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Date Posted: 09:31:23 12/09/09 Wed
Author: J-Byrd
Subject: You guys Deserve an explanation....

So.. you guys totally deserve an explanation for my prolonged absense. First i was dealing with a touch of depression, and lack of motivation.. and Stress.. lots nad lots of of stress/.... I stil lhave my job, thank god.. but the boyfriend's business is floundering big time.. and he's worrying about declaring bankruptcy. he's worried about loosing the house... Which makes me worry whether he's going to want me around if he does loose hte house.... Which sends me into a depressed funk again. *sigh* I was starting to do better with the depression.. the boyfriend was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel... and then about a month ago FB, my oldest cat, the tabby... passed away. I came home from work on a monday, went upstairs to check on his food, water, and to say hi and give him some loving... and found him on teh floor at the foot of my bed. cold. I was so freaked out i couldn't bear to pick him up and put him in a box so that i could bury him hte next night at dad's. I'm still kinda traumitized by it... if i think too much about him i start crying again. That hwole. "i didn't do enough for him. didn't lov ehim enough, didn't take good enough care about him" guilt comes and goes in waves.

So.. my muse has been dead in a big way for a while now... But i miss you guys... and i have found in the past that writing always helps me in a huge way to come to grips wiht my pain/depression/anger whatever... Soooo. i'm back.. that and loo has kicked me in teh but again. :)

Loo... i miss talking to you at work woman! *huggles*

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