| Subject: Episode Four: The Weird Weird West |
Author:
Team Bravo
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 16:39:53 03/14/01 Wed
Life In General
Episode Four: The Weird Weird West
Scene One: Middle of an old western town.
[Ellie, Sam, and Ashe are standing in the middle of a dirt road.]
Ellie: Oh crap.
Ashe: I know...thanks a lot Sam.
Ellie(points to the pile of horse poop that Ashe is standing in): No...crap...
Ashe(looks down): Dah....[Jumps out of the poop. tries to brush it off onto the ground.] Where are we
now?
Ellie: I've got a better question....where's Richard?[Gun shots are heard in a nearby building. Then
shouts of a bank robbery were heard. Richard comes running out of the bank holding several sacks of
money.] How does he do that so fast?!
Richard: Hey, Ashe...
Ashe: Oh no...
Richard: Look...
Ashe: Richard, we really need to talk about your stealing problem..
Richard(holds money close): I don't have a problem...
Ashe: You just robbed a bank!!!
Richard: Oh sure, rub that in my face...
Ashe: You just did it!!
Cop: Freeze!!
Ashe: Oh no...
Cop: Drop the money and reach for the sky...
Richard: That's impossible...
Ashe: SHUTUP RICHARD!!
[The cop looks at Sam and Ellie]
Sam: Ah...we're not with them.
Scene Two: Jail cell
[Ashe and Richard are locked in the same cell. Ashe is pacing the cell angrily]
Ashe: Five minutes...We weren't even in the old West for FIVE MINUTES and you rob a bank! YOU
ROBBED A FRICKIN' BANK!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!?
Richard: I didn't steal anything...
Ashe: You robbed a bank!!! What do you define that as...an involuntary loan?!?
Richard: Stop rubbing that in my face...
Ashe: Richard! One of us is not going to make it out of this cell alive...AND IT'S GOING TO BE
YOU!!!
Cop: Hey you two...knock it off...
Ashe: Ok...[Takes out a piece of chalk and draws a line down the middle of the cell] This is an
imaginary wall. You do not cross it! You stay on your half, and I stay on mine! Am I
absolutely...crystal clear???
Richard: Where did you get that chalk?...
Ashe: Focus Richard!! We're going to play a game called THE QUIET GAME! You cannot talk
during the quiet game...You cannot hum, you cannot sing, you cannot BREATHE until I say so!
Starting...now...[They both sit on their own side of the line]
(Richard plays the harmonica)
Ashe: Richard...
(Richard continues to play)
Ashe: Richard...!
(Richard still plays).
Ashe: RICHARD!!!!!!! (Lunges across the line and begins to choke Richard)
Richard: (Trying to say something through the choking) gjfhahfjdshff.....
[Sam and Ellie enter]
Sam(sees the line on the floor and): Oh my God! Are you two like five years old?!
Ellie: Who draws a line down the middle of the floor?!
Sam: Obviously they do...
Richard: ahdhfjahfdsjhfdsjhf (Still being choked)
Ellie: What's he trying to say? (Ashe lets him go)
Richard: You crossed the line, Ashe... (Ashe lunges back at him, and chokes him again)
Ashe: (Stops choking Richard and runs to the bars) You two have got to get me out of here!!!
Sam: And how do you propose we do that? [Ashe gives Sam a devilish smile] Oh no! I'm not gonna
whore myself out to get you guys bailed out!!
Ashe: I've got a plan...Widowmaker, you work the card games....I don't think any of the men would
want a whore named Widowmaker. Dumbass, you be the whore...
Ellie: What?!
Ashe: DO IT!!
One hour later
[Ellie is locked in the jail cell with Richard and Ashe. She sits down next to Ashe.]
Ashe: We seemed to have had a miscommunication somewhere along the line... I mean, was
something in the plan, UNCLEAR? Did I go too fast? Should I have articulated the plan using sock
puppets??? I said be a whore in the saloon, not rob the saloon!!
Ellie: Well, I...
Ashe: No, no!...don't speak...Private!
Ellie: Yeah, ok...I deserved that.
Ashe: Now it's up to the Widowmaker...
Richard(singing): We're rockin' to the jail house rock....
[Ellie takes off her shoe and throws it at Richard. It hits him in the head and he stops singing.]
Ashe(relieved): Thank you....Sergeant.
[Sheriff Bitchy walks in.]
Bitchy: Well well well, what do we have here...
Ashe(eyes widen): No....no....(curls up in a ball)....no...
Bitchy: ...Two crooks and a whore...
Ellie: I'm not a whore! I robbed a saloon!! (notices Sheriff Bitchy making eyes at Ashe) Hey Ashe,
I've got an idea of how to get out of here...
Ashe: I'm listening....
Ellie: You've gotta play Bitchy...
Ashe: I know you didn't just say that.
Ellie: Well you want to get out of here, don't you?
Ashe: Not THAT bad! I would rather rot in prison forever!
Ellie: But...
Ashe: FOREVER!!
Richard: You can do it Ashe. [Ashe glares at Richard] Think of it this way, she'll be way easier to
woo than Mia was.
Ashe: You just crossed the line, Richard!!
Richard: No I didn't..
[Sam walks in silently and stands in the back as Ashe lunges at Richard....again]
Bitchy(to Sam): Can I help you?
Sam: Nah, I'm enjoying this.
Bitchy: Hey you two...stop that! [she walks over to the cell and tries to stop them. Richard frees
himself from Ashe and grabs Bitchy's gun] Hey!!
Richard: I've got a gun! (starts waving it around) Look guys I've got a gun...
Ellie: Oh no, this can't end good...
[The gun goes off and breeze's Ashe's arm.]
Ashe(holds his bleeding arm): You shot me!! You son of a bitch, you shot me!!
Sam: When you boys are done, I'd like to bail you out....On second thought, I think I'll just leave you
guys in there...
Ashe: NO!! Widowmaker, you can't leave me here!! I've been shot!
Sam: That's a shame. Give me one good reason why I should bail you guys out of here...
Ashe: I love you....
Sam: I said a good reason, not weird and sorta creepy.
Ashe: Widowmaker...
Sam: Alright alright...I guess my life would be really boring with you three...Scene Three: Outside
Ashe: I can't believe you shot me....haven't you done enough to me already?
Richard: I don't like it here, there aren't any jeeps...
Ashe: Are you even listening to me?!
Ellie: How do we get out of here?
Sam: I found out we need to find the book and recite the words...
Ellie: Correctly this time.
Sam: You really think that's the reason why we're here?!
Ellie: Got any other reason why?
Ashe: Enough of this...Sam, do you know where the Book of the Dead is?
Tristan: Did you say book of the dead?
Ellie: Tristan?
Tristan: Who?
Ellie: Nevermind.
Ashe: You know about the book of the dead?
Tristan: Heard of it. My father used to tell me stories about that book...
Ashe: Is there any way we can talk to your father, we really need to find that book.
Tristan: That's not possible. He died trying to retrieve it.
Ellie: Died? Oh that's just great, like we stand a chance then...
Tristan: He said that it was located somewhere in the old abandoned gold mine.
Richard: Gold?!
Tristan: But I must warn you, the mine is very hazardous, it could collapse at any time. Not only
that, my father mentioned that it was booby trapped...
Ashe: Booby trapped?!
Ellie: Why would a gold mine be booby trapped?
Tristan: For the sake of the book. That book is evil and dangerous, traps were built so that no one
could ever reach the book and bring the deadites to life.
Sam: Back when people were not educated enough to just destroy the book...
Tristan: Anyway, my father went in that gold mine and never returned.
Ashe: Well, uh...I guess we better get moving guys...
Ellie: I have a bad feeling about this...
Sam: If a big ball chases us, I'm going back to the card table...
Richard: We're gonna get some gold...
Ashe(to Ellie): Just....make sure he stays away from me...
Scene Four: Old Abandoned Gold Mine
[The group approaches the mine. There are boards blocking the entrance and a sign that says "old
abandoned gold mine"]
Ellie: I think this is it...
Sam: Ya think?!
[Richard and Ashe tear the boards off of the entrance. The four of them start to walk in. Skeletons
are spread out across the ground]
Sam(picks up a skull): Look at this thing, it's probably not even real...see guys there's nothing to be
afraid of here....
[A loud roar is heard]
Ashe: Sam, you go on ahead, find out what that was, we'll wait right here...
Sam: What?!
Richard(takes skull): Alas poor Uric, I knew him well Horatio...
Ashe: My name's not Horatio...
Ellie: Well, with all the stuff that's happened to you, you could be Uric...
Ashe: And that's why you're supposed to keep him away from me...
[Sheriff Bitchy walks in behind them.]
Bitchy: What's going on here?!
[Everyone screams.]
Ellie: What the hell are you doing here?! You scared the crap out of us!!
Bitchy: I wanted to make sure you guys were alright (winks at Ashe)
Ashe(shivers): Yes we're fine, off you go...
Sam: No wait! She has a gun, she can go check out what that noise was...
Ashe: Sheriff, go check out what's off in the mine...
Ellie: For Ashe...
Ashe(through his teeth): Shutup dumbass...
[Sheriff Bitchy goes on ahead. In the distance they hear a blood curling scream that is cut off.]
Ellie: Do you think she's dead?
[Sheriff Bitchy runs by them and out of the cave.]
Ashe: I knew it was too good to be true...
[They start to walk a little further into the cave when Sam notices Richard digging though a rotting
corpse.]
Sam: Oh God, Richard, stop that!
[Richard backs away from the corpse as though he hadden't done anything.]
Ashe: That's freakin' sick, Richard.
Richard: I don't know what you're talking about.
[They reach the evil dead tree-like monster. Behind the monster is the book of the dead sitting on a
pedestal.]
Ashe(grabs a shovel): Anyone got any bright ideas?
Richard(Wearing a cowboy had and holding a whip): I'll handle this, Ashe.
Ashe: Oh no...
[Richard uses the whip and swings past the monster and crashes on to the pedestal, crushing it. He
grabs the book.]
Richard: I've got it!!
Ellie: And that monster is about to get you!
Ashe: That's a shame...[starts to leave]
Ellie(grabs Ashe): You can't leave....we need the book!
Ashe: Ah hell....Richard, throw me the book!
Richard: You throw me the book, I throw you the whip!
Ashe: What? You have both! Look, Richard, if you throw me the book you can use the whip and
swing back over here.
Richard: Ok....[He throws the book and it lands right in front of the monster.]
Ashe: Oh, good throw. We're a lot better off now. [He starts to walk toward the book when the
monster begins to yell again.] Whoa whoa!! Wait! Hold it a minute! [The monster stops yelling] I
have a proposition for you...[the monster lowers it's limbs and quiets down.] Ah....[smacks the
monster with the shovel and grabs the book] RUN LIKE HELL!!
Ellie: What about Richard?
Ashe: Screw Richard! RUN!!!
Scene Four: Outside the Cave
[Sam, Ellie, and Ashe safely run out of the cave. Richard runs out.]
Richard: AGAIN! AGAIN!!
Ashe(mumbles to Ellie): Damnit, he survived. [holds the book in front of everyone] Okay, lets get
the words right this time.
Ellie: Ok, I think I've got it.....Klatu Verata-
Richard(shouts): Farfagneugan!
Ashe: What?!
[Everyone glares at Richard as the evil dead fog zaps them away.]
Scene Five: Horrific Battlefield
[They land in the middle of an active battlefield. Ellie and Sam are diving for cover. Ashe just stares
at Richard]
Ashe: I hate you...
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 