Author:
Bob E.
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Date Posted: 07:29:14 09/27/12 Thu
My apologies for not being more explicit regarding these issues, Russ. Okay, here are the clarifications:
Question # 1: This will probably make more sense if you would read the response to Question # 2 first, before reading here. For the reasons that you specified (physical and emotional maturity) we too waited until the age of five for our last son, Noach, before starting spanking. I believe that he was about a month past his fifth birthdaey when he had finally exhausted an extended "reprieve" of warnings before actually having his pants taken down and getting my hand spanking his bottom. But, even before his birthday, I had talked to him about how, after he had his birthday, he would be getting spanked. And, I eplained in detail the process of what would occur; I would tell him why he would get a spanking, ask if he wanted to tell me anything, and then what would happen. (I keep the pre-spank talks very simple in the beginning.) I also reminded him that he'd seen all his other brothers go into their rooms with me. Then he heard us talk to each other through the doors, and after a point, he heard a hitting sound. And, that this was always accompanied by their brother's crying. That meant that when HE got a spanking, it WOULD make HIM cry. I reminded him that when I left the room after spanking his brothers, that he saw that their bottom was red from my spanking them, and it hurt so much that they cried, and then they wished that they did not misbehave and get a spanking. We had this talk several times, and I even quizzed him on some of the aspects of the spanking. When I was absolutely sure that he understood everything perfectly, were we comfortable with giving him his first spanking.
For our other children, spanking was not started until about the age of seven. (We were no very consistent in our discipline, however- see below.) Why the age of seven? No real good reason, I see now! I believe that was so that we were SURE that they were "ready" for a spanking, and that what they did would be "bad enough" to merit one! I know, neither reason was very logical, particularly given that our children are so intellectually advanced.
Question # 2: I am afraid I confused things here, Russ. You see, we did spank our children prior to this past March; it was simply that we did not spank them consistently! That is, a behavior that was spanked for one day, may or may not have recieved a spanking on any other day. Our entire behavioral approach was lax. That was the purpose of the Behavioral Contract that we and our sons signed- to define in precise terms, what things were to be considered misbehviors, and how those misbehaviors would be punished. To some extent, the fact that our children are "gifted" helped us esablish this contract, especially with our younger sons. (Though all were most capable readers when they signed the contracts.
As for "bumps in the road" when we initiated our "new program" yes, there were some. Most notable were objections to the "bare bottom" method that was mandated when spanking was dictated. We explained the reasons for this to our boys (consistency among one spanking to the next, and enabling a judgement that we did not "overspank" them), but they still wanted that we be able to spank them over their briefs, as we sometimes used to do. We also explained that the briefs really did not provide any cushioning effect for them. Finally, we indicated that this point was non-negotiable; we stood our ground on this issue. We also pointed out that when they were into puberty, if their mother were to spank them, they would be allowed to have boxers or briefs, or thin pajama bottoms. However, if I were to spank them, there would never be any question as to how we would be spanking.
I might add that we were also aided in the whole acclimatization process with our "new program" when our eldest son, Levi, was allowed to post at another web site for children, Spanking-with-love.proboards.com. He served as a "spokesman" for our tribe and was able to air their grievances to another family of teenage children through Private Messages. (I did carefully supervise.) One of those teens, in particular, PJ, who also posts at 228811, the family site, was extremely helpful in explaining any issues our children had. Thus, much of my work was facilitated for me. The family site, 228811, did not appear until several months after Levi had started posting at the Proboards site. I think that either site, with proper supervision, could be used for the purpose I did.
The next bump that we faced was that our children did not really believe that we would continue though with our program as we have. They felt that we would surely "forget about this, after a while." (Their actual words among themselves, I note!) Well, we handled this by insuring that we did not let ourselves slip in our diligence nor in our resolve. To be sure, this meant that they "tested us" in the beginning, and we had MANY spankings to administer to prove that we indeed meant what we had put into the contracts. And, we may, even now, still be at that stage, as we are still spanking at a fairly high rate. (About 3-5 per week, and sometimes more.)
If we were to repeat the experience would we make any changes? NO! In fact, in retrospect; we did MANY THING RIGHT! We first carefully formulated a Behavior Contract that specified the specific behaviors that would merit punishment, and what the punishment(s) would be. We made sure we as parents would be comfortable enforcing this contract. Then, we held a Family meeting, and had the boys sign the contract. Then, we consistently enforced each and every term of thecontract, just as specified. After we saw the need to make changes, we held another Family Meeting and had them sign the amendments that we had prepared. At no point would we have made any changes to what we did. We are quite pleased with the results that we are getting at this point. I guess I could say that I do regret not having done this "new program" a long time ago.
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