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Date Posted: 13:50:14 10/14/07 Sun
Author: Solomon (grateful)
Subject: solomon's first blog

WOW! So grateful. Change of thinking. merits my first blog.

It came when I was working on my application for Wycliffe, and under one of the belief sections, they asked a question about my beliefs about who God is and how it is reflected/applied in my life. That last part caught my attention- "And how is it reflected/apply in your life." God reminded me of a verse that says "God is not a God of (confusion/disorder) but of peace, as in all the churches." (1 Corinthians 14:33). I thought about the kind of day that I'd had, which included running around with many urgent things that seemed to come up-- even after my shift was over at 9:30am, and even when it was cutting into the important time I had set aside and planned to use for that application. By the time I finally got to sit down and work on the application, it was probably around lunch time. This happens all the time with me. For several years now, I have increasingly experienced periods where impulses or ideas come to mind to do things even when I am in the middle of doing something else. Zap-- the idea enters. Often they are good things. I may be about to go to bed and get an idea to do some extra task or email-- Often these ideas came at times when I was doing other things. It can be disruptive. I have important priority things that I plan to do, but then I get an idea of something else that would be good to do or some impulse and then I get confused. Is this the Holy Spirit? I remember praying for years that God would help me be more sensitive to leading of the Holy Spirit. So, when these impulses started some years back, I thought perhaps it was the Holy Spirit-- and so, even when it created disorder, I felt obliged to carry them out-- since I am afraid of being guilty for not doing something the Holy Spirit calls me to do. So, out of that fear of being guilty, I try to "squeeze" the idea in somehow-- or that extra task-- I tell myself it wont interrupt very much.

But often such impulsive tasks DO interupt. They interrupt my sleep. They interrupt and cause me to do a lower quality job on other things. I end up trying to squeeze more and more of the things in, more, and more, and more. But, I thought this was maybe part of what it means to suffer for Christ. And so I would often try to squeeze those ideas in. So, last Tuesday, when I remembered that verse- God is not a God of disorder-- I immediately studied this word disorder-- I thought-- OK, what does this mean and what doesn't it mean. Because if it means 'disorder' in the way I am thinking, then I have got to make some serious adjustments, because I bring disorder into my life all the time, and I thought I didn't have any other choice.

So I studied the word disorder, and in the context, the people were getting messages from God at church and were wanting to share them immediately-- so you'd have several people speaking all at once-- no-- Paul says-- no-- we cant do this. And why? He could have just said, it isn't the best for efficiency or for teaching, but the specific reason he gave was basically this: This is not the way God is-- ("God is not a God of disorder, but of peace") and, this fact about who god is, well... THAT is the reason they shouldn't be doing things that way-- The reality of God's character is the BASIS for his instruction that they cant all speak at once, but it should be done one by one. Order, not disorder. And a verse at the end of the paragraph further strengthens that he is using 'disorder' there not to mean civil disorder (like it is used elsewhere), but more simply like the chaos they were experiencing there- with things happening all at once.(check out 1 Cor. 14:40 to see what I mean). "God is not a god of disorder, but of peace." So they must use self-control over even their God-impulses. This is their wonderful freedom, and this is their command. (the things which bring God glory also bring peace and blessing to our lives, dont they? even if we cant see how it will!).

I also noticed that order and peace are connected! (check out 1 Cor. 14:33). I even looked up the use of the Greek word for peace-- and the definition was 'peace, harmony;-- good order"! In a nutshell God is teaching me that he wants me to exercise self-control over every impulse-- even when it is an idea to share something or do something that really is something God wants me to do. It still doesn't always need to be immediately right then. Timing is important. Or, to put it another way, order is important. In the verse above, God is saying that he wants me to do all things in a way that reflects his character as a God of order and peace, not disorder. I am not obliged to carry out every good impulse that I get-- as a matter of fact, he commands me that "all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner" (1 Cor. 14:40). This is not just a luxury that some people are better at than others-- no-- he wants it to be a characteristic that is reflected in the life of every believer-- even me! This blew me away! It is so free-ing-- I am not obliged to be let my impulses be in charge-- actually, he doesn't want that. Disorder does not reflect him-- Even when it is an idea to speak something that is from Him-- it must be done properly and in an orderly manner.

Well, here's where the rubber hits the road for me. I guess I've always thought that forcing some order over my ideas and impulses might be a nice luxury, but I thought that order was not necessarily a Christian thing or a God-thing. So, I haven't really prioritized it. I would get ideas in the middle of studying for a class, or late at night when I was just about to go to bed, and I would think I needed to carry them out immediately before I went to bed-- or else I would be guilty-- since, I thought, if God gave me the idea right now, he must want me to do it RIGHT NOW. How wrong I was. (Satan can use guilt powerfully, cant he? The times I have stood my ground and resisted, I find the feelings of guilt get worse before they get better. And giving in to it may bring temporary relief from guilt, but it is a step in the wrong direction, and I have experienced the consequences that can bring).

So, in my life, the mistake has maybe been in letting impulses control the order. This faulty thinking has been connected to my schoolwork going downhill when I was at Moody, and also the pattern of sleep-deprivation that I got into). No, no, no. God has spoken. He is a God of order and peace, and he wants me to let that characteristic become a guiding principle in my life. So, if I am working on something for God and I get an impulsive idea to talk to someone or do something else for God-- I dont have to feel like I must drop everything and immediately rush and go do it-- no-- God gives me the freedom (and the command!) to let order be a part of the way I do things. I must let order control the impulses, rather than letting the impulses dictate the order. And the verse hints that PEACE is connected to order. I cant wait to see the element of PEACE that will become a part of my life as I learn to reflect God by exercising order over all my impulses and ideas. I never knew this was the way God was-- but now it makes sense-- of course he is a God of order-- look at creation-- the fingerprints of order are all over the things God has made. I realize there will be things that come into my life that I don't plan-- things that will change my plans. That is fine. But, on my end, as far as my own planning and the way I go through my days, I am called to bring order to my impulses and to my life, because this is part of who my God is.

It will not be easy-- I have let impulses and anxiety/fears control a lot of my planning and daily pace-- and it will take God's help for me to impose order over those impulses and ideas and the fears and anxieties that will come if I refrain from some of them for the sake of order. I dont expect it to be easy. I have experienced (false) guilt/stress already this week for times I have made decisions based on order rather than on pressing impulses. I will need the power of God's Spirit to continue. But I am so grateful for what he has revealed, and am trusting he will provide the strength to let this quality take hold over my life. I would welcome your prayers. I am excited because I expect that it will be part of getting to know him better and growing closer to Him, and I am so grateful that he revealed it to me this past week! God is not a God of disorder, but of peace!
Join me in thanking God for it. It is part of my journey now.
sol-
my prayer: "Father, teach me to reflect you, and know you more by reflecting order and peace in my life. I ask for this, in the Lord Jesus' name"
PS- if you would like to see the notes from my study of the Greek terms relevant to these passages, or if you'd like me to hear more specifically about any elements of my story (much detail is ommitted of course), I would welcome dialogue. I would also welcome your wisdom if the Lord puts something on your heart to share with me. I know that I need the wisdom that God gives to other members of the body of Christ-- so don't feel like you need to hold back-- I welcome your thoughts.

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To Solomon: -- Fellow Traveler, 08:38:39 10/15/07 Mon