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Date Posted: 22:09:24 11/27/00 Mon
Author: J. Nelson
Author Host/IP: 216-203-166-192.ticnet.com / 216.203.166.192
Subject: "the deceiving bliss"

pulling nails, driving deep breaths at my lung, it never fails the lie prevails, empty mind, passive pshycodelic acidic pills, the friend that kills, never find the time to rewind, is it time for such, but how, the life of the drug is much, different now, the smell of incense still lingers, theres tastes of resine on my fingers, whats that i feel, dancing pictures on the wall, its just not fair, sounds of pink echo in the air, but the high is gone, am i down do i care, the dimmed light of the candle, the wait i can hardly handle, it flows, on my mind, it grows, the passion of the blind, the impenetrable cloud, the loud sound of silence, the trees are so kind to sing, and i am left with nothing, i scratch for the rimnense of pill dust, all has been taken
to the floor i must, i search for the bottle, but it is gone, i fear its near, theres nothing here, it is so silent, the air is loud, im proud, i realize, its frantic facing facts, i pantic, but theres no one near to hear my fear, there never really was, its always been, empty meaningless life, is it a sin, the life of the drug, is it the normal escape, for the post-evolution ape, my lungs are now scared, and my mind is dimmed, because of this nothing, that seemed something, and i just want to run, i just want to get out, but i doubt, that this thing that these thoughts thought they think about, can be captured in something i doubt,
i want to breath...
all of this life has added up to nothing, i’m waiting for something, what a nonsence of nothing, thats how lucy keeps singing, but i don’t know what it is, i’ve seen too much but not enough, i’ve lived a lives worth of drama, am i only beginning my life, its all become a play, say thankyou say please, excuse me while i tease, but these people i find, blind across the fence, it makes no sense, my movie my life, my life is so far from real, but real could kill i feel, real seems to be, nothingness is me, what is the point, what is the fucking point, i can’t see, i’m blind, i’m empty, maybe im free, quick chain me before i flee, i am nothing, that is life, life is but a dream, crazy, God let me wake up, there is no god, i’m dead, will i wake, i’m empty, maybe i could take, another place, less contemptuously great, like a prison made for this ape, i have made my own chain, i sit up hoping, to control the plight of my brain, but my hopes are lost, how do i find myself in this, wonderfully uncomfortable bliss, i am the drug, i am no longer human, all i see are empty faces, no one knows me, no one understands, the strands of hands that hold me, this bitter fucking taste, i have so many friends in the ends of my mind, alas, i am alone, hand me the bottle, give me the pill, leaving me the spoiles an empty life, is this life at all, why won’t anyone call, these people aren’t my friends, they don’t love me, they speak in riddles, they speak to me in rhyme, my real friends abandoned me, and in my sickness i am fine, let me out, but i don’t really want out, i just want to pout, let me pull the trigger, i figure they won’t even remember

my empty life

my mind is numb
fuck it
feed me my life
feed me my drug
fuck it...

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