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I understand the uncertain ghost part to mean that people mostly overlooked her in favor of her flamboyant mother. She was able to hear and see things other people couldn't. I also thought she was more like two or three years younger than Lymond, because doesn't she already have a child or two?
I just got the feeling she was jealous of Christian in that Christian had been Tom's first choice, and it was Christian who had played a large and adventurous role in saving Lymond. Maybe she wanted a part of the action, but because she was always overlooked and the steafast and practical aspects of her personality that are so prominent in this book were what was expected of her, she had to overlook desire in order to fulfill her duty.
