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Date Posted: 01:26:05 06/08/12 Fri
Author: d
Subject: fb116


#479 The Kindness of Patience

People hate to be rushed.

Some people are so nervous when others rush them, that they can't think clearly when they need to ask a question or make a request. Tell such a person, "Please take your time. Go at a speed you feel comfortable with." Observe the person and you will notice that there is an immediate reduction in tension.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)
#480 Choose Patience

What is the underlying message when someone says, "You cause me to become impatient," or, "This makes me impatient?" The assumption here is that another person or a specific situation is the cause of your impatience.

Actually, impatience is a choice. It is one reaction out of many that can be chosen. If you blame your impatience on an external factor, you are to some degree giving up on your own power to create your reaction. Your reaction in any situation always depends on how you personally and subjectively evaluate and perceive that situation.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)


See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"




18 Sivan

In 1944, Jewish day schools in America got a major boost when Rabbi Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz founded Torah Umesorah, the National Society for Hebrew Day Schools. Though Jewish day schools existed at the time (the first full-time day schools were Etz Chaim, founded in 1888, and Rabbi Jacob Joseph School in 1900), the idea was generally rejected by American Jews who saw it as 'parochial' and a step back to the European shtetl. Rabbi Mendlowitz, however, felt that "afternoon Hebrew schools" were failing to transmit Judaism in a compelling manner to students who arrived tired in the afternoons, and who were subjected to assimilationist influences in American culture. He set out to create schools that emphasized Jewish studies, without compromising its secular studies program. In recent decades, enrollment in Jewish day schools has thrived: Of the estimated 850,000 Jewish school-age children in America, about 200,000 are presently enrolled in some 900 Jewish day schools -- more than triple since the 1960s. Many recent studies have shown that giving a child a Jewish day school education is the single greatest hedge against assimilation.
19 Sivan

In 1855, the first Jewish hospital in America, Jews' Hospital of New York, admitted its first patient. The phenomenon of Jewish hospitals may have been linked to the experience in Europe, where restrictions were placed on the number of Jewish patients admitted to public hospitals, and even in America where quotas were placed on Jewish doctors studying and practicing. Today, Jewish hospitals are found in dozens of major cities including Los Angeles, Cincinnati and Baltimore. These hospitals are often ranked as tops in their field; for example, Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis is the largest hospital in Missouri, is regarded as one of the nation's top three medical schools, and is ranked as one of America's top-10 hospitals overall.



18 Sivan

Any love that is contingent upon a specific factor is lost when that factor is gone (Ethics of the Fathers 5:19).

We may not be aware of some of our own faults, although we may easily detect them in others. We may observe a scene of a powerful dictator standing on a balcony, greeting the throngs who are shouting his praises and wildly waving banners bearing his likeness. Watching how the dictator basks in his glory and in the adoration of the populace, we wonder, "What kind of fool is he? Doesn't he realize that most of those people who are so enthusiastically cheering him actually despise him with a passion? They are there only because they fear his wrath, knowing that they forfeit their lives if they fail to acclaim him. Why, these very people will dance with exuberance in the streets when he is overthrown! How strange, that a person can delude himself to think that people who hate him actually love him!"

We know all this, yet in our own lives it is not unusual for us to "buy affection" in one way or another. Sometimes we do things for people in order to make them beholden to us, and when they then go through the motions that would indicate that they do indeed favor us, we interpret it as sincere affection or admiration, rather than what it really is - an affected attitude, beneath which there may be smoldering resentment, quite like that of the dictator's "admirers."

Certainly, we should do favors for friends, and we should extend ourselves to strangers as well, but we should not expect, nor even have a need to expect, that our action alone will earn us their love or respect.


Today I shall ...
... avoid trying to buy my way into people's affection and admiration.

19 Sivan

If you have learned much Torah, do not take credit for yourself (Ethics of the Fathers 2:9).

The Talmud does not hesitate to reveal shortcomings of great sages, so that we learn that we are all susceptible to err and that our greatest scholars accepted reprimand even from their inferiors and did teshuvah.

On returning from a successful term at the academy, Rabbi Eliezer ben Shimon allowed his ego to soar because of his great progress in learning. On the way, he encountered a man who was exceedingly ugly and said to him, "Are all the people in your city as ugly as you?" The man responded, "Why don't you go and complain to the One Who fashioned me?"

Rabbi Eliezer realized what a terrible thing he had said. He begged the man's forgiveness, but the latter refused. When they entered the town, and Rabbi Eliezer was greeted by the townsfolk, the man said to them, "He does not deserve to be called a rabbi." Only after the people pleaded with the man did he forgive Rabbi Eliezer, cautioning him never to allow his achievements to go to his head again.

How could Rabbi Eliezer have made such a gross remark? The Talmud cites this incident to tell us that vanity is so degenerating a trait that it can cause even a highly spiritual person like him to sink so low as to insult someone in this manner. Once a person feels superior to another, the arrogance that is likely to follow can bring in its wake the most vulgar attitudes.

We must be extremely cautious that we do not allow our successes to go to our heads.


Today I shall ...
... try to acquire and retain humility. Even when I make outstanding achievements, I must never consider myself superior to others.

See more books by Rabbi Abraham Twerski at Artscroll.com


18 Sivan

Wasting Time

I live in New York City and spend two hours each day commuting. Plus another good chunk of my day waiting in line - at the bank, supermarket, doctor's office. I wish my time were more productive. Any ideas?
The Aish Rabbi Replies:

We each have a limited amount of time on this earth. And that makes every moment precious. As the saying goes, "Time is money." But ask yourself: Given the choice, which is really more important: five minutes or five dollars?

It's obvious that time is more precious than money. The older we get, the clearer that becomes. When we're young, we may feel we'll live forever. Legend has it that on her deathbed, the Queen of England said, "I'd give up all my fame and riches for just one more hour of life."

One of the biggest human tragedies is to waste time. Because that is literally throwing away a precious piece of life. Of course there are the obvious ways we waste time: Gossiping. Listening to moronic jokes. Watching sitcoms on TV. Playing backgammon for hours every day. That's "Killing time... and vise versa."

But there's a more subtle way of wasting time as well. I recall seeing a poster in a department store advertising clothes "to fit your busy lifestyle." The poster was appealing to our human desire to be busy. If we're busy, we feel important. But what are we busy with? What are we really accomplishing? Would you be proud of a tombstone that reads: "He ran a lot of errands?" Isn't there more to life than just "being busy?"

Now you're probably thinking, "Oh, this all sounds nice in theory, but I need time to relax!" Of course, everyone needs time for recreation and relaxation; a time to recharge and refresh. But when Western society says "relax," that usually means "space out." I recall seeing an enormous billboard for a popular entertainment/retail promenade. The message read: "The place to go when you've got nothing to do."

Judaism says don't waste a minute. This doesn't mean having a book in front of you 24 hours a day. (We have to sleep, right?) Rather, the Jewish idea of "relaxing" means to tune into another aspect of living. It should be purposeful and directed. When you sleep, it should be for the purpose of resting your body so that it will have the strength to do something truly meaningful. In this way, the sleep itself becomes meaningful.

Similarly, if you're visiting with a friend, rather than spend the time chattering about news, sports and weather, why not brainstorm ways to assist the community, or talk about the weekly Torah portion. Or take a walk through nature. Even though you change gears, it's not quitting. It's growth.

If you're daydreaming while commuting or waiting in line, then you're throwing money right out the window. Instead, learn something! There are endless Judaism classes available on audio. Set yourself a goal. Learn Hebrew. Go through a series on Jewish history. Listen to tapes on the upcoming Jewish holiday. (see aishaudio.com) There is no shortage of opportunities, if we truly desire to make it a reality.
19 Sivan

Observant Child in Non-Observant Family

I’m 15 years old and have really gotten into Judaism. The problem is that my parents (who are both Jewish) think that religion is bad. I started wearing a kippah and they freaked out. Keeping Shabbat is nearly impossible at my house, with the TV blaring and the pressure to drive with them to the beach on Saturday.

This is starting to cause fights. I’m ready to either give up or move out. What do you suggest?
The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Your position at the moment is definitely not a comfortable one and you do need to find ways to make it better. Unfortunately, your options are somewhat limited. It is not in your best interest to pick fights with your parents and whatever you can do to be discreet should be done. For instance, could you wear a cap instead of a kippah?

In addition to the mitzvahs you are obligated to perform – Shabbat, kashrut, etc. – don’t forget the mitzvah of honoring your parents, which means being respectful at all times, and showing lots of gratitude and appreciation for every little thing! This will certainly make them less resentful of your observance.

Another important thing: Give your parents a chance to see how your observance directly increases the quality of your relationship. For example, write them a note and buy flowers – for no special occasion. Once they see the correlation, and how your Jewish involvement is "good for them" – in a practical, everyday sense – then they are bound to be more encouraging and interested.

Also, it would be a big help if you could find a place outside your home that would provide a "comfort zone," where you can freely express your Judaism. If you let us know where you live we can recommend someone in your city who can help.

Finally, I would add that through experience I have seen that in 95% of the cases, parents who are initially resistant to their child becoming religious, eventually come to accept it, appreciate it, and often embrace it for themselves as well. It may take a few years, but I believe it will happen. So hang in there.

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