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Date Posted: 04:50:04 09/27/12 Thu
I am not a Mom, but I am a disabled person, and I understand the reluctance that you had to treat your son as you would have traeted a non-disabled person. I became disabled at the age of 21, through a motor vehicle accident at 35 miles per hour initially, and a spinal cord disease that befell me one month later. I also had bone chips that severely compressed the spinal cord at the thoracic ("chest" level); these were suspected one month after the auto accident, but for unknown reasons (also known as "Bob's luck") they were not seen on the first myelogram. They were reluctant to repeat the myelogram, as I was allergic to the dye. Finally, three years later, the cord compression was detected and I had surgery but it was too late to do any good- the damage done to the spinal cord was permanent. I do walk although I initially required canes, then forearm crutches, now a walker. And, I have been told my walking days are numbered; I have almost complete atrophy of my quadriceps. I also have spasticity in my legs, and chronic pain along with a loss of sensation from the chest down. I am a "walking paraplegic." (Yes, there is such a thing- just ask my insurance company!)
I started a Disabled Men's Issues Group in our city, and continue to run it to this time (with a co-facilitator), and I have contact with multiple disabled persons through that effort. As a consequence of my disability I have found inner strengths that I do not honestly believe I would otherwise have seen. Thus, I use those lessons to try to help others.
One of the things that is a general truism about the disabled is that we prefer, as much as is possible, to be treated just as would anybody else. So, in your case, Beverly, instead of spoiling Chris, you would have been doing better service to him by treating him as you would have were he not disabled. And, that is when you began to discipline him, instead of spoiling him. (And this was being done only to assuage your guilt for his being disabled. But, it was not, in any way the fault of you as parents that he was disdabled! It was simply Divine Will!) You were brave and wise to finally discipline Chris, Beverly! I assume that you began with hand spankings, although you do not state this. At what age did you start using the paddle? I am about to start using one her with my older children. (I should state that my oldest son Levi, 11, has not needed more than a grounding for a day or so for more than a year. He is brought to tears with a sideways glance from me, and spanking would, in many cases, be overkill.)
I have used a belt on my sons on a few occasions, and also found it to be highly effective. You also did not state what position that you use to spank Chris, but it does not really matter for what I will tell you about what we do in our family. My wife (too busy to post here, given the new baby and the rest of the children) has the boys wear either briefs (they all still wear those, as our oldest is just 11) or thin pajama bottoms when she must spank those who are over 10 years-old.
I think that we must always bear in mind the ultimate purpose of punishment. It is to extinguish the negative behaviors and NOT to embarrass. When a boy is past puberty, as Chris presumably is, it is embarrassing for him to be exposing his "private zone" to his Mom. Thus, he complains. In my opinion, his complaint is legitimate. Have you discussed this with your husband? What are his thoughts? I do not believe that the thin pajama bottoms or briefs, or even boxers will cushion a paddle or a belt to any large extent, Beverly. I am sure at this point that you do not need to see a red bottom to know when you have spanked "enough." I do hope, and urge that you discuss this issue with your husband, and give serious consideration to allowing Chris to have a thin covering if you are giving a spanking. If your husband is spanking, however, it must be understood by your husband and your son that "bare bottom" WILL be the method.
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