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Date Posted: 18:07:12 02/27/13 Wed
Author: d
Subject: ask1

The Wife's Ten Commandments for a Happy Marriage
by Mrs. Esther Piekarski

Library » Life Cycle » Marriage » Married Life | Subscribe | What is RSS?
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When Eliezer sought a wife for our forefather Isaac, prior to even asking Rebecca her name, he offered her gifts: two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels.
These allude to the two Tablets which contained the Ten Commandments.

Why did he give her these gifts at the very start? After all, he had been given signs to look for. The signs were there (she watered his camels, unasked). He saw she was kind; he saw she was pretty; he saw she was strong and healthy.Yet all this didn't tell him enough. What gave him the crucial information he was seeking? What was paramount? - The fact that he offered her the jewelry and she accepted it. Why?

Acceptance of these gifts verified the most important prerequisite for a wife of Isaac: "Do you accept a life guided by the laws of the Torah?" If she would not accept the two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels (symbolizing the two tablets containing the Ten Commandments, which in turn symbolize the entire Torah), there would be no point in asking her to marry Isaac.

The jewelry was, in a sense, the marriage contract - each of the Ten Commandments a condition thereof.

Every story told about our forefathers is a sign for the children, i.e. a lesson on how we should behave.

The Ten Commandments given to the Jews at Mount Sinai became the Ketubah, the marriage contract, between Hashem (the groom) and the Jewish people (the bride). Just as Rebecca agreed - as a prerequisite to marriage, to keep the Torah - so too must we accept and keep the Torah for the sake of our marriage with Hashem.

Let's see what the Ten Commandments can teach us about our individual marriages today...


The Ten Commandments

1. I AM THE L-D YOUR G-d WHO TOOK YOU OUT OF EGYPT FROM THE HOUSE OF SLAVES. HAVE NO OTHER GODS.

Let there be no doubt

In my work teaching Family Purity and counseling couples, I have met many people who feel uncertain they are married to the right person. They may have been married for decades, but they are still not quite 100%... sure. Some were sure at a certain time, but then doubt crept in. "Was I too rushed or immature when I made my decision?" "Is he the right person?" "Would I be happier with someone else?" "Did we both grow in different directions, become different people, in the years since our wedding?"

YES, you were immature when you got married but that is a good thing: You met when you were younger, still flexible, and you grew up together. He IS the right person, yes, as proven by the fact that you now find yourself married to him. You DID both grow and change since your wedding, but if you keep each other involved in the changes and the growth, they only serve to make you more interesting to each other.

Make no mistake: doubt can kill any good marriage; I hate to think what it can do to a shaky one. I have had experiences with women who became contented wives once it was determined that THIS IS IT: the man you are married to is the one you are intended to stay with, work with, live with, raise children with, pay bills with, figure things out with, grow old with and greet Moshiach with - this man and only this man.

The basis of keeping the mitzvahs is believing in Hashem Echod (the ONLY G-d).

Anochi means "I" in the Egyptian language. Now why would Hashem start the Torah, indeed the very first of the Ten Commandments, in a foreign language and not in the Holy Language, i.e. Hebrew?

At that time, we, the Jewish people had just come out of Egypt. Although we used our Hebrew language, Egyptian had also become quite familiar to us. Hashem, our groom, was looking for a common language -- some common ground with which to start off the relationship. This holds a lesson for us all.

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