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Raising Christian Girls - Discipline and Spanking
Raising Christian Girls --A forum for bible believing Christians to discuss discipline, spanking, and other issues related to raising Christian girls. Unfortunately, it is necessary for this forum to be moderated so please allow a day or two for your post to show up. This is a forum for biblical viewpoints on spanking. No fantasy posts, antichristian posts, posts that insult others, or posts from the same person using multiple names will be permitted.
Raising Christian Girls - Discipline and Spanking
Subject: Too many spankings?


Author:
Becky Mix
[Edit]
Date Posted: 07:42:13 12/29/09 Tue
I'm wondering how many spankings are too many? I've had 3 so far this year and a girl in another place where I post told me that I'm spanked too much and that it's wrong. I don't know if I'm spanked too much. Maybe I am but how many is too many?

Becky

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Subject: Thought of spanking an older child bothers me


Author:
Thomas
[Edit]
Date Posted: 07:18:13 12/29/09 Tue
My daughter is 14 and hasn't been spanked since she was in first grade. We've thought about spanking her because very little else works, especially now that she's a teen. Still, I have to think that she is too old to be spanked now. My wife has threatened her with spanking but our daughter only rolls her eyes and shrugs it off. She's not afraid at being spanked because she doesn't think we'll do it. In fact, we probably won't!!!

Why are we do afraid of spanking our teens? I know many parents that feel the way we do yet I was spanked until I was 15 and my wife was spanked until she was 16. We thought we were too old but our parents showed us that we were not. It's different now. I don't know why.

I don't expect a miracle answer. I'm just complaining. :)

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Subject: New father


Author:
Dan
[Edit]
Date Posted: 17:55:42 12/28/09 Mon
I'm curious if there are any new fathers here or anyone who can give advice to a new father? I married a wonderful Christian woman 6 months ago and she has 2 girls by a previous marriage. I have a good relationship with the girls and I have spanked the youngest once. I suppose the spanking went ok because she doesn't hate me but I'm curious how long I should wait before I use spanking as a standard punishment?

Thank you.

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Subject: answer to Andrew


Author:
Richard
[Edit]
Date Posted: 09:14:50 12/28/09 Mon
I agree with you, Andrew. There's nothing but beauty concerning the human body. Baring a girl in front of her
father is perfectly ok as long as there are no sexual
implications. We're either male or female and seeing each
other with no clothes on is no big thing. Whether a spanking
is applied to a bare or clothed bottom makes no difference.
Much ado about nothing. There are thousands of people who
belong to naturist clubs and being nude is perfectly permissible with no sexual implications at all.

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Subject: A Series of questions about spanking


Author:
Rhonda
[Edit]
Date Posted: 00:29:53 12/28/09 Mon

Hello,I was hoping to get the groups input on these questions.

1.Are we as parents responsible to discpline there daughters as long as thay live at home?
2.Should we as parents ever discpline some elese child?
3.When is someone to old to spank?
4.What should we spank with? Hand,belt,or paddle?
5.Clothed behind versus bare behind?

I hope these questions get the group talk agan! Blessing to you all.

Rhonda & Mark

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Subject: Refused a spanking


Author:
DarrenM
[Edit]
Date Posted: 11:15:46 12/27/09 Sun
Has anyone had their daughter refuse a spanking? My oldest, who is 16, recently refused to take a spanking from her mother. She refused to get in position.

When I got home from work, I talked to my daughter about it. I was very angry. I grounded her for 2 weeks.

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Subject: Texting - watch out for times


Author:
Keisha
[Edit]
Date Posted: 03:03:38 12/24/09 Thu
My 12 yr old got her first phone for her birthday - she'd been begging for it for a long time and I finally gave in. As far as texting the rules are it's OK as long as no codes and they have to pay out of their allowance if they go over their limit. They can only use after school and before bed.

They are responsible for telling their friends no codes. The other rule is zero tolerance. If I find one code they get paddled, no excuses.

My oldest has not had any issues since I wore out her butt.

I was checking my 12 yr old's phone and I found a few ordinary abbreviations ROTFL, GF, and such. The rule was NO codes but that didn't really mean everything had to be totally spelled out so I gave her a warning that she was taking a chance. If I didn't know it - her butt would pay for it, so it was up to her. I knew the ones she'd used so she was OK so far.

Later I checked the phone bill and found out from the times she'd been texting during school hours.

Yesterday we had a talk about it before bed.
The first thing I asked was did she text during school. You'd think that the fact that I had the brush in my hand and her PJ bottoms were around her ankles would be a hint that I knew something, but she said no.

I took a deep breath because this was going to take twice as long now and I wasn't going to let her dig herself deeper. I took out the printout and showed her the text times I highlighted. I asked if she understood she now had a spanking coming today for lying and tomorrow for texting during school. I'd also be calling her teachers and asking them to keep a eye on her and to be sure to apply the paddle if she even had her phone in her hand.

She was smart enough to just say yes maam.

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Subject: Christian Girls & Bare Bottom Spanking


Author:
Jonathon
[Edit]
Date Posted: 04:29:18 12/23/09 Wed
It is my opinion that bare bottom spanking isn't always necessary and that it can be harmful to a christian girls self esteem. That said, I know several christian fathers and a few teen christian girls who prefer spankings be given on the bare bottom. The girls that prefer to have their bottom bare for the spanking say that the spanking is more beneficial to them if delivered that way and that it feels more like a "real" spanking. The fathers say the same but also add that spanking bare allows thw father to view the effects of the spanking and to not leave marks.

Other christian girls I've talked to hate to be bare and say it's too embarassing.

What do others think? Thoughtful respones only please

Jonathon

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Subject: We went back to spanking are 17 year old Daughter


Author:
Grace
[Edit]
Date Posted: 04:10:28 12/23/09 Wed

Hi

My name is Grace! I just came across this websit a few day's ago.Me and my Husbend have a daughter who well be starting here senior year of high school this coming week.Eaily this summer we decied to return to use spanking as are main way punshment. We were not looking to make this change but daughter behaver really left use no chose.

Where hoping get some advive from other parents on this bord.Any advice would wecolme.

Blessing
Grace

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Subject: Dad's Hand


Author:
Beckymix
[Edit]
Date Posted: 19:16:15 12/22/09 Tue
I was wondering if it's wrong for a father to place his hand on his daughter's bottom before he starts spanking. My father has done this and some people think it's wrong. I don't really think much about it when it happens.

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Subject: Asking for it


Author:
Angela
[Edit]
Date Posted: 22:56:58 12/18/09 Fri
Has anyone had their kids ask for a spanking? When I was younger I was handspanked until 11 then after my father using the belt. But spankings stopped at 16. When I started college and grades weren't good I asked them if they could spank me again. To my suprise they agreed and my grades improved the rest of the year. Any other parents experience this?

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Subject: Child's Internet use


Author:
Peter
[Edit]
Date Posted: 22:50:27 12/18/09 Fri
Just wondered what other parents opinions are on this subject.

We have a rule that all use of the internet by the children is subject to monitoring.
My 15 year old thinks this invades her privacy, why she thinks she has any rights to privacy in this subject I haven't managed to work out yet, other than the classic 'all' her friends can do what they like.

I believe that untill she has an Internet connection in her name that she pays for then I will be deciding on and monitoring appropriate use. If she is not happy then she doesn't have to use the computer.

What do other parents do? Do you have an age that you allow un-fettered access?

Thank you for any input.

Peter

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Subject: Corporal punishment at school


Author:
Max
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:10:58 12/17/09 Thu
Most of the posts here seem to be about christian men spanking daughters but who should paddle a christian girl at school? What if a christian girls goes to a public school? Who should do her paddling there?

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Subject: Spanked for flirting


Author:
Becky Mix
[Edit]
Date Posted: 15:07:12 12/17/09 Thu
Should a christian girl be spanked for flirting with a non christian boy?

Because my dad is a preacher and I go to a christian school, he expects me to stay away from the boys that
go to the public school near us. That is hard for me because I like some of those boys and they like me. One of them really likes me and I really really like him. Dad won't let me have anything to do with him because he is kind of a trouble maker. He came over to our house
one night at 1 in the morning and knocked on my bedroom window but there are other reasons my dad doesn't like him.

Dad freeks out when he see's me flirting with those kind of boys. I've had 4 spankings this year just for flirting or hanging out with boys he doesn't approve of. In a way I understand but I don't know if he should spank me for that.

Becky Mix

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Subject: My Father


Author:
DrGBrooks
[Edit]
Date Posted: 07:46:00 12/17/09 Thu
I recently found this board and appreciate the perspective and information contained here.

I grew up in a Catholic home; my mother left my father when I was very young. My father, who is a physician, raised me with the help of a very caring and nurturing nanny whom I still love as a mother figure.

My father was strict, gentle, firm when he had to be, and to this day loves me with all of his heart. I am now thirty and a physician in private practice with my father. I'm married to a wonderful man and we are expecting our first child, a daughter, in February.

I thank God every day for my father and for the way that he raised me. We were, and still are, exceptionally close and our relationship means the world to me and has for as long as I can remember. The thought of disappointing him was usually enough to ensure that I made good choices, however, like all little girls I would cross the line on occasion. When this happened, he would spank me.

His spankings were not terrible, but I certainly didn't want one. After talking to me and making absolutely certain that I understood why he thought a spanking was the best course of action, he would place me gently across his lap and spank me with his hand just hard enough to cause a bit of a sting. He always spanked me bare bottom and he lowered my panties just enough and replaced them the minute the spanking was over. At that point he would immediately gather me in his arms and reassure me of his love for me.

The worst part of the whole thing was knowing that I had done something bad enough to make him spank me. I knew it hurt him to have to punish me. I know that the strength of our relationship, together with an occasional mild spanking, is the reason I am who I am today.

I was not traumatized or emotionally scarred from fair punishment given within the context of a loving father/daugther relationship. On the contrary, it gave me the confidence that can only come from expert guidance. I knew my father believed in me and I knew that he wanted me to live up to my full potential and that would require self discipline and determination on my part - lessons I had to learn as a child. He also knew that harsh punishment, espeically from him, would have left me emotionally devastated so he always spanked me with respect for, and an understanding of, the girl he knew me to be. This allowed me to flourish and grow and become the woman God created me to be.

I love my father, in part, because he understood so well the best way to show his disapproval for the inappropriate behavior I occasionally displayed. His loving, gentle spankings created an unbreakable bond between us that I don't think would be what it is if he hadn't known in his heart that sometimes a spanking was exactly what I needed.

I only hope that I am as good a mother as he is a father and I'm thankful that he is still a large part of my life and will take an active role in guiding my husband and I to properly parenting our daughter.

G

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Subject: I Turned Out Fine (Please Post)


Author:
Coco
[Edit]
Date Posted: 22:23:13 12/16/09 Wed
I'm a well adjusted 23 year old girl living with my boyfriend, happily, and working and supporting myself and all that good stuff. Basically, I'm well rounded and together. However, I was never spanked. The thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable and a little ill in the tummy.
Why do you think that its possible for me to grow up happy, healthy and smart without being spanked? And why can't you raise your own kids without getting physically violent?
In this world, isn't it more and more obvious that violence in any form solves nothing, including a child's behaviour?
I'm not here to put down anyones values or life choices... I'm just purely curious. How does spanking differ?
Also, in a modern world where fetish and BDSM are becoming more mainstream, how will spanking devotees be able to argue that their methods of disciplining their children are ethical?
I have 6 nieces and nephews who are the most well spoken, gorgeously behaved and polite kids I've ever known and all my sisters and brothers are strictly against spanking as well.
Please discuss. This is, after all, a discussion forum.
Thank you very much! Have a wonderful day!

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Subject: First spanking


Author:
Ben
[Edit]
Date Posted: 19:52:22 12/16/09 Wed
Hello my name is Ben and I'm a christian man who married a christian woman who has a 10yo daughter. We have been married for 6 months and I am close to my new daughter. My question is about spanking. I don't know if I should spank my daughter or leave it up to my wife. If my daughter were a boy I probably wouldn't be hesitating.

Thanks for any advice anyone has.

Ben

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Subject: Caning?


Author:
Tina
[Edit]
Date Posted: 01:28:46 12/15/09 Tue
Hi I'm Tina. I'm a christian girl, 15 yrs old, and I have good parents that are strict. My question is, is the cane an acceptable thing to spank with? My father spanks me with his hand but my brother and I have a an uncle who is also our tutor and he uses a cane with permission from my parents. He used to run a school in England.

He hasn't spanked me but he has spanked my little brother twice and he has told me he will cane me if I don't listen to him when he is tutoring me. He is a great tutor but I'm worried about the cane.

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Subject: Punished together


Author:
Fred
[Edit]
Date Posted: 12:52:06 12/14/09 Mon
I recently found your site and have found the advice offered interesting.

I was wondering what the others felt about punishing two children who have gotten in trouble at the same time with each other. Should spankings always be done alone and in private, or does seeing the other child get punished for the same mis-deed help to teach a lesson to the child?

Thank you and thanks for a wonderful forum.

Fred

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Subject: Bibilcal Spanking


Author:
Jimie
[Edit]
Date Posted: 09:48:28 12/13/09 Sun
This is an intriguing posting site to me. First the reason for spanking for children is "correction or consequences" for disobedience. God has all through the bible requested man/woman to obey follow his WORD. He states the benefits of doing so and the consequences of NOT doing so.
Boys and Girls growing up who have christian parents are expected to obey mother and father's word. The consequences for not doing so ( for me growing up) was a spanking.
I only got spanked for disobedience, and this taught me to obey. The saying " better to obey than pay" rings true.
I have read on this site that teenage girls appreciate a spanking, this may be so but for those who don't agree with spanking the point is it must be done in/with love.
When My Mom spanked me she made it clear that she loved me
and thats why I was being spanked. She made sure it hurt but more importantly she made sure all was forgiven and I understood how I had disobeyed.

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Subject: Boys and Girls


Author:
Keisha
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:03:19 12/08/09 Tue
A lot of the posters on this forum disagree with spanking boys, especially older boys. I don't usually have the issue at my house unless I'm taking care of someone else's child.

I assume we are talking about boys near and after puberty and I can understand that they are especially embarrassed by getting spanked, and more so if other people know about it.

My male cousins got spanked and boys in my family generally get it - so it's not something in my background to let boys off. I think my Aunt was stricter with girls - and girls got spanked for things a boy would have gotten off with - something like her grabbing him by the ear and letting him know he'd better not do it again.

If you have a boy around who's over 10 or 11 and he gets in trouble - how do you explain to the girls why he's not ever getting the paddle while they get it all the time?

My girls don't get a choice about the paddle, they get spanked when I decide - so I'd have to explain to them why that's not unfair.

How would you explain to a girl who gets spanked that a boy the same age doesn't?

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Subject: Spanking at church or church sponsored events


Author:
Jonathon
[Edit]
Date Posted: 07:20:27 12/08/09 Tue
I'm sure most people think girls should only be spanked at home by a close relative but should girls also be subject to spanking while attending church or church-sponsored events such as day camps, retreats, or other events where the church becomes responsible for the girl?

The best Christian schools in the country have a pro-corporal punishment policy because they are acting on behalf of the parents. Should churches also have such a policy?

Jonathon

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Subject: Parents enjoy punishing their children?


Author:
Peter
[Edit]
Date Posted: 09:02:03 12/05/09 Sat
This post is based on something I read elsewhere on another forum.
Now before I trigger World War 3 here, let me point out that the title has a question mark and it isn't actually something I think I agree with.

The article I read was specifically talking about mothers smacking boys on their bare bottoms, but it could equally be applied to mothers & fathers and sons & daughters.

I am a strict dad, I believe in strong boundaries and firm but fair discipline. I strongly advocate the use of smacked bottoms, sometimes bare but not always, as one tool in my arsenal. I generally don't smack often, at least up till about a month ago when my youngest decided she was going to start a pre teen power struggle. I had to smack her almost every day for 3 weeks but she hasn't been smacked at all in the last week so hopefully we are through. When I do smack I smack very hard almost always with my hand although I have had to use the cane on occasions in the last 2 decades.

This article was suggesting that most (not my word) mothers would engineer situations so that they could bare and smack their sons bottoms. This is a very big world and I'm certain there are parents like that, but I am sure they would be a very small minority. Getting satisfaction from converting an unruly child on the other hand is a completely different matter. I have satisfaction of turning my rebelious 10 year old back into the well behaved polite girl she was before. I have, however hated having to punish so much.

I want to turn devil's advocate to hopefully prompt some discussion. If parents do enjoy punishing (smacking was what the article was about but I feel smacking should only be one among many options) is there really anything wrong with that? Provided of course that they don't go too far and only punish for real misbehaviour.

I have lit the blue touch paper and will sit back and await the fireworks.

Please remember my first paragraph though before you tell me I'm a sicko. Thank you.

Peter

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Subject: Questions about how you spank.


Author:
Keisha
[Edit]
Date Posted: 11:27:42 12/04/09 Fri
Some questions about how you handle spankings that haven't been polled in this forum:

1. Are spankings something that's planned and a ritual at your house or does it just happen? How do you handle it?

2. Do you use "time outs" or cornertime? Do you do it before or after? What are your rules?

3. Are spankings just a part of the punishment or are they the whole thing?

4. Do you have a specific implement that's just for spanking? What is it? Where do you keep it?

5. Is a spanking usually done the same way beginning to end or do you ever for example start with your hand and go to a paddle or start with there pants up and take them down later?

6. What position do you use? Do you have rules about staying in position?

7. Are you satisfied with the way spankings work with your family or do you have issues or problems you'd like to improve?

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Subject: Exposure trauma


Author:
Bob
[Edit]
Date Posted: 14:50:16 12/01/09 Tue
My wife once had to expose herself to her stepfather when he made her take off her thong underwear before using his belt on her. As a christian girl she felt violated and that he was wrong as a christian man to make her expose herself.
She was 16 at the time. It was the only time he made her take something off before he spanked her.

What does the group think? Is my wife right? I think she is.

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Subject: Does No-Spank Contribute to Child Abuse?


Author:
Many Moons
[Edit]
Date Posted: 22:04:58 11/24/09 Tue
Does no-spank contribute to child abuse? It's a fair question. It is also an important question these days. Incidents of child abuse are on the rise.

Economic woes raise stress levels within families. Alternative child rearing strategies that, in some cases, seemed to work reasonably well in better economic times, may do little more these days than put too much pressure on already beleaguered parents. As a result, the modern strategies may do more harm than good as pressure build. This can be especially true if a parent has been brainwashed into believing that the worst thing they can possibly do is smack their child's behind even in a calm a reasonable manner.

Eventually, in times of stress, every parent reaching a breaking point. Even parents who preach against spanking have hit their children on occassion. Sometimes it has been where children are not supposed to be hit! There are simply those times when, it seems, everything goes wrong in a parent's day. If a child is allowed to push Mom and Dad's buttons with impunity, the bad day and the insufferable child may create conditions ripe for abuse.

Mistakenly thinking that spanking is always a sign of bad parenting, modern parents too often wait until the child behavior become a problem for them before taking action. This strategy can be as dangerous for a child when the parent suddenly spanks out of frustration as it can when the a parent spanks impulsively because neither parent has any real experience in administering a spanking that is in the best interests of the child.

Given the right circumstances, it may not much matter whether the child is a victim of a parent with a hair trigger temper of a parent simply pushed over the psychological edge. Children are better off with parents who use spanking as part of a broader parenting strategy. They are there when their child needs help. They are there when their child needs disciplining. These parents have experience in hugging their child when she needs to be comforted as well as spanking then when behaviors really do need to be improved.

It is quite possible that outfall from the current economic situation will cause a major shift in the way society views spanking. While paddling probably won't return to public schools any time soon, age-appropriate use in the home will not be considered as proof of child abuse. In that arena, the real hurtle will be in recognition that boys and girls do not have to be treated exactly alike for there to be good outcomes for society. If nothing else, whether in the field of finance or in the area of raising children, looking back may show that the once confident godless experts didn't know nearly as much as they pretended to know!

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Subject: Sage Advice


Author:
Many Moons
[Edit]
Date Posted: 10:41:35 11/24/09 Tue
Several years ago, a mom ran a website and dispensed parenting advice through various other media. This was so ordinary mom. In addition to professional credentials, she had extensive experience working with difficult children. She also had a firm belief in God.

Even a quarter century ago, this mom could see the problems society would have if parents did not straighten out their children at a manageable age. One particular area of concern was single mothers with pre-delinquent pre-teenage daughters. Too many of these single moms seemed to believe they were better off to not spank, since doing so might invite the wrath of some childless 20-something bureaucrat with the power to take her children.

Among her other observations were that there was a tendency toward antisocial behavior in all children which parents needed to decisively deal with before the inclinations became habitual. Based on her experiences as a counselor and as a parent, she believed that there is a positive correlation between strict discipline and good behavior. Because children did not think naturally about consequences of misbehavior, parents needed to remind them by spanking either the seat of their underwear or a bare behind. In particular, she saw parental denial as enabling delinquent behavior by empowering children to make-up the rules of life as they went along.

Her experiences eventually provided the springboard for a book that, unfortunately, never made it into the mainstream. One reason may have been her conflict over what to do about daughters in their late teens. Yet, despite her apparent misgivings, she privately admitted that older teenage girls could benefit from paddling.

Still, at the zenith of the anti-spanking craze, this worldly wise mom feared that, if parents paddled older daughters, they might be charged with abuse. This was particularly true since they might have to spank harder than if the girls were younger. Her attitude was quite reminiscent of a much early advocate of not spanking delinquent older girls before after discovering that there were simply some behaviors for which there no substitutes for a strap!

Instead, the counselor believed that future problems could be avoided if parents acquainted younger daughters with mild spankings as a consequence for misbehavior. If this was adequate, then those spankings should continue. On the other hand, she concluded that girls are often quite well-behaved before the ages of 8 or 9. Thereafter, if parents noticed antisocial behavior, they should paddle.

Although she believed girls in their late preteens and early teen years should be allowed to keep their panties, especially if a paddling was to be administered by her father, she suggested removing the psychological protection if a girl refused to cooperate. Nor was she was not completely opposed to stinging the back of a badly behaved young teenager's legs with a yardstick or similar stinging object. Likewise, she was not totally averse to unintentional, though lingering, mild bruising.

As an experience mom and counselor, she noticed that "life-changing spankings" often made positive changes in girls' lives in their late preteens. Although she admitted that it could happen to into the early teens, she believed that a "life-changing spanking," frequently a paddling, was usually more effective if given to a seldom if ever spanked preteen. Her stated goal was to give parents enough information so that spanking would become unnecessary age 12.

As an example of how to give a "life-changing spanking," she described a situation involving a 10-year-old teaching her young brother to steal from their mother's purse. Regardless of whether the girl was a composite of parental experiences over the years or an example of a real life parenting problem, the girl's behavior changed for the better after:

"Mom and Dad took _____ into their bedroom, where they had her take off her jeans, and lean over the bed. Then, they spanked her pretty hard with the back of a hairbrush."

Firsthand accounts included a Spanish mom informed by a teacher that the next time her willful 12-year-old daughter acted out, the preteen needed to be bent over a table and given 20 licks on her bare behind with a 24-inch cane. Despite being shown the implement and told what would happen, one day the girl could not keep from calling her mom an equivalent of the B-word.

Cane in hand, the mom marched her daughter into the living room, bent her over a suitable piece of furniture, bared her behind, and, despite a flood of tears, left welts! Afterwards the mom told her daughter that she would get another 20 stripes on her behind if her behavior did not improve. Although the original welts on the girl's behind faded within a few hours, memory of the experience had a positive effect on the girl's future behavior. An immediate repeat proved unnecessary.

There was also the thoroughly liberal American schoolteacher on vacation with her delinquent preteen. The girl ran wild until the mom paddled the difficult daughter's bare behind in front of her younger sister. Because the younger sister teased the older one for getting paddled, she was also paddled. Both surprised and pleased by the results, the mom began paddling both daughters on a regular basis and noticed a remarkable change in their attitude, grades, and subsequent behavior. Future visits to psychologists proved unnecessary.

It is important to realize that, while the mom's sage advice is often out of touch with child psychologists itching to fatten their bank account by often trendy solutions, it is quite workable if parents are willing to listen to common sense from someone offering practical advice from accumulated experiences.

As one girl told me recently, although her psychology books said spanking was ineffective, her personal experiences had taught her a different lesson! This was confirmed by someone who had chaperoned this girl while visiting several foreign countries. In an unrelated conversation, the chaperone observed that the girl was exemplary in her deportment. It seems to be a lesson that each generation seems to rediscover.

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Subject: Fathers spanking daughters - concerned mom


Author:
Lesia
[Edit]
Date Posted: 11:59:37 11/22/09 Sun
Hi. I'm a 30-something christian and mother. I have a son who is 11 and a daughter who is 13. I agree, generally, that fathers need to be active in disciplining daughters but I'm concerned that there may a point in a young christian girls life that she will uncomfortable being spanked by her father. My daughter has this concern.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I would like to hear from other moms who has a teen girl and how you feel about it.

Many thanks, Lesia

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Subject: Child choosing spanking over other punishment.


Author:
Peter
[Edit]
Date Posted: 09:50:05 11/21/09 Sat
We have been having some behaviour issues at the moment and my 10 yr old has had her bottom smacked more in the last few weeks than probably the rest of the year put together.
This morning we had some behaviour before leaving for school that I just did not have time to deal with and get to school on time. Therefore I corrected the immediate issue and told her we would have a chat this afternoon.
When we got in I sent her up to her room while I finished writing my sermon and told her I would call her down when I was ready for the chat. After about 15 mins I called her down and we discussed this mornings behaviour. I told her that I wasn't happy and that I should have smacked her this morning. I asked her whether she thought I should punish her now. She started crying but said yes. I told her I wasn't going to automatically smack as I don't think a parent should smack that long after the naughtiness as an automatic reaction, although of course corporal punishment should always be an option. I told her I would allow her to choose her own punishment from 3 options:
1. No computer or TV for the rest of the day.
2. Write 100 lines.
3. I smack her bottom.

She asked me whether it would be on her bare bottom and how many smacks it would be. I told her 6 smacks but I hadn't decided whether it would be on her bare bottom.
She chose to have the smack. I asked her whether she wanted to go over my knee or be bent over the bed. She chose to go over my knee.
I sent her up to the bedroom and told her to take her trousers down and wait for me. I allowed her to keep her knickers up. I know she hates waiting.
When I arrived she had done as she was told and was bent over the edge of the bed. I asked her again whether she wanted me to smack her like that or over my knee. I asked whether they should be warm, hot or red hot smacks? She told me she thought they should only be warm smacks as she hadn't been as naughty as some of the things she has done recently. I did agree with that although had I felt they needed to be harder I would have not taken notice of her.
She came and positioned herself over my lap and had her 6 smacks.
Does anyone else ever give a choice and if so does the child choose to be smacked rather than another punishment?

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Subject: Verbal Spanking Warnings


Author:
Jorge
[Edit]
Date Posted: 17:32:37 11/20/09 Fri
Is it good or bad to rely too much on on verbal spanking warnings? Last night both my daughters were in their bedroom in their PJs. I was down the basement trying to repair something. For about 20 minutes I could hear the two loudly arguing about something. Several times their grandmother told them to keep it down, but they did not listen. If anything, they became a bit louder.

Finally I came upstairs and all I had to do was to stick my head into their bedroom and calmly say: "If I hear one more peep out of either of you, you're both going to get spanked". From that moment on, until lights-out, there was no more arguing!

Jorge

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Subject: the principles office


Author:
joe
[Edit]
Date Posted: 07:46:38 11/11/09 Wed
The time given to a girl to reflect about her spanking before receiving her spanking is priceless in the giving of a good girl spanking. Notice the positve outcome of her GIRL spanking experience. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD0EfM5f3io&feature=related

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Subject: A question


Author:
Jorge
[Edit]
Date Posted: 10:35:46 11/05/09 Thu
Hello all:

I am very happy to have found this forum. I am a widower of 3 years with 2 beautiful daughters (ages 11 and 14). My late wife's mother also lives with us. I am Brazilian, but have lived in the New York area for over 20 years. We are Catholics and I have always been a firm believer in spanking.

Up until about a year ago neither of my girls needed to be spanked very often. However, that situation has changed quite a bit in this past year for my older daughter. When I'm at work, I'm told that she can really be extremely disrespectful to her grandmother, her aunt and even her younger sister! The words that I'm told come out of her mouth make me very ashamed of her. However, please understand that she NEVER acts like this whenever I am around. She knows better!!!

I'm afraid that in recent months the scene in our house at her bedtime has often been of my daughter across my lap with her PJs down, and I administering a sound spanking!

My question is this: Is this just a phase that my daughter is going through, or will this behavior keep up through the rest of her teen years?

Best regards,
Jorge

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Subject: girls opinion concerning spanking


Author:
joe
[Edit]
Date Posted: 10:51:28 10/26/09 Mon
This girl is spanked masterfully in giving her just the right amount of numbered swats with just the right amount of forceful spanking smacks. Her spankings go well for her because the one that gave them is schooled in the ability of giving a qualified girl spanking hence her acceptance of her spankings teachings. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nA6FUs2eOMg&feature=related

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Subject: Has Our Child-centered Society Run Amuck?


Author:
Many Moons
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:22:45 10/25/09 Sun
Almost everywhere one turns, there someone is proclaiming the rights of children. There are those who think that children should be able to vote at age 14. Others proclaim the right of children to become sexually active in their late preteens. There are those advocating that children be able to read anything they wish or say whatever is on their mind. Likewise, there are advocates for absolute privacy and association. In addition, of course, there are those convinced that children, especially girls, should never be spanked.

All of the above begs three questions:

1) Have the rights of children been pushed to the point that they are harmful to society? If not, how far can the children's rights movement go before it harms society? Are children's rights open-ended? That is, are they without limits?

2) Has the child rights movement actually harmed children? If not, how far can the children's rights movement go before it harms children?

3) Have adults been reduced to second-class citizens? If not, how far can the children's rights movement go before it harms adults?

While neither the above examples and questions are exhaustive, they should provide some points to ponder. In the end, what is the future of a society that discards its long-standing religious and philosophical underpinnings for a brave new world in which children become god-like creatures unable to do wrong?

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Subject: Introductions and a Request


Author:
Aaron
[Edit]
Date Posted: 11:14:48 10/25/09 Sun
Good evening all!

I'm relatively new aboard this forum and, after searching around for a bit, realized that there wasn't a place for me to introduce myself or learn who others on the forum were.

My name is Aaron. I am a former US Army soldier and former US Marine. I am a writer these days and actually making a living at it (a miracle worth of thanks in and of itself. I am a very conservative Jew but attend a Christian church with my wife and children. I've traveled the world and saw many things that changed my mind from that of a young boy to that of a growing man. I've seen the face of war and hate it. Very little good ever comes of war, even when it freed my people from the camps.

My wife is Nathalie. She is a very dovout Christian mother and the very beautiful light of my life. She's the girl who saved me from where I was heading in life while in the midst of a severe bout of depression. She is a brilliant woman and a wonderful mother. She was spanked until her senior year of high school, something her mother recounts now and again when we're talking about raising our girls.

We have four girls, the twins Anastasia (12) and Alexandretta (12), Jacqueline (8), and Jillian (7). They are all excellent girls. To be quite honest they are a total handful, but I always said that I'd rather have children that I had to spank now and again for getting into childish mischeif than a child who just stared at the television all day. They attend an excellent school and often times skip out to come to work with me to learn the trade. I can't say enough about my girls, they are just wonderful in every way and will, I hope, one day help lead this country to a better place.

All of our girls are spanked. We always, always spank over the knee and always spank with a wooden spoon or a hairbrush. They are very good girls, but they get into a certain amount of trouble because we encourage them to be adventurous and sometimes their little adventures take them beyond the boundaries we've set.

We always allow and encourage our girls to respectfully argue their side of the story, lest we become so sure of our own judgement that we become like unjust dictators in our own home. That's not to say that our word isn't final, we just remember what the world looked like through the eyes of a child. Sometimes what they think is okay, or how they interpret our commands, is much different than our interpretation of the situation or our intent. We never spank for mistakes that can be honestly explained. What we spank for is a knowing disregard the rules we set. The way I see it, we set so few rules, that the ones we set must be important and if you break one those rules you deserve a sore tusch.

The bad news...

I am a far left liberal. I look to the political right to see Marx much less President Obama. This leads me to my request:

Could we all just drop the liberal and conservative labels unless they're relevant? I know a lot of people think that liberals don't spank (my daughters would probably tend to disagree) and that the only people who don't spank are liberals. My wife and I spank and we know a lot of liberal parents who spank as well. We also know a lot of conservative parents who don't spank, so the labels just aren't honest.

The way I see it Christ was no more a conservative than He was a liberal. Christ spent a heck of a lot of time rebuffing the attempts of his disciples and others to get Him to comment on politics. He knew mankind. He knew that one thing that divides us more than anything else is politics, so He refused to take sides lest His message be lost in the confusion.

Had Christ taken sides, as people do in His name now, His message would have become unavailable to those who felt alienated by His political beliefs. His message is the only uniting message that matters to all mankind. To lose that message of peace and forgiveness simply to argue over the particulars of what was Caesar's (that message wasn't only about tithing and taxes) is to condemn millions who disagree to a life without Christ.

Constantly throwing out the labels of "liberal" and whatnot alienates those who would come here for advice about spanking and parenting and do not believe in a particular set of political conditions and values that have nothing to do with spanking or parenting. If you are insecure enough to need to call names, then pray tonight that G-d grants you conviction enough to articulte yourself more maturely, or that He grants you an open enough mind to understand that not everyone sees things as you do. I say these prayers every day because I fall into the trap alot, when I assume I know better than others.

Anway, it's good to be on board here. I hope to learn as much as I can from others and to contribute as best as I can to others. G-d be with all of you.

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Subject: Spankings as discipline for teenagers


Author:
Margaret
[Edit]
Date Posted: 04:56:19 10/25/09 Sun
My teenaged years were the early and mid 1960's, when spanking was more widely accepted and practiced in American families than is the case today. My Bible-believing family was rather strict and "old fashioned" even by the standards of the time, and far more so by today's more permissive standards.

I was not permitted to wear makeup or perfume, and almost no jewelry. I was not permitted to listen to secular pop music. Pants of any kind were forbidden, only skirts and dresses allowed at all times. And I could not wear anything which showed off my figure too clearly. I was not permitted to leave our house and yard after dinner time without permission, and when permission was granted it was nearly always for a church or school function. My curfews were early, and were strictly enforced; that meant one minute late and I was in big trouble. I was expected to obey my parents promptly the first time they told me to do something, and arguing back or "attitude" was not tolerated. I had plenty of chores I was responsible for, and was expected to keep my room tidy at all times.

My father laid down firm rules for me about my interactions with boys. Until I was sixteen the only "dates" I was permitted involved sitting on our porch together or else going to a movie or some other event with one or both of my parents coming along with us. And at sixteen a date for me had to be at a church sponsored chaperoned event. I was permitted to hold hands with a boy if my parents had met him, knew his parents, and approved of him. But kissing a boy was positively forbidden unless and until he and I were engaged (which of course we never were at that age).

Needless to say, moral persuasion alone would never have been sufficient to keep under such tight control a girl yearning to spread her wings and experience the world in newer freer ways. There had to be strong consequences for openly breaking the rules or else I would have broken them. I remember being given restrictions and extra chores as discipline in my teen years, but usually this was done in addition to a hard spanking rather than instead of one.

Spankings continued to be my parents' preferred method of discipline until I left home, given with a clothes brush by my mother, or with a belt by my father. I resented being spanked in my teens in a way I hadn't resented it as a littler girl. It was a childish form of discipline for a girl who hated to be treated like a child. But I was too well disciplined by my parents spankings to express openly to them any emotions which could have allowed my parents to realize how much their chastisements were hardening me towards them and distancing me from them in my heart, despite my outward shows of affection.

On the surface, I was a "good girl," an exemplary young Christian with excellent school grades who loved the Lord and her country and her parents. My parents had no doubt that they were raising me right and that I was a credit to them. But my heart was full of darkness. I learned to lie skillfully to get around their rules and to keep up proper appearances. I carefully planned and carried out ways to experiment with cigarettes and alcohol and forbidden books and forbidden boys with my parents rarely suspecting me and catching me almost never. I even lost my faith beginning in my mid teens and continuing for a number of years until I found my way back to the Lord as an adult - and all while living under my parents' roof I never told any adult about this. Every Sunday I put on a lacey satin frock and hair ribbon and attended church with my parents, going through all the motions of worship, and smiling and curtsying to all the required people afterwards. But it was all an empty act. My parents succeeded so well in keeping me under outward control, that they never realized how far I had truly strayed from them.

When I went off to college suddenly all of the freedom of adulthood was mine, with no Daddy around to make me bend over the arm of the sofa for a licking whenever I did exactly as I pleased. But I'd had no experience learning to conduct myself as a grownup and handle freedom responsibly in gradual stages, (as I think is proper for adolescents). My parents had controlled and disciplined me like a child, and in some ways, I was immature for my age as a result. I committed some errors which still pain me to think about and did a lot of foolish things which I don't believe I would have done if I had been permitted gradually more freedom over time as a teen to make my mistakes in safer contexts.

Some would say that the problem was my parents' too strict rules and too tight control, rather than the fact that they still spanked me when I was a teenager. But only spankings could have made me conform outwardly to such strict rules, so one required the other. Spankings also caused resentment in me, and made me more distant from my parents during a time of life in which I would have done far better to confide in them more if only I had felt safe doing that. Spankings also instilled fear in me, which is what they are intended to do. But they instilled fear at an age when I needed to feel safe enough to express feelings and thoughts which I knew would bring disapproval from my parents. As a result I was left to wrestle with certain kinds of spiritual crises and temptations alone without my parents guidance because I feared getting into trouble if I told them

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Subject: Birthday Spankings


Author:
Keisha
[Edit]
Date Posted: 05:01:16 10/23/09 Fri
It's always seemed kind of natural that kids would joke and have games sometimes about getting spanked. We always did Birthday Spankings and we always joked around about getting spanked quite a bit so I was surprised when a woman at my church thought that was wrong.

She thinks it's biblical and serious and not something to make fun of.

Before we got our presents or blew out the cake we had to go around and get one lick for every year plus licks to grow on and for luck. Some of my cousins tried their best to make me feel the "luck" through the seat of my jeans. My daughters do it too. It was always something kids did, it wasn't something the grown-ups told you to do.

My 12 y.o. is our "spankologist". She the expert because her butt is so familiar with the paddle. To me the fact that she jokes about it is fine and the same thing I did (though I wish she'd settle down a bit and not earn it so much).

Do you do birthday spankings? Do your kids joke about spankings or does that seem wrong to you?

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Subject: Introduction


Author:
Bailey
[Edit]
Date Posted: 19:14:52 10/20/09 Tue
Hello, I just located this forum, while doing some searching on Voy. I have spent the last week doing some reading of the varies post. To let you know more about me and my story, my name is Bailey, I'm 25 years old and married. That is the normal part, what is not so normal is that my husband and I have custody and are raising my 9 year old sister Briana. Our parents were killed in an automobile accident on their way home from a weekend get-away, nearly one year ago. I can say that this last year has been the most challenging and hardest that I have ever had to deal with. My husband and I have both have not all too long ago finished our college degrees, and are were trying to established our careers, when all this happen. As well we were starting to think about starting a family of our own, which we have for the time being put on hold. Having to deal with the legal aspects, and the financial aspects is not an easy thing to do, I never dreamed the insurance companies and government would be such a headache.
With that said I do love having my sister with us, she is a great kid. She is doing pretty well, she goes to a therapist to help her deal with our parents death and we are hoping she will show signs of improvement in school this year.
As far as discipline goes, it has not been an issue as of yet. We have not needed to, and I don't really know if it would have been fair to, had she needed it for the first year. My parents raised us with spankings, I got them as did Briana. Never anything horrible, some swats on the seat of our underpants with one of my parent’s open hand. I had never given much thought to how my husband or I would discipline her when it came time to, really this forum is what made it come to my mind. I guess I don't really know if us spanking her would be appropriate or not, or what would be appropriate. The other issue is if we did spank would it be best to stick with how my parents gave them, so that is not another change she has to go through, being that it's such an emotional and psychological deed, or is it best to not do things in the same way?
As for everything else we are trying to keep it the same, she stayed in the same school, church, and we have encouraged her to keep up with what were her normal actives such as dance and spending time with friends.

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