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Date Posted: 09:37:44 01/09/16 Sat
Author: Kaity L. (for Maryanne and Donna)
Subject: Re: My mom's BF spanked me
In reply to: maryanne 's message, "Re: My mom's BF spanked me" on 14:24:18 01/04/16 Mon

I have been thinking a lot about this. Let me say a little more about my life when I was getting these kinds of spankings before I say what I think.

My spankings were never physically abusive. I never feared for my life or safety, and I was never injured. There was nothing overtly sexual about them either. Nobody was touching my genitals or coming into my room at night and making me do sexual things with them. I wasn't raped or forced to give blow jobs. I never even saw an older boy's or a man's penis until after I had been taken away. (I saw like 4-year-old boys naked sometimes, my cousins or maybe other friends.) But there was definitely a sexual overtone to the way I was punished. The embarrassment of being forced to expose my body, and the way that the pleasure of being touched in good ways and cuddled was totally mixed in with the intense pain being delivered to my bottom and legs by spankings has certainly messed me up in some ways that I am still discovering. I would say that my vulnerability was abused, maybe.

When it was happening to me it seemed totally normal. I never would have thought that anything anybody did to me was wrong or that they didn't have the right to do it. Even though I was not raised in the kind of isolation that your friend Donna is, being home schooled and attending a church that actively supports the men within the church spanking her, I totally believed everything Jake and my mom told me, or made myself believe. I could have told any of my teachers what was happening and been taken away a lot earlier than I was. I even knew on some level what could happen, which was one of the reasons I didn't do that. I didn't want to be taken away. Even when it happened I was very upset at first. But then I found out that I was going to be allowed to go to movies with boys and it wouldn't always hurt to sit down and I could wear fashionable clothes, or at least flattering inexpensive clothes, and all of a sudden I was very angry with how I had been raised, mostly with my mom. And there are still things from that period of my life that I cling to.

I think you should probably tell someone about Donna, someone official not connected at all with either of your families or your church. I know that is a hard thing to do. I know that nothing might happen, and it could even make it worse. We had someone investigate our family twice before I got taken away, and both times I got spanked for it afterwards even though I had nothing to do with it happening. But I also was cuddled and told how good a job I did talking to the woman from the state and at the time I was quite proud of that part. But Donna doesn't know enough to act in her own interests at 12, and I don't think her mother or the boyfriend are considering Donna's best interests either.

Playing poker for the right to give spankings to the girls he bothers me intensely. A lot of things that you describe happening to Donna sound like things I had done to me to normalize spankings in my mind. Especially having the girls fully naked and allowing different men to spank us. It emphasizes that spanking a girl is a man's right simply because she is a girl. That's how I felt growing up, that men had the right to spank me. I didn't have any rights to be protected. Playing poker with spanking chits or letting your friend pay off a debt by letting him spank your step-daughter at ten bucks a pop (which happened to Jillian in this forum) is maybe not physical abuse but it is treating a girl more as a toy than a person and will be more emotionally damaging long term than any spanking or embarrassment.

The thing that is hardest in my life going forward still isn't anything physical, which was all completely healed in a month, or anything related to the semi-sexual nature of my punishments, which affects my life in big ways but not ways I consider necessarily bad, but the fact that nobody cared enough about me for my spankings, or how I felt about the way I was being spanked or embarrassed, to matter. Spanking Kaity was a reward or a chore, something on a to do list, not anything having to do with Kaity. It takes a long, long time for me to believe that anyone really cares about me.

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