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Subject: Background


Author:
Beverly
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Date Posted: 12:40:40 09/26/12 Wed

I'm Beverly or also known as "Chris's Mom."

Chris is 13 and is our only child. We are very proud of him. He has a form of cerebral palsy, which causes him to have some limitations, but he has done well with the challenges he faces.

Discipline has been a real challenge for us. We didn't start spanking Chris until he was about 8 years old. We couldn't bring ourselves to do it, even though we believed he needed it sometimes. We really had spoiled him. My mother-in-law finally convinced us to try spanking. It was the hardest thing we ever did, but it was the right thing to do.

My husband, Don, works out of town 3 to 4 days a week, so much of the day-to-day discipline is left up to me. We use the demerit system to keep track of good/bad behavior such as chores and curfew. When Chris earns 10 demerits, we sit down with him and have a talk. We try to do this on weekends when Don is home so he can give or assist with spankings. Some misbehavior, such as lying and direct disobedience, earn Chris an immediate spanking, which I normally give.

We use a paddle mainly, although I spanked Chris a couple of times recently with Don's belt and found it was really very effective.

Chris has started complaining now that he's a teenager he thinks he's too old for me to spank him "bare-bottom." He's asked me to let him wear a pair of shorts or underwear. I'm considering it but would like to hear from other parents, especially moms, about their opinions on bare-bottom spankings.

I hope to hear from other parents and that this forum can become a good exchange of ideas. Best wishes to you all.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Background


Author:
Bob E.
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Date Posted: 04:50:04 09/27/12 Thu

Beverly,

I am not a Mom, but I am a disabled person, and I understand the reluctance that you had to treat your son as you would have traeted a non-disabled person. I became disabled at the age of 21, through a motor vehicle accident at 35 miles per hour initially, and a spinal cord disease that befell me one month later. I also had bone chips that severely compressed the spinal cord at the thoracic ("chest" level); these were suspected one month after the auto accident, but for unknown reasons (also known as "Bob's luck") they were not seen on the first myelogram. They were reluctant to repeat the myelogram, as I was allergic to the dye. Finally, three years later, the cord compression was detected and I had surgery but it was too late to do any good- the damage done to the spinal cord was permanent. I do walk although I initially required canes, then forearm crutches, now a walker. And, I have been told my walking days are numbered; I have almost complete atrophy of my quadriceps. I also have spasticity in my legs, and chronic pain along with a loss of sensation from the chest down. I am a "walking paraplegic." (Yes, there is such a thing- just ask my insurance company!)

I started a Disabled Men's Issues Group in our city, and continue to run it to this time (with a co-facilitator), and I have contact with multiple disabled persons through that effort. As a consequence of my disability I have found inner strengths that I do not honestly believe I would otherwise have seen. Thus, I use those lessons to try to help others.

One of the things that is a general truism about the disabled is that we prefer, as much as is possible, to be treated just as would anybody else. So, in your case, Beverly, instead of spoiling Chris, you would have been doing better service to him by treating him as you would have were he not disabled. And, that is when you began to discipline him, instead of spoiling him. (And this was being done only to assuage your guilt for his being disabled. But, it was not, in any way the fault of you as parents that he was disdabled! It was simply Divine Will!) You were brave and wise to finally discipline Chris, Beverly! I assume that you began with hand spankings, although you do not state this. At what age did you start using the paddle? I am about to start using one her with my older children. (I should state that my oldest son Levi, 11, has not needed more than a grounding for a day or so for more than a year. He is brought to tears with a sideways glance from me, and spanking would, in many cases, be overkill.)

I have used a belt on my sons on a few occasions, and also found it to be highly effective. You also did not state what position that you use to spank Chris, but it does not really matter for what I will tell you about what we do in our family. My wife (too busy to post here, given the new baby and the rest of the children) has the boys wear either briefs (they all still wear those, as our oldest is just 11) or thin pajama bottoms when she must spank those who are over 10 years-old.

I think that we must always bear in mind the ultimate purpose of punishment. It is to extinguish the negative behaviors and NOT to embarrass. When a boy is past puberty, as Chris presumably is, it is embarrassing for him to be exposing his "private zone" to his Mom. Thus, he complains. In my opinion, his complaint is legitimate. Have you discussed this with your husband? What are his thoughts? I do not believe that the thin pajama bottoms or briefs, or even boxers will cushion a paddle or a belt to any large extent, Beverly. I am sure at this point that you do not need to see a red bottom to know when you have spanked "enough." I do hope, and urge that you discuss this issue with your husband, and give serious consideration to allowing Chris to have a thin covering if you are giving a spanking. If your husband is spanking, however, it must be understood by your husband and your son that "bare bottom" WILL be the method.

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[> [> Subject: Re: Background


Author:
Beverly
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Date Posted: 13:03:04 09/27/12 Thu

Bob, it sounds like you have done a remarkable job living with your disabilities and helping others. I pray you will continue to live a full and active life.

With Chris, I think one reason we have become "stricter" over the last few years is that we want him to grow up to be a responsible and independent person. We know he's going to face a lot of challenges, but we hope we're teaching him to work hard and reach his goals. The cerebral palsy affects his motor skills. His walking and coordination are affected. He takes physical therapy and occupational therapy to work on skills like feeding and dressing himself. I have to brag on him a little bit... since he was mainstreamed into regular classes two years ago, Chris has been on the B-honor roll at school. He's a very smart boy but his physical limitations work against him. I imagine you can relate to that.

You're correct that we started with hand spankings when Chris was 8. We switched to the paddle when he turned 13. That's actually when he started complaining about being spanked bare-bottom. I think he believes the paddle will hurt less over shorts or underwear. I don't think he's embarrassed. I help him dress in the morning and assist with his bath and shower. He's not shy when I have to undress him for a bath. In fact, we have frequent arguments because he wants me to help him and I think he should be doing more for himself.

But, as you said, now that Chris is past puberty it's probably time to let him start wearing briefs or shorts, especially when I spank him over the knee. My husband and I are still discussing it. He thinks it's time too, so I'm going to try paddling over underwear next time.

Thanks for all your input, Bob. I'm not on the computer much but I'll let you know how it goes with Chris and look forward to chatting again.

Bev

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[> Subject: Re: Background


Author:
Pat to Beverly
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Date Posted: 15:50:47 09/27/12 Thu

Beverly,

I think it would be fine to let Chris keep his undies or a thin pair of pajamas, especially if you are using a paddle or belt. The thin layer of cloth will offer little protection but will greatly help his feeling that his modesty is preserved.

If you like, tell Chris it is a trade off. If he gets it bare then he only gets x licks. If selects undies or pj's then it is x+y licks. I would only add about 2 licks if you choose this option because, like I said, there is not much difference.

My wife spanks our boys over boxers or thin pajamas and it works well.

-Pat

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[> [> Subject: Re: Background


Author:
Beverly to Pat
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Date Posted: 11:15:24 10/01/12 Mon

Thanks, Pat. I think the trade-off is an excellent idea. My husband and I both think this is a good idea, and I'm going to try it. Thanks again!

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