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Date Posted: 01:23:30 08/08/12 Wed
Author: d
Subject: fb192



#540 Start by Admitting your Mistakes

When someone is angry at you, organize wisely what you wish to say. Begin speaking in a manner that is likely to have a calming effect. For example, begin by admitting your own mistakes. When you start off in an appeasing manner, the person will pay more attention to your words, and this will prevent him from causing you harm or loss.

We find an example when Abigail successfully calmed down King David, who was furious at her husband (see Shmuel 1, 25:25). She began by admitting that she herself had made an error. Only then did she present her arguments to King David. When you concede that you are wrong, others calm down.

When someone is angry at you, and you start out by either blaming him or denying it, you will usually increase the person's anger. If you want someone's anger to escalate, the best way to do this is to either say: "It's your fault, not mine."

It takes courage to admit your own mistakes. Even if you are only responsible in a small way, it is still best to start off by saying something like, "Yes, I could (or should) have done differently. I'm sorry for any pain or inconvenience I have caused you."

This will put the other person in a calmer state, and he will then be much more likely to listen to what you have to say in your own defense.

(see Ralbag - Shaar hapiyus, no.1; Rabbi Pliskin - Consulting the Wise, pp.58-9)


See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Life Is Now"




20 Av

In 2001, an Arab terrorist detonated a guitar case filled with explosives in Sbarro's pizzeria at the corner of King George Street and Jaffa Road, the busiest area of downtown Jerusalem. The heinous attack killed 16 people and wounded 100. Among the dead were five members of the Schijveschuurder family, and Shoshana Greenbaum, an American who was pregnant with her first child. A few months later, Al-Najah University in Nablus opened a public exhibition, a gruesome reenactment of the Sbarro bombing, strewn with fake blood and body parts.



20 Av

There are four categories of people who give tzedakah ... [the fourth of which is] one who does not give and discourages others from giving; he is wicked (Ethics of the Fathers 5:16).

Since this passage is listing varieties of those who give tzedakah, why does it include a category of someone who does not give? Not giving is not a sub-type of giving.

In the effort to streamline everything and make life less complicated, we have centralized many things, including tzedakah. Communities often have one organization that has one major fund drive a year. Those people who wish to operate in this manner are certainly at liberty to do so, but when they insist that this unified drive be the only one in the community, and they discourage all other tzedakah collections or campaigns, they are actually infringing on the privilege of others to dispense their tzedakah as they see fit.

I have the right to invest in mutual funds and allow others to diversify my investments for me, but I also have the right to choose for myself which stocks I wish to own. No one has the authority to deprive me of the right to make my own selections.

The passage cited is indeed considering only those who give, but among them there is a sub-type of those who give only once to a centralized drive and refuse to give to any other collection. While they certainly have the right to do so, when they try to exert their authority to prevent other collections in the community, while insisting that everyone must give only as they do, their behavior is unacceptable.

If you give tzedakah once, you have done one mitzvah. If you give tzedakah twenty times (even if you give a smaller amount each time), you have done twenty mitzvos.


Today I shall ...
... retain my right to give tzedakah as I see fit.

See more books by Rabbi Abraham Twerski at Artscroll.com


20 Av

Why Dip Bread in Salt?

I was at a Shabbat dinner last week and after they ate the challah, they dipped it into salt. I know there must be a reason, but I was too shy to ask.
The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Every time we eat bread we should dip the first bite into salt, not only on Shabbat, The reason for this custom is because the table that we eat on is compared to the Altar that once stood in the Holy Temple. The home is likened to a miniature Temple. Just as all offerings on the Altar were salted, the bread that we eat is salted, too.

Also we place salt on the bread because salt is a preserver, symbolizing that this meal is no longer merely a transitory experience, but a moment that will last for eternity.

Further, Genesis 3:19 says that we should eat our bread with the sweat of our brow (sweat contains salt).

The Torah (Leviticus 2:13) speaks of a "Covenant of Salt," where God instructs us to use salt on all the offerings as if to say that His covenant with us is eternal, sealed with salt. Since salt never spoils, it is a symbol of indestructibility.

(sources: Talmud Brachot 55a; Leviticus 2:13 with Rabbi S.R. Hirsch; Mishnah Berurah 167:30)



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