Re: PJ's problem -- Spank with Love

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Subject: Re: PJ's problem

Author:
Tohru

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Date Posted: 15:53:04 07/17/12 Tue
In reply to: PJ 's message, "PJ's problem" on 14:10:50 07/17/12 Tue

I think it might really be time for your parents to cut you loose a bit. Not cut you slack, absolutely not, but you are a young man and I think it might be time to face some adult level consequences for what you are doing. You can't just get away with no consequence. It might be time for you to start supporting yourself if you don't do your household chores or accompany your parents to church. You are a man and need to take responsibility for your actions.

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[> [> Subject: Re: PJ's problem

Author:
PJ for Tohru
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Date Posted: 17:07:48 07/17/12 Tue

I think in more ways than with most 16 year olds that my parents do "cut me loose" on lots of things. Frankly I feel I have more independence than many of my peers.

The root issue here is WHY am I having these flare ups?

I think Dad (and Mom too) would agree that some adult level consequences would work as "punishment" but, we are looking to solve my problem. I think Dad has identified that my issue is probably now beyond consequences.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: PJ's problem

Author:
Tohru
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Date Posted: 19:27:34 07/17/12 Tue

That is a good point. If the anger is extraordinary that is a problem.

"Frankly I feel I have more independence than many of my peers."
That is good to hear. It is hard for me to say one way or another. My parents really have never done much to encourage my independence, but I have to say that I have also never really received any punishment during my teen years.

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[> [> Subject: Re: PJ's problem

Author:
Rat to Tohru
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Date Posted: 20:21:35 07/17/12 Tue

I am not sure what you suggest would solve PJ's issue. It seems he just gets "angry in the moment" and then does or says something he regrets. I think he is looking for help with that.

I agree at 16 that a "young man" needs to start experiencing the adult world and adult consequences BUT he is still also legally a child and his parents do have some responsibility to him which they seem to be exercising. And, still being a "child," he is going to act as such on occasion. But "adults" get angry and do stuff they regret. I think it is good that his parents are helping him figure this out before he gets to be an adult and the consequences might involve peeking out through bars while wearing an ugly orange outfit.

It sounds like his parents' reaction has been reasonable but, for what ever reason, it is not helping PJ. So, time for a new plan.

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