| Subject: Re: Hard times |
Author:
Confused
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Date Posted: 05:55:08 11/08/14 Sat
In reply to:
Dee
's message, "Re: Hard times" on 03:25:58 11/08/14 Sat
Dee, I'm glad it's working for you. It doesn't seem to work for everybody, in fact in my experience, especially with teen girls it seems to have a reverse effect. The grounding escalates the behavior and breeds resentment. Sometimes just taking the cell or computer away doesn't fit the crime and loss of all privileges is in order. I've seen it a thousand times, rebellion grows stronger, penalty grows longer, as Candice said, grounding is doubled. Eventually the visible behavior improves, but becomes more creative and sneaky. The parent is fooled. The lesson is not learned. Maybe Candice can give her input, was the two weeks, four weeks of confinement what made the difference? Did her isolation really bring her closer to the truth, closer to the family or did the switching really bring home the message?
I have tried to be very understanding for the past several months, understanding that at her age many changes are taking place in her mind and body. I have turned my back to a lot of strange behaviors I have seen, had long talks or attempts at talks (not lectures mind you) trying to understand whats going on. It was a long time ago, but I was there too at one time. Her older sister went through many changes herself and still is, but not nearly to these extremes.
I am disturbed by many of the things I have seen. Not just rebellious behavior or coming into ones own as can be expected at that age. It's not just the disrespect and disobedience, although there is plenty of that and it's not just that which is aimed at her father and I. She was always a loyal, loving, confident, self reliant and righteous girl. Some of her most beautiful and admirable qualities, which could sometimes make one grit their teeth and hold themselves back, qualities which could earn her a spanking at times, yet very admirable seem to be disappearing. Others have noticed it too. Others, teachers, other parents, even her own friends have mentioned it. Without gong into specific details I hope you all understand what I'm trying to relate.
She had always been boastful of her intelligence and abilities, maybe boastful isn't the right word, but vocal, precocious. Actually others have noted maybe before I even noticed, but she seems to be relying more on her status and association than her own great qualities. I fully understand that at that age being popular and who you hang out with becomes extremely important to most girls (and boys I'm sure. The rage and self righteousness and sense of privilege that seems to come from it and her recent disloyalty is most disturbing. I guess it's one of those things you would have to be there to understand.
The recent parent/teacher conferences was like an arrow through my head. The grades are good, but having teachers and others point some of these things out sent me reeling.
Recently privileges were taken away one by one, which led to screaming, arguments, tantrums and demands and sneakiness and further misbehaviors. Eventually one week full grounding resulted in worse behavior and door slamming that shook the house, as Candice said it was doubled until eventually an angel emerged. In reality a devil in angel wings. (There were spankings in between, but not bare bottom and not much). Eventually I took deep breaths, found my happy place and administered a proper bare bottom butt blistering. Another a few days later at the first sign of trouble.
The experiment with loss of privilege and grounding was a complete disaster and actually worsened the behaviors I had hoped to reverse. The spankings seem to have gotten the message across and this is a work in progress. We still have a lot to work on and it wont be easy for any of us.
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