU SEXY THING” BY HOT CHOCOLATE PLAYS. PENELOPE MOVES CLOSER TO HIM.
ASHE
…Wait…before we do anything. I have to tell you something.
PENELOPE STOPS AND LISTENS
ASHE
I’m…I’m not Odysseus. My name is Ashe Trent. I’m from…well…I’m from the future. My friends and I are bouncing through time trying to get home. I didn’t mean to lie to you…I’m so sorry, I’ll understand if you want me to leave…
PENELOPE SMILES.
PENELOPE
I was wondering how long it would take you to tell me.
ASHE
What?
PENELOPE
Before you came, Athena appeared to me in a vision and told me Odysseus was dead. But, I would be visited by my true love. She told me that he would be from a distant time, and he would be called Ashley. I had no idea that you would look just like my late husband.
ASHE
…I hate that name.
PENELOPE GIGGLES.
PENELOPE
You! How do you think I felt growing up with a name like Penelope!
ASHE LAUGHS AND HUGS HER.
PENELOPE
So, Ashe…Are you still looking to get home.
ASHE KISSES HER.
ASHE
…I am home.
SCENE 9: Town square. People are gathered. Jason and the Argonauts are playing. The groups is at the head table with Ashe, Sam, and Helen (of Troy) is there. Sam is fawning over Jason, while Alec is visibly annoyed.
ELLIE
Ashe…Alec told us that you want to stay.
ASHE
Yeah, I figure that you and Elijah can figure out a way to exclude me from the group.
ELLIE
Well sure, I mean we included Elijah without trouble. But the thing is…well…Eli and I want to stay too.
ASHE
Why?
ELLIE
Well, he doesn’t really have a time to call his own anymore. And I’ll be happy just with him.
ASHE
Great then! I doubt Sam, Alec, and Richard will want to stay though.
ELLIE AND ELIJAH LOOK AT ALEC WHO IS GETTING MORE UPSET BY THE MINUTE.
ELIJIAH
I doubt it.
ASHE
Richard, what about you?
RICHARD GIVES HIM A CYNICAL LOOK.
RICHARD
Do I even need to say it?
ASHE
Oh yeah…no jeeps.
RICHARD POINTS AT ASHE AND WINKS. SUDDENLY A LARGE GROUP OF TROJAN SOLDIERS SWARM THE TOWN. THEY HOLD THE GROUP AT SWORDPOINT. ASHE IMMEDIATELY STEPS IN TO PROTECT PENELOPE.
TROJAN COMMANDER
There she is…Queen Helen! Take her men!
THE TROOPS KIDNAP HELEN. THEN THEY GO TO SUBDUE THE PEOPLE. ASHE TRIES TO FIGHT, BUT IS KNOCKED OUT. THE SAME WITH ELIJAH, ELLIE, AND RICHARD. THE COMMANDER PASSES SAM. HE EYES HER.
TROJAN COMMANDER
Take this one too…
SAM
Hey wait a minute!
THE SOLDIERS KNOCK HER OUT AND TRY TO TAKE HER. ALEC RUSHES TO HER AIDE. BUT HE IS KNOCKED OUT TOO.
SCENE 10: Penelope’s room. Ashe is lying on the bed. Penelope is tending to him. The group is standing around the bed.
ASHE
Wh-what happened?
PENELOPE
Trojan soldiers kidnapped your friend Sam, and Queen Helen. They’ve taken them back to Troy.
RICHARD
What are we going to do, Ashe?
ASHE
LOOKS AT ALEC.
Well if we don’t go and rescue them, I’ll never hear the end of it.
ELIJAH
The king has already mobilized his forces. They are waiting at our docks to launch with us.
ASHE
I never thought we’d be fighting in the Trojan War.
ASHE LOOKS AT PENELOPE, WHO IS DISTRESSED.
ASHE
Hey…don’t worry. I know how the story goes. It’ll take awhile, but I’ll come back to you. I promise.
PENELOPE SMILES WEAKLY.
PENELOPE
You’d better. I don’t want to go through the trouble of holding off all the suitors that are going to come around.
ASHE GETS OUT OF BED.
ASHE
Well…what are we waiting for. Let’s go pick a fight.
SCENE 11: Prison cell in Troy. Sam and Helen are sitting in the cell. Sam is talking to Helen.
SAM
…and that’s how we ended up in this time.
HELEN
Oh, you poor dear…This must seem like a vacation for you then. I wish I had your strength.
SAM SMILES. FAINT MUSIC IS HEARD (RIDE OF THE VALKIERIES).
SAM
…What is that?
HELEN SHRUGS. THERE IS A COMMOTION OUTSIDE THE CELL AS THE MUSIC BUILDS.
TROJON SOLDIER
Make haste! The Greeks are attacking!
SAM RUNS TO THE BARRED WINDOW. SHE LOOKS OUT IN SHOCK.
SCENE 12: DECK OF THE LEAD GREEK SHIP. THE MUSIC CLIMAXES. ASHE, ALEC, RICHARD, ELLIE, AND ELIJAH ARE STANDING ON THE DECK. RICHARD HAS HIS BOOMBOX WHICH IS AMPLIFIED BY A LARGE SHELL. THE CAMERA PANS UP TO SEE THE GREEK SHIPS SAILING IN A V FORMATION TOWARD THE ISLAND.
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2 OF SEASON 2
THE ODDITY
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