"Expectations are premeditated resentments" -- Schick Happens

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Date Posted: 12:08:22 11/15/06 Wed
Author: N
Subject: "Expectations are premeditated resentments"

"If I was the kinda guy who would get a tattoo--and I'm not--I might get one in a readily self-visible location that reads "Expectations are premeditated resentments." Resentments are noted to be the "number one offender" for recovering alcoholics, and I heartily concur.

What does that mean for recovery? In the first place, I love the rush I get from a resentment, especially one I can fully legitimize. I can really get into feeding and nurturing a good resentment! And, too, it saves me the trouble of considering my own faults.

Can a recovering alcoholic like me have expectations? I think that I can have expectations as long as they are reasonable. Unreasonable expectations only set me up for a tumble. And I tend to have either unreasonably high expectations or none at all. I am a guy of extremes!

So how do I set up reasonable expectations? It seems to me that I must avoid expectations that are only self-serving. It also seems that I should not expect perfection from others--imperfection is a fact of life. I think that if I have an expectation of someone that I must hope for the best, but be able to handle the worst. If another does not meet my reasonable expectations, whether intentionally or not, I must be able to take it in stride. That is to say, I can't let another steal my own serenity by there actions.

I have to accept others as fallible, imperfect human beings, who often fail--as I do. If I live in a way that I do not expect too much from others, I am much less likely to experience disappointment when they do not live up to my reasonable expectations.

I have to take care not to set up unrealistic expectations for others. I have to be careful to not let the negligence of others be an excuse to slack off from acceptable behavior on my part. With God's help, I have the spiritual resources I need to deal with another's failings without becoming resentful.

Having a resentment against someone is letting them live in my head rent free. Not a good arrangement for me."
-Author Unknown

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Replies:

Re: "Expectations are premeditated resentments" (NT) -- N, 06:41:13 01/29/08 Tue