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Date Posted: 10:54:34 01/03/08 Thu
Author: grasshopper
Subject: How...

...Can you fail to pull, whilst actively being pulled?!?!

For the second year in a row, around christmas time (literally a few days apart), I might add...I have extensive notes on the first episode, for obvious reasons (that aren't so obvious any more, maybe something to do with feeling like a DICKHEAD I dunno) I have not typed/fleshed them out here yet.

Long story short (may elaborate on this first one later, not sure yet), was in Shakespeare's Head just after chrimbo. Two pints down already feeling them getting ready to leave when this pretty brunette comes in and dumps all her stuff literally Right Next To Me before going back through to the bar (the room was completely empty at this point). So yeah, one more pint can't hurt I think. At the bar (she's already been accosted by one of the drunk pensioners in there - this one has a kind of white thing on top of his head and what I can only describe as a permanently suprised expression on his face) I overhear her saying how she's just come back from Birmingham shopping, collect my pint and retreat back to my perch.

She comes back in and stands literally right infront of me for a long few seconds before I ask her about her trip...we exchange a few words and then she says she's going to sit down and talk to me (I never offered the lady a seat, Cardinal Sin of gentlemanliness 101!!). The after we've been chatting for a few minutes she says that for talking to her she's going to buy me a drink (I know, I was in uncharted territory here already)...

...after about an hour (we were shooting some pool at this point) she asks me to feel her boob. Yes, you read that right. If you need me to say it again I understand - hell I needed her to say it again.

She Asked Me To Feel Her Boob.

"They're firm aren't they?"

Errr.....(and no I didn't do anything else, yes Yes I KNOW)

Remember the thing about uncharted territory? No Shit.

So all her friends turn up a nice mixed bunch. Somehow we end up in Rack & Roll shooting a bit more pool/sitting around drinking. She informs her female friend that she gives good blowjobs, later on she shouts out that she 'needs to get laid'. I nurse my pint.

We end up at a nightclub, three of us (this little Prick of a guy as well). We talk while she wanders round (at first I was chilling sitting on the floor inbetween the two rooms putting pen to paper - clubs are to loud/faceless for me you see), then she's chatting to some guy who's not getting any, then she's trying to snog the face off this little prick. At the sight of that I have to run, so grab the toolbox I'd just bought (forgetting it has some of her stuff now in it) from the cloakroom and bolt for the walk home/taxi I forget.

Yeah. Shortened, not really sweetened. She was only seventeen as well. We still text, but I have deffinately moved into friend territory.

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Just before chrimble, errr Saturday or Sunday night I think, me and Rich were in Loaded Dog shooting pool. There's a big group of ladies (eight or so) who meander down to where the table is, after a while one of them puts a pound down. We finish our games and go outside for a fag, then Rich wants to know if they fancy some doubles. They agree we end up having maybe half a dozen games with the same two (they aren't bad, which for me is a Major turn on in women). There's a slightly big tall girl and a shortish but curvy one, I'm meanwhile eyeing up one of their friends and not saying a SINGLE WORD to any of them during the entire time (something Rich later commented on - apparently it was light my lips were glued shut). I remember saying to him that there just wasn't any chat left in me at the time.

The pool finishes, they go back to their group, Rich wants to play on the itbox (or IdiotBox as I like to call them - pub quiz machines, like bandits, are built to remove you from your money - although that being said the boy is a born gambler so he does seem to do better then most some of the time (although some nights he does refuse to tell me just how much he's fed the beast so I think he's still in the red)), it's right behind where they are on the other side of the room. I reluctantly agree, we take our stuff and mozy on over.

Amazingly, we win a quid on Monopoly. Then loose our next game (Cluedo), so I convince him to cash out and NOT put said quid into the gambler (he already won't tell me how much he'd fed another machine in there earlier, so I'm guessing �40 At Least). He goes off for a wee, then the shorter, curvier one starts dancing away infront of her mates.

I watch without really leering at her, smile a little, frankly I'm not that interested but she looks like she's enjoying herself so cool. Then she motions me over to her, after a lonnnnng moment I put my pint back down (we'd been on the 4-pint pitchers ever since we arrived, needless to say I was feeling it a touch) and go over to her.

She proceeds to lassoo me with her scarf, and dance/sway up against me while I just put my hand on her waist a couple of times and say I-don't-know-what into her ear. We pause because one of her mates wants to take a picture of us (yes, can you say 'back into unknown territory eh Matt?' (yes Matt is my real name, fuckers like I care)), so I adopt the most "who the fuck is this person taking a picture of me?!?!" pose I can (think Hunter S Thompson, although I probably wouldn't say that if I'd actually seen the picture!). It brings a small laugh from one of her friends.

So the picture is taken, I brake away from her. For some reason I give a quick nervous side-swipe of a glance to her friends; one of them is egging me on nodding towards her friend.

This gives me the fear...well, actually no yeah I was going to say something about 'the unknown' but THE FEAR is much more apt. So I reatreat to my pint/corner.

My mate finally comes back from the loo (methinks he was having a brown baby boy). I tell him the story he can't believe it. I text my friend he can't believe it. Naturally I have the need to run so I run outside for a fag, my mate and his misses on the phone Still can't believe it. She gives me some advice but I forget/don't use it. A while later I look round and they are gone, when we get outside Rich spends 20 minutes on the phone to his hopeful shag (although all she ever does is cuddle him then fall asleep HA) before giving me �20 for a taxi and leaving me behind. I take a Very scenic route to Spar for a four-pack of Heineken before strolling down New Walk where a lady asks me "if I want any business". I ask her to repeat then decline, slightly regreting that as well as I walk away. Finally I find a taxi (the rank I use was shut, the Fuckers) and roll in before rolling out and rolling into bed.

One thing that Really pissed me about that night was that literally As Soon as I had broken away from her this dirty little CHAV FUCKER was all over her like a fly on shit. That guy just wound me up. She didn't seem interested which helped a little, but he was one persistent little white-jacket-wearing-fucker.

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So. There it is. Twice now in two years at almost the exact same time I have failed to pull whilst being pulled. I'm sure you can imagine how good that makes me feel about myself.

Maybe I could make excuses, talk about being terrible at talking to women about That (anything more then a Little banter and I am, once again, in Uncharted Territory), but at the end of the day unless you want to use the term the fear the only thing you can really say is that I am an Ass. Or maybe and Arse. Maybe just Muppet sums it up really.

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Replies:

Re: How... -- Johnny Reb, 18:12:22 01/06/08 Sun
- Re: How... -- grasshopper (singular), 13:10:03 01/07/08 Mon