Re: What do you think? -- The PM Refugees' Forum

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Date Posted: 13:54:58 05/21/08 Wed
Author: Michael
Subject: Re: What do you think?
In reply to: iteo 's message, "Re: What do you think?" on 10:18:59 05/20/08 Tue

Hi Rana

Just read your thread. Im really sorry to see you in that situation. As far as i can see, you did the only thing you could do. The one thing you should fix on is that she created a situation which gave you no alternative.

I can well understand how, without realising it, you have become fond of her, felt a kinship, especially in a home where you are the only adult perhaps.

I think you do have to be strong and struggle through. It must be very tempting to contact her. i know it would be what I was wanting in that situation. wanting to at least keep some contact, even to just talk. To ask her what drove her to it. The problem is you are setting oyurself up for a sob story. It can only ever lead to her working herself back into the home, and that would be too difficult for everyone. Any time anything disappeared, or got mislaid, she would be immediately suspected.

Life puts us in strange situations sometimes, unexpectedly so.

I hope oyu are able to put it behind you ni the next few weeks

Michael

>Hi Rana,
>
>So sorry to hear it. it sounds like you handle the
>situation very well. She left you few alternatives.
>You couldn't force her to admit it.
>
>But I can understand your current feelings. She sounds
>like a good person who made a mistake and was too
>afraid to admit it.
>
>A sad situation, I wish you the best of luck with
>everything.
>
>
>
>
>
>>>Hi Rana
>>>
>>>This may be too late, but perhaps you should confront
>>>her, but also be willing to forgive it.
>>>
>>>She may feel deeply ashamed.
>>>
>>>Once confronted, she may deny it. If she denies it,
>>>perhaps listen to her defense and if it falls short,
>>>then you have your answer.
>>>
>>>But if she admits to it, she may turn over a new
>leaf.
>>>Some of the best people have been driven to do things
>>>they wished they hadn't. She may even become a truly
>>>trusted member of the family.
>>>
>>>IF the situation has already been dealt with - can
>you
>>>tell us the outcome?
>>>
>>>Good luck!
>>
>>
>>Thanks Tom,
>>
>>I confronted her, and the situation was very odd. She
>>seemed shocked. For a moment I thought (wished?) I was
>>wrong and I expected her to defend herself but she
>>didn't. She didn't admit to it, nor denied it. She was
>>silent all the time .. I couldn't tell if she was
>>shocked that I would accuse her of theft or because
>>she was caught! I told her I was sure because I
>>counted the money before and after, and her response
>>was.... �how much were missing?�! .. just that..
>>that's all what she had to say. No "I didn't do it�
>>nor "are you sure?" nor anything ... She was blank.
>>
>>I thought I would take the discussion further and I
>>told her that I wanted her to think of any other
>>explanation why the coins were missing.. she remained
>>silent.. I said: Did you take them? she said only one
>>word: No!
>>I wish she said something like "never" or "You know I
>>wouldn't do something like that" or anything... but
>>all she said was a cold "No".
>>
>>I told her I won't be able to use her services anymore
>>as I can't go to work/ university with my mind
>>continuously thinking what would I find missing when I
>>come back home... all she said was "yes, you're
>right"
>>
>>The strange thing is that after I had said that, I
>>went to bring her that day's fare and when I came back
>>she had changed her clothes into the work clothes and
>>wanted to start cleaning the house! She seemed like a
>>hypnotized person. I told her she can't work for me
>>anymore.. she said "ok, then", changed her clothes,
>>took the money said "Bye" and left.
>>
>>I was deeply affected by this issue, both emotionally
>>and practically. I think about her all the time and
>>wish she had proven me wrong in any way. You know the
>>feeling of someone when they break up with their
>>boy/girlfriend? this is how I feel currently. I keep
>>wishing she would call, apologize, and come back and
>>that we would turn over a new leaf, as you said, and
>>forget all about the old one.
>>
>>My "messy" house needs her badly, and things are
>>becoming worse everyday although I am doing my best to
>>do the house work and my kids are trying to help. And
>>I miss her, as a person. She is so sweet, and caring.
>>She used to ask me if I had something beside coffee
>>before going to work, something my own kids wouldn't
>>think of asking.

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