| Subject: interesting read on julia dalton |
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Date Posted: 06:42:33 11/13/13 Wed
http://sheismore.com/julia-speaks-how-one-boy-crushed-my-life/
“I am a confident, independent and strong woman. I have accomplishments, gifts, and intelligence that I will never let anyone belittle or diminish. Because I love myself, I can love others with my whole heart.” These are the words that I repeated, and continue to repeat, to myself every single day since I ended the relationship that demolished my self-worth, crushed my confidence, and weakened me to my very core.
I entered college with pride, joined a sorority, made amazing life-long friends, learned new things, and truly flourished as an individual. College life was a dream for me, until I met a boy, we’ll call him John, who I thought could only make the dream perfection. Familiar with Jekyll and Hyde? That is who I dated for almost two years. The first few months of being with John were indescribable, I thought I had met my soul mate. We connected on a deep, intimate level and could talk for hours. He told me I was beautiful, smart, and treated me like every true gentlemen should treat a lady. But gradually that began to change. John went from my sweet best friend to my evil possessive captor. First, John would occasionally raise his voice at me. Then, that progressed to yelling at me on a weekly basis. I will never forget the heart-wrenching embarrassment I felt when John would scream awful things at me in front of our friends and peers. And I would just take it. He stopped telling me I was beautiful. He made degrading comments about my weight. He made fun of my dream of becoming Miss USA. He isolated me from my friends. He called me names. He punished me by refusing to talk to me for weeks over something I didn’t do. He was intentionally emotionally and physically abusive. And I would just take it. Why?
I was so broken and had lost all my self-worth. I didn’t feel good enough for anything or anyone better. John made me feel like that was the treatment I deserved. I went from a bright, polished college girl to a dull girl who lived in yoga pants and never wore makeup. John told me so many negative things about myself that I actually started to believe them.
Finally I hit rock bottom and resorted to self-mutilation. When John saw the cuts one day, he said, “I thought you had more self-respect than that.” And walked out.
I was the President of my sorority of over 150 sisters, but only 3 of them knew I was cutting myself. Those 3 sisters, along with the Lord, saved me and helped bring me back to life.That summer, John and I were apart due to long distance for 3 months. He always had good “reasons” why he couldn’t come see me. During that time, the fog over my eyes begin to lift just a little. I could feel a peek of life coming back in my soul. When we returned to school, I couldn’t wait to see him, it had been so long! But, the first moment he saw me, he lashed out in another rage of baseless accusations. It was then, that the courage finally welled up inside me to cut the source of toxicity, pain and destruction in my life.
When I ended the relationship, I had a strong support system behind me. But I will admit, it was still so hard. I would see John around campus all the time, except now he was a stranger. I started reading a daily devotional every morning and had my sister Kristen sent me scripture that helped me move forward. I stuck with my girls, smiling and laughing more than I had during my whole relationship with John. I can only describe the feeling as growing wings and soaring over paradise islands. I no longer lived in fear, I felt so free!
A short time after my breakup, a young man walked into my life that put all the pieces of my broken heart back together. He is gentle, kind, warm, and, most importantly, loves me like I have never been loved before. He reminds me of my good qualities every single day. He is a Godly man who supports me in everything I do. With his encouragement, I confidently competed for Miss North Carolina USA with the hope of achieving my dream of being Miss USA. He sat in the second row cheering with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.
It’s amazing how the people in our lives can control us so. I never thought I would be “that girl” trapped in an abusive relationship that everyone pitied. And because of my college experience, I never will be again.
If you are in an abusive relationship of any form, I know it can feel scary to leave. I know you might feel unworthy because of the lies he has made you believe. My advice is to surround yourself with a strong support system that will hold you accountable. The devotional, “The Confident Woman” by Joyce Meyer really helped me as well as journaling daily. Also, envelope yourself in the deep, impenetrable love of your God. No boy should ever take the place of the First and True Lover of your soul that craves to heal your broken heart. Invite Him in to give you the strength to leave. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8.
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