| Subject: What Makes a Good Top? |
Author:
Stan
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Date Posted: 13:30:25 02/25/17 Sat
I must confess that I have experienced more anxiety when I've been a "top" in a corporal punishment scene than I did when I've been a "bottom". The top is like the director of a movie. He is responsible for creating the scene, and he must bear most of the responsibility for its success or failure. He must remain alert to how the scene is progressing and how the bottom is responding. And he must be flexible enough to alter the scene if it is not going as desired. All the bottom has to do is obey the top's orders (or else!) and go along for the ride.
When I first started out as a top, I tried "play-acting" a specific punishment scenario (such as a ritualized prison punishment with a predetermined number of lashes), but it felt too artificial for me. I found it worked out better if I just used "reality" to set the scene. And reality, for me, consisted of the following:
(1) I like to punish a guy.
(2) I like to watch his body respond to the pain I inflict on him.
(3) I like to hear his verbal responses to the pain: groans, whimpers, crying, yelling, screaming.
(4) I like to instill a little fear (or anxiety) in him about what I might do to him (but not scare him to the point of panic). This involves treading a fine line but one that can be very rewarding for the top.
Sometimes ignored, "psychology" is an important element in a punishment scene. A skilled top can play with the bottom's mind to heighten the impact of a scene.
For example, when I've had a bottom over for the first time, I would invite him to sit on the couch in the living room, while I continued to stand some distance from him. Then, we might have a conversation to get briefly acquainted, Sometimes, before the bottom arrived, I might place a few punishment and bondage "toys" on the coffee table or end table by the couch. These might include an especially wide heavy leather belt, a leather paddle, a flogger, and a pair of handcuffs. These would be "conveniently" placed within his reach so he could easily handle them. Few bottoms I've had over could resist the temptation to "fondle" those toys.
If I was in a particularly devious mood, I might put a coiled-up bullwhip somewhere in the room. I wouldn't place it near the couch or in a conspicuous location. Instead, I would place it off in some dimly-lit corner, where he probably wouldn't notice it at first, but only later catch a glimpse of it. The bottom's mind might jump to the false conclusion that I've punished guys with the bullwhip, and it might create some anxiety in him about the possibility that I might actually use that bullwhip on him.
Does a guy make a better top if he has played both top and bottom roles? Well, maybe yes and maybe no. I think it's important for a top to be aware how much pain he is inflicting on the bottom. And I think it's important that he knows what it feels like being tied up and totally at someone else's mercy. But just because he has experienced bondage and punishment himself doesn't guarantee that he will be aware of and have empathy for what the bottom is experiencing.
I recall 2 guys I had multiple punishment sessions with. Both had been a top for me several times and both had been a bottom for me several times. As bottoms, both guys could take more punishment than I could, but they definitely had their limits which were not as high as some other bottoms I have met.
One of those guys, when he played the top, started out his scenes with punishment that was way too heavy for me, and my limits were very quickly exceeded. Needless to say, I did not enjoy those scenes at all. He was a nice guy. It's just that he wasn't very sensitive to what I was experiencing as a bottom.
The other guy seemed to have a better feel for what I was experiencing. He once confided to me that I required a "lighter touch" than most guys he had punished. I consider my experiences as a bottom for him, which are described in my post "Getting The Belt", as among the most enjoyable I've had.
Rather than seeing how much pain the top can inflict on the bottom, perhaps a worthier and more challenging goal would be to see how long the top can keep the bottom willing to continue the punishment and endure the pain.
A lot of guys play both top and bottom roles. So I tend to relate to them as "equals". But I recall, with one particular top, I experienced a feeling of dominance from him which I found especially exciting. Although I don't really know for sure, I had the feeling that being top was the only role he identified with.
When I went over to his place, he had me strip naked and then he tied my hands to an overhead exposed beam in his living room. He then took off the wide black garrison belt he was wearing and proceeded to whip my ass with it. Surprisingly, I did not end up crying, as was my norm, from the pain of the whipping. I'm not sure why. I don't recall whether the lashes he administered weren't all that severe or whether he gave me longer than normal recuperative breaks between sets of lashes, or whether I was in some kind of altered state. At one point, I hesitantly asked him if he could whip me on the back (which I had a decided preference for, at that time) and I cautiously hinted that it was okay if he gave me heavier strokes with his belt. He complied with my request. I got more aroused, but I still did not end up crying. That was the only time I can recall when a top did not reduce me to tears. However, I would have willingly submitted to more severe punishment if he had chosen to inflict it.
The top had a "roommate" (possibly a lover) who was out that evening but scheduled to return after a certain hour. So we had to wrap up the scene before then. Unfortunately, I regret not trying to arrange to meet this top again for another punishment session as I really enjoyed that feeling of being dominated by him. Sometimes, people we've met are only appreciated in hindsight.
For the curious, everything in this post is true.
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