Hang in there! -- Schick Happens

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Date Posted: 11:51:47 05/13/07 Sun
Author: Nanette
Subject: Hang in there!
In reply to: carol 's message, "going to SSH" on 10:31:12 04/15/07 Sun

Carol!
I see the date for your attendance to SSH is coming up soon. Only one more week! I sincerely hope your resolve to attend SSH has not waned. Don't get discouraged if you have drank since your last post. Trying not to drink is a good thing, but like Cathy said in her post, she actually drank to maintain her courage to walk through those doors. Whatever gets you through those doors at SSH is ok.
My wonderful sister-in-law, made an appointment at SSH for me to go in last July. I decided I was going to quit drinking all on my own, instead. I went to A.A. meetings and actually didn't drink for most of that time, with a couple of nights of relapse in there. But, by September, it was clear to me that I needed more help. And I went in to SSH.
I wasn't sure how it would help me. I had heard about other rehab programs, and after attending A.A. I felt discouraged about how most people just lived under, what seemed to me, the harsh conditions of sobriety, and how it was just tough, a lot of times, getting through a day. And what I was hearing was that relapse actually was part of the program, (even if that is not what they were actually saying). It was just going to happen and that I could try to remain resolved about my sobriety, but that I could be one of the 75% of people who would relapse, not just once, but, over and over again. This didn't seem like true sobriety to me. I didn't want to maintain by only "not drinking". I wanted to be happy with my life too. I wanted more. I couldn't see how any rehab program could help get rid of that constant nagging struggle I was having with those awful cravings. I didn't understand how even SSH could help with that, even though it was tooted as a "different" kind of program. It was hard to believe. But, I was desperate. I wanted to try anyway.
I am so glad I did. I've learned a lot since I walked through those doors at SSH. Especailly about how our brains function, and how, in order to stop those cravings, we have to "re-train" our brains. That there is a medical side to this problem. That it is not necessarily that we are "weak" individuals with an inability to muster up will power, or even that we have to lean on a "higher power" in order to make it through. (Don't get me wrong, this does help for a lot of folks. It just didn't work for me.)
I was really scared the whole time I was preparing to go to SSH, and even the first couple of days there. I was nervous in the face of every Duffy. From #1 to #5. But, I did it. And, I can't tell you how great it is to feel free of those cravings. I thank myself everyday that I made that decision for myself.
I've had a lot of work to do since then in order to change habits, but, they have been so much easier to see and change since I am not having to wade through a craving. It is well worth it, even if it was scary.
While you're there, even if it seems hard at first, keep your mind open to all the things you are taught there. Focus on yourself, and work on figuring out what you need to help keep you going. Talk to others. It helps you to realize you are not alone, even if everyone's situations are different. Take time to reflect when you need to be alone. Use those rehab interviews for your own specific needs. Believe in yourself, and let each passing day there be a more positive one than the day before. Most people notice changes happening within the first 2 to 4 days there. Let yourself be amazed by that, and run with all that positive energy you are gaining. Allow yourself the thought that this will be a new, sober chapter in your life, for the rest of your life, and that even the struggles, as well as the good stuff, is all ok, and you can handle it all. (Believe me, you get through all those Duffy's and you feel as though you can conquer anything no matter how great or small...tehee...I giggle at that because I know how true it is...not only for myself, but, for other grads too. Duffy's are, when all is said and done, a beautiful thing...tehee.)
Carol, one other thing, we're all behind you. We know what you're experiencing. Grads have a tendency to become one big support group for each other, and for those who want to make the leap utilizing this unique program. You will be walking through those SSH doors with a whole team of wonderful people behind you in spirit.
Looking forward to hearing more from you. Read as many of the posts on this board as you can. Write to any Grad. They are all great.
Be well,
Nanette

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