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I am Anna-Lena, I am a 21 year old girl in Germany... I was born as a boy (named Arne) and for my 18th birthday I got my SRS…
How did all this happen…?
I grew up in together with my mom and my grandmother. I don’t know my dad as he left before I was born.
Until my 11 birthday, I was a “normal” boy. As a teacher my mother was the engaged in lot of youth activities, especially activities that would promote and support girl’s and their equal rights.
So she also headed a girl’s “Pfadfindergruppe” (I guess, the equivalent in the US would the “girl scouts”). The group of girls (aged between 8 and 16) always met at our house and so I knew the girls well. I was jealous of their activities sometimes, but my mother insisted that I could not participate as I was a boy.
Although still so young, I was attracted very much to one girl. Eva. She was 12 at that time and she was gorgeous… Her blond hair, her figure, everything on her just beautiful. Eva also had a beautiful personality. Quickly we became good friends. We met at school, at our house when the group met, etc.
One day, Eva asked my mother if I could go along to the zoo with them. My mom said no and Eva asked why. My mom explained the girl’s thing and Eva came to me and asked if I wanted to go along. I said yes and Eva said “come with me”. In my room she unpacked her backpack and out came a group uniform. Light brown cargo skirt and blouse, beige tights… I was unsure and Eva said, if you want to be a girl for a day, you can come with us. I said “no thanks” and Eva seemed very disappointed. I could see tears in her eyes when she said “oh, okay”… She wanted to put the uniform back and I told her to wait. Minutes later I was wearing the girl’s group uniform, only the shoes were mine… We went downstairs, Eva said, that another girl wanted to come, my mother burst out laughing, the other girls laughed as well and before I could make up my mind again, we were in the bus going to the zoo.
From then on, I was allowed to take part in the activities from time to time, which was great because I could spend time with Eva who also enjoyed being with me. I didn’t mind the uniform as long as we were together. At first my mom didn’t like the whole idea too much but then she said, it was good that I could learn a lot from the girls and that it was okay for her if I went along – as one of the girls. She warned me that no macho behavior would be tolerated…
After a while we were doing group activities down town and my mother called to say that the bus broke down and she could pick us up. She had called all the parents and Eva said I could come with her to her place. So I met Eva’s parents as a girl and Eva didn’t explain the situation. I spend time in her room with her and we got very, very close to each other.
Then one day, Eva invited me over to stay the weekend, but she said, I would have to come as the girl “Anna” because her parents only knew me under that name and they would not allow a boy to stay over…
So after the group meeting, we went to her house, I was wearing the group uniform. Eva’s mom suggested that we change and I said, that I not brought any other clothes. “But your mom did” said Eva and pointed out to a bag sitting next to the door. I was puzzled… We went to Eva’s room and I unpacked the bag. Inside was short pink jeans skirt, a white and pink summer dress for Sundays, a light blue skirt with white dots, some white tops, three pairs of pantyhose, panties, two pairs of flat girl’s shoes, white and pink, etc. I was stunned. Eva smiled and suggested that I wear the light blue skirt with a white top. I took off my uniform and Eva helped me putting on the sheer pantyhose. I had never worn anything like this… Eva changed into a blue polodress and we went to have supper. Eva’s mom commented my very boyish hairstyle but said she was glad that at least I liked girl’s clothes and how much she hated to see when girl’s would wear those ugly jeans pants or even boy’s clothes. I spent the whole weekend there as “Anny” and no one noticed anything.
Time went on and without me really noticing, I became more and more girlish. With the help of my mom or Eva, I shaved my legs, I would always wear nice girl’s outfits when I visited Eva at her house, etc. I painted my fingernails together with Eva, etc. Except school, I was mainly in girl’s clothes now.
I was almost 13 now. After a while my mom said she needed to talk to me about all this. She asked if I liked living as a girl and I said “yes”, it’s great. It was great, I was accepted in the goup as a girl, I could be with Eva, although I looked at her more from a boy’s stand point… But my mom insisted that we find out if I was possibly transgender, a word I had never ever heard before and I had no idea of the meaning.
Over the next months, we saw a few doctors and psychologists, who interviewed me, I had to write stories of my life, etc. Then one day my mom came home early. I was in the living room with Eva. I remember exactly that I was wearing a short jeansdress, pantyhose and for the first time High Heels. Eva had suggested I try them and learn how to walk in them. My mom stood in front of us, she had some papers in her hand and then she slowly said: “Arne, you should be a real girl.”
First I didn’t understand. I looked at Eva who asked my mother “Are these the results?” Yes, Arne has been diagnosed as transgender.” Eva hugged me and said “Too cool, you are going to be my best girl friend”… I was still not understanding and my mom explained me the whole thing about the interviews, the tests, etc. At the end she said that inside I was a girl and that she would do everything to help me become the real girl I should be.
From then on, everything was different. After the summer holidays, I went to a new school, registered as “Anna-Lena”. All my boy’s stuff disappeared and was replaced with girl’s stuff. Within three months I went from being half boy, half girl to living full time as a girl. I didn’t own a single pair of pants anymore, I had only skirts and dresses to wear. Eva loved the changes, she and the other girls treated me very nice all the time and always made me feels, I was one of them.
The puberty suppressants avoided that I would go through male puberty. My male parts didn’t grow anymore, instead they were shrinking. Around my 14th birthday I was staying at Eva’s house and when got undressed to go to bed, Eva noticed that I had grown very small breasts… She was so excited, searched for one of her bras and put it on me. It was a strange feeling which I remember until today when she put the bra on me. She said it’s a gift and that I should wear always wear a bra from then on...
By the time I was 15 my body had become more and more girlish, I now wore B-cup bras just like Eva. My skin was so soft, I had a girl’s butt and a lot of boys and men looked at me when I would go down the street. Eva and I spent more time together than ever before and one day I told her that I thought I was in love with her. Eva became serious and said that she also loved me as her best friend, but not more. Eva said that I was a girl now and that she would only date boys. She the confided that she had already sexual experience with a boy from my old school and that I should address my feelings when I had my next appointment with my therapist (legal requirement in Germany to see a therapist when you are a transgender juvenile). Eva hugged my and said she would always love me as a friend but that I needed to understand that nothing more was possible. I was sad, I told her that I still had male parts, but Eva again said, no..
I talked to my therapist about this and she said it was not unsual for a boy to girl transgender child to have these feelings. She also explained that a lot of “new” girls would live a lesbian life after their SRS. And so on…
Eva and I never talked about this again. I was happy when we could spend time together and we would always do “girl’s things” together…
At age 17 my SRS was scheduled for the earliest date possible. My 18th birthday. My SRS was done in the Netherlands. It was painful, but when I saw my vagina for the first time, it was overwhelming. Now I was a real girl… Nothing of my boy’s parts left… Eva came to Amsterdam and stayed there for a week until I was released. Of course she wanted to see the results and congratulated me on finally getting rid of these “shitty leftovers”.
Eva and I became even closer friends after my SRS. She seemed to enjoy my girlhood more than my mom or any other person who knew about me.
Now since I had no more “ugly stuff down there” (as Eva always said referring to my male genitals), she encouraged me to wear more candid clothes, strings, super short shirts, thin tops, etc. We often dressed as twins, sort of, we would even wear the same skirt or tops and it was fun. One time Eva said, I was the little sister she never had at home. We did “funny” things as well. A few months after my SRS, we sat in outside a café in a pedestrian area in Frankfurt and lots of people walked by. Eva smiled and asked we should make fun of some men… I asked how we could do it. She then went to the bathroom, when she came back, Eva showed me her purse and inside were her panties. She told me to go and take off mine as well. I did. Now we both sat there in our short skirts without underwear. When a man walked by, Eva signalled me and we spread our legs so that the man could see our… It was hilarious how some men almost tripped or ran against light poles…
Last year my mom helped me pay for a breast enhancement surgery to make things look right. I had grown breast due to the hormones, but I felt they were rather small and my mom said, I should have them corrected. Now I have wonderful C-cup breasts of which I am very proud. I have to admit that I look at my body when I get out of the shower and I can’t believe myself that I ever had a boy’s body.
Although there was a time where it was hard for me to accept the loss of my male life, now I am happy in my new body and life. I lover my hair, me breasts, my butt. I probably should say this but there are “born” girls who do not look as good as I do… Which I think is funny.
Today I work as a ground handling agent for a German airline. On the job I normally wear a (skirted) uniform and no one her knows about male past. I get hit on by so many men (passengers and co-workers), it’s unbelievable.
Eva now has a steady boyfriend and also tries to hook me up with boys. At age nineteen I had my first sexual experience with a boy. I have to say, I was little drunk and didn’t like it at all. A few months later, Eva had introduced me to another boy, we also had sex, but I just didn’t enjoy it, or better said: I hated it. When he penetrated me, I felt so helpless, so passive, I let it happen as I didn’t want to embarrass anyone at the time. But when he asked me to take his male thing into my mouth, I almost had to throw up and I said “no way”. After that experience I decided that I wouldn’t want any other men between my legs... My mom still thinks it’s a shame and I should try to think and live a “normal” sexual life of a young girl, but I just can’t and I don’t want to. Eva has accepted that I don’t want anymore boys in my life.
Half a year ago, I met Monika, she’s 19 and we now live together. She is also employed at the airport. She is a “born” girl and when I told her my story, she first wouldn’t believe it. She also doesn’t like men too much and we shared our experiences with the male world in regard to sexual activities. We both agreed that we don’t want any more men in our life.
It might sound funny – but in our relationship, Monika is taking kind of the male part. She is about four inch taller than me, she hardly ever dresses in skirts or dresses (she wears female underwear though). When we got our new uniforms, she didn’t want the uniform with the skirt, however, there are occasions where our airline requires the female employees to wear the skirt uniform, so she had to take it. On these occasions Monika is always in a bad mood because she hates to wear pantyhose, etc. Her mom told me that Monika even as a child hated to wear skirts and tights.
At the same Monika likes it when I wear very feminine outfits. So even here I am more girlish than the “born” girl…
We might want to have kids, however, Monica would have to get pregnant and she is not ready yet. We’ll see. Adoption is not a choice as there is still a law here, that allows “real couples” (man & woman) the adoption of children.
Okay, that was my story in short… Thanks for reading!