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Date Posted: 13:07:56 12/14/07 Fri
Author: JMR
Subject: Santa mail

What if Santa answered his mail honestly...
The last one is the best one.


Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in fast food service. How about I send you a frigging book called a dictionary so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.

At least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa: I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace and Joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa: I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my Mommy and Daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.



Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the baby-sitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. You're getting Legos instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa: I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis"

nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Barbie dream house it is!

Santa

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Dear Santa: I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs, and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

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Dear Santa: What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

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Dear Santa: Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa: I really really want a puppy this year.

Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater....

again!

Santa

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Dearest Santa: We don't have a chimney in our house so how do you get in? Love, Marky

Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky"! That's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Dear Santos Claus

I'm an illegal alien who lives in Framingham Massachusetts, I don't have to pay for school, Busing, health care or anything.
I have my parents to thank for that.
I would love for my parents to have some nice fresh usable false documents so they can continue living in these great United States without detection from ICE.
That way they can krank out some more anchor babies like myself, collect all the freebies that the Govt. has to offer and send the money they earn from working three jobs to invest in Realestate and businesses back home in Brazil so when they retire, they can laugh at the Americans who made it that easy for them.
People like, Ellie and Bill Tuluba, Vera DaFreitas, Illma Paixco, Ted Welte, some on the Board of Selectman and other town officials, and all the other left wing loonnies in the town who said nothing about them breaking the law.
Then they laugh and accuse eveyone who speaks out against their lawbreaking as racists! That way it takes the heat off them and directs it to those Americam Patriots who will be made to look bad.

Thanks Santos you've been a great guy, I feel that Christmas is everyday here.

Love
Maria Dasotos Da vida Conceptione Smithburg.


Dear Maria with many last names,

Your right about all the things your getting for free.
I'm ashamed that things are working out so well for you and your family when I see so many American families struggling to make ends meet.
What I'm going to do for you is quite simple...
When I come over to your house to deliver the false documents I'm going to round you and your family up, tie you all to the bottom of my sleigh, and bring you back to your country of Brazil and drop you from ten thousand feet.
Hopefully you will see the error of your ways and stay put in your own country and leave the Americans alone.
They have enough problems to contend with without you draining them dry.

Love Santa

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