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Date Posted: 07:39:46 04/28/17 Fri
Author: Heather
Subject: Re: My spankings through my teen years
In reply to: Farrah 's message, "Re: My spankings through my teen years" on 13:04:00 03/16/17 Thu

>Thank you for these posts, Allison, and also
>especially Jillian and Kaity. I don't know why it
>never occurred to me to look for anything like this on
>the web before. I know there is a lot of spanking porn
>and I have found a lot of voy forums that are mostly
>fake posts or fantasies. There are reddit support subs
>but it never seems worth the bother to set up a
>throwaway account that I would have to keep track of.
>Mostly those deal with immediate issues. Scarlateen is
>pretty good for some things but I didn't discover it
>until I was 19 and I feel kind of old there, and its
>kind of aggressively sex positive.
>
>I'm in college now, a sophomore. I'm 21. I was used I
>guess you could say as a toy by my father growing up.
>All he did was spank me and touch my body a lot, and
>trained me to like it or at least not stop him. He
>never did anything sexual enough to make me think it
>was sexual. My mom and I moved out when I was 16.
>Before that I got spanked almost every day, maybe not
>always a big spanking but at least a few swats on my
>bare bottom to make me cry and need his cuddling. I
>was encouraged to go naked around the house. He gave
>me baths until I grew breasts (late, at 11) and my mom
>made him stop. Even after that he always dried me off
>after a bath or a shower and usually scrubbed my back.
>One thing that always got me spanked was if I ever
>touched my own butt. It stang all the time and it felt
>good to rub it, like scratching an itch. I also got
>spanked for stuff like scooting my bare butt along the
>carpet or the couch to rub it. I had to ask him to rub
>it for me if I wanted it rubbed. I called him "daddy"
>until we moved out. Growing up everything about the
>way I was raised seemed totally normal. I never
>thought I was bright. My father always told me I was
>stupid, and he would complain about having to spank
>me. I remember when I was 13 and he was spanking me
>again for something really minor and he said: "I guess
>I should have learned by now that you're just one of
>those girls who needs to be spanked every day." I
>believed that. I thought that some girls really did
>need to be spanked every day, and that I was one of
>them.
>
>My clothes were always skimpy. I never bought my own
>clothes, and I never owned any clothes that weren't
>super revealing. I didn't understand that there was
>anything sexual about my short shorts and mini skirts
>and tiny tops, even when I started getting breasts and
>noticing boys. Boy did boys notice me, and I loved
>their attention. I was never allowed to wear make-up
>or go out with boys, though, until after my mom and I
>moved out. I was told I wasn't pretty. My father made
>fun of my breasts being so small, and so did some
>boys. I got teased about being tall. I got teased
>about my weight, even though I was pretty thin. I got
>teased because of my name. I got my belly button
>pierced for my 12th birthday, and never wore a top
>that covered it up after that except when I had to. I
>didn't have a cell phone even when every other girl in
>my class did. If a boy called our land line to talk to
>me, which was listed in the phone book and happened a
>lot, I got spanked. My curfew was 8:00 on school
>nights when I was 16, and of course being 30 seconds
>late meant a spanking. I wore a short nightgown with
>nothing under it to bed, which my father reached under
>and moved up when he stroked my legs, bottom, and back
>before bed. I became anorexic in 6th grade and got
>hospitalized in 8th, and again in 10th when my mom
>moved out. I was actually in the hospital when she
>moved out, and when I got out of the hospital I went
>to a new town an hour away. I had to do 10th grade
>over, and make all new friends, but nobody knew I had
>been in the hospital, and nobody knew I got spanked,
>which I didn't after that, and I was allowed to stay
>out later and even go out on dates as long as I didn't
>lose weight. I got a phone and was allowed on the
>internet and social media.
>
>High school was still hard for me. I had a horrible
>self-image. I was in counseling with two counselors.
>Once a month we made a 2-hour drive round trip to meet
>with my old counselor who had really helped me when I
>was hospitalized, and my counselor in my new town was
>great at helping me adjust to the changes and keep
>eating, but we didn't really deal with my life. She
>did get me to believe I was smart enough to go to
>college, but we never talked about why I felt stupid.
>In three years we never talked about my spankings or
>the emotional put-downs from my father. Then my senior
>year just before graduation I got raped at a party by
>a boy I knew, and that set me back. That summer I
>stopped eating and started losing weight again. At the
>time I didn't even think I had been raped, but now I
>would say I was.
>
>If I didn't gain enough weight by the first of
>September my mom wasn't going to let me go off to
>college, so I somehow managed it, but I was not in a
>really good place emotionally when I arrived on
>campus. I had an appointment with a counselor at the
>school during orientation week before classes even
>started. My mom and I met with her briefly the day I
>arrived, before my mom headed home. My mom was worried
>about whether it was safe for me to be on my own, and
>had arranged for me to meet with her right away. She
>was great. I started meeting with her every day,
>because it was free, and she had no problem meeting
>with me daily if I needed it. We really talked about
>all sorts of stuff, my rape, growing up being spanked,
>the way I dress, boys, being a doormat. I also had an
>amazing roommate by random luck, who had overcome
>probably a lot worse stuff than what happened to me,
>but earlier in her life. She had round burn scars all
>over her legs from a car cigarette lighter from when
>she was 8 and 9. It wasn't right away, but second
>semester I told her about a lot of my abuse growing
>up. I didn't think my abuse was bad enough compared to
>hers. She told me it was harder for me because my
>abuse wasn't as bad, so nobody noticed. I also got
>into tai chi. Not super seriously, but with a campus
>group that meets early mornings, and that has helped a
>lot.
>
>Now I know that my father liked to spank me. He
>complained about it just to cover that up. I did not
>need a spanking every time I left a sock lying around
>the house or forgot to put my dishes in the
>dishwasher. Those things were just excuses to spank
>me. There is no such thing as a girl who needs to be
>spanked every day, so I was never one of them. He
>deliberately tore me down so that he could keep me
>under his thumb. He did a lot of the same kinds of
>things with mom, just never hit her. Except for being
>raped, I'm still a virgin. I like flirting and having
>my body noticed. Even though I like boys to notice me
>I am still very shy. I know it is okay to dress in
>skimpy clothes and not have sex. Like Kathie, I spank
>myself. I realize now I got aroused every time I was
>spanked probably as early at 8 or 9, but I never knew
>what those feelings were until after my spankings
>stopped. I have learned to masturbate, which I never
>did before college. It is okay to do that. I don't
>fantasize about having sex, I fantasize about being
>spanked. I have never talked with any of my friends
>about my attachment to spanking. I am up front with
>boys I date about not wanting sex or a serious
>relationship. There is a boy I have a crush on and we
>flirt, but I am too scared to go out with him because
>I don't trust him. I have one friend I really trust
>who is male who I know is interested in me, but he is
>not pushing it, just being a good friend. We cuddle
>and sometimes have made out, but he is always totally
>respectful and never tries to get me to do things or
>acts jealous when I tell him about other boys. We have
>even slept in the same bed. He is a virgin and lots of
>people say he is gay (not in a bad way, just that they
>think he is) but he isn't. I am still best friends
>with my freshman year roommate, and I have two other
>really close girlfriends. We go shopping and to the
>mall and to parties together, and study together, too.
>I would say I am basically a normal college girl. I
>have issues that I am working on and my life wasn't
>ruined by my father. It would still have been a lot
>easier if I had grown up in a family where I was
>treasured instead of used. I would be a lot more
>confident and better able to deal with adversity. It
>is hard for me when anything changes.
My step dad spanked me almost daily too,bare butt with his belt from age 13 to 19,so did his brother and his guy friends were allowed to watch often

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