Re: As They Would Will It -- Critique Cafe

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Subject: Re: As They Would Will It

Author:
Paul

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Date Posted: 18:17:04 01/26/08 Sat
In reply to: Sasha 's message, "As They Would Will It" on 18:12:06 01/23/08 Wed

Sash,

I know this poem of course, and know the route that led you to it. I love it's powerful and bitter feel, and cannot find fault with the composition. My one suggestion, would be to lose the contraction of the word 'Except' at the start of the last stanza.The 'c' followed by the word stench, is almost a tongue trip waiting to happen, and I think the full use of the word would give that line far more weight and power.

Peace and love,

Paul.

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