[Scene One]

(the scene opens with TOTAL arriving to pick up his friend Dirk, the Albino from the hospital. TOTAL pulls into the hospital parking lot and gets out of his black Dodge Viper. He goes in and catches the elevator up to Dirk's room. Dirk, who's reading a magazine, drops it and turns towards TOTAL)

Dirk, the Albino ~ It's about time you showed up. You'd think that a friend that would let you use him for target practice would merit a little importance in your schedule.

TOTAL ~ Sorry Dirk, I had a couple of things I had to attend to first. Scheduling some in-ring promo time and all. Everything OK? I mean, did the docs get all the nails out OK? Especially, uh... down there?

Dirk, the Albino ~ Yeah, you missed the familly jewels just barely. A few inches lower and I'd be pissing sitting down from now on. Not to mention that I can't have sex for a month while I heal, although that hasn't been too much of a problem so far, since Kelly left.

TOTAL ~ Jeez, Dirk, don't start with that shit again! She wasn't worth your time anyway. So how long do you have to stay bandaged up like that anyway?

Dirk, the Albino ~ Supposed to come back in a week for a check up and to make sure there's no infection. Then hopefully just a week after that and I'll be able to take them off.

TOTAL ~ Cool. Lets get out of here. Did I tell you the one about Jesus, the innkeeper, and the three nails?

Dirk, the Albino ~ No and I don't wanna hear anything about nails right now. Or ever. Not even a thumb tack. Let's just get out of here.

(They go out and get in TOTAL's car and the camera fades to black as they pull away)

[Scene Two]

(the camera fades back in and show's TOTAL arriving at the NHW arena. He pulls into a double parking space with a big neon billboard that says "Reserved for the Bob's" and parks his car in both spots, across the line. He gets out and goes in the back door. As he's walking down the hallway, Rudy, the stage manager comes running up to him)

Rudy ~ I'm glad you made it this time! Look TOTAL, I hate to have to say anything, but you've been missing a lot of scheduled interview times. Even when we we've sent sent camera's out to where you said you were gonna be, half the time you're not even there. You know, it costs the NHW a lot of money to...

TOTAL ~ (stoping and glaring at Rudy) Look Rudy, stop bustin' my chops! I've got a lot of shit goin' on in my life right now and I just don't need it. Give me 20 minutes to gear up and get my pyro ready.

Rudy ~ Are you sure you're gonna make it out... (a glare from TOTAL) All right 20 minutes. Get ready to do your thing kid.

(time: 20 minutes later. A big red fireball comes shooting up from the top of the rampway, accompanied by explosions. The crowd goes wild as the PA booms, playing "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains hits. TOTAL steps out to the top of the rampway and stands looking at the crowd. He starts walking down the ramp and red pyro goes off on both sides, from the top to the bottom as he makes his way down. He gets into the ring and calls for a mic from the ring announcer. The announcer throws him one and TOTAL begins to speak)

(nothing but static comes out as TOTAL tries to speak. He throws the mic at the ring announcer and calls for another one. After a few seconds of digging they toss TOTAL a different mic)

TOTAL ~ Outlaw was right sbout the mics in this damn fed, they ain't worth a shit. Now for those of you who don't know me, and that's probably like two retards in the back row, I'm TOTAL. But enough about me, I came out here tonight to talk about my opponent on this upcoming Day of Retribution, Shadow. The man, the myth, and, let's face it, the jobber. Now I'm sure he'd like everyone to believe that he's out there training for our match this very minute, but I know it just ain't so. If he ain't in Mexico already, then he's holed up in his hotel room, waiting for the show to start so he can be sure I ain't waitin' for him outside. The fact of the matter is that he hasn't been seen since he cut his first promo. So Shadow, it's like this. If you get up the sack to show up this Saturday...... PREPARE TO BE TOTALLED!!!

(TOTAL drops the mic and exits the ring)

[Fade To Black]

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