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Date Posted: 13:11:50 10/14/99 Thu
Author: "Smutman" Jack Leer
Subject: Behind Closed Doors
(Leer Publishing head offices. Reno, Nevada)
(Sitting behind his desk, smoking a cigarette and looking at the Halloween pre-press issue of "Trailer Parkin'," is Jack Leer. Dressed casually in blue jeans and a worn ZZ-Top t-shirt, his sunglasses reflecting sunlight from outside his Reno office window. A flashing neon motel sign outside bathes the office in a light red hue, light refracting off the tobacco smoke being blown about by an old fan. He nods and smiles in satisfaction as he turns the pages, flicking cigarette ash into an empty beer can on his desk.)
(The office door opens and in strides Ki Ki, Jack's secretary, her ass swaying rhythmically. Attired in an incredibly tight fitting hot-pink babydoll shirt that reads "Backseat Beauty" across her luscious chest, a well worn pair of jeans that look like she must have been poured into them, and a pair of very strappy stiletto heels, Ki Ki is the kind of secretary that would make work impossible for most men. She holds an envelope up for Jack to see, a small smile dancing on her crimson lips.)
Ki Ki: Jack, that priority mail from the TToSWF just arrived.
Jack Leer (Looking up and smiling): Great, my letter of acceptance. That President Vengeance is a punctual man, I like that in a wrestling promoter.
Ki Ki (Smiling and handing Jack the envelope): Back to the all-star wrestling circuit, eh Jack? Who's in for it this time?
Jack Leer (Opening his envelope with a jack knife): Some Spanish wrestler, burned the flag. You know, the usual.
Ki Ki (Leaning her arms on Jack's desk and leaning forward): How long do you think this one's going to last?
Jack Leer: Well, it's pretty much the same deal as the last place. Crooked president is a competitor, so we've got most of the guys scared to cross him, and of course he's helping out his pals, holding the champion's dick while he pisses. Pretty much par for the course. I say it should take me a few weeks to get to the number one competetor's spot and then Vengeance will shut the federation down so his buddies won't have to look so sad when they can't compete.
Ki Ki: But by that time you will have put a hurting on that Spaniard he'll never forget.
Jack Leer (Grinning and unfolding the letter): Exactly.
Ki Ki: So I hear Lola is still the White Trash Wet T-Shirt Champion at the Crazy Train.
Jack Leer: Yea, I was hoping Gretchen was going to take it this year, but Jimmy got her so drunk she fell off the stage.
Ki Ki (Laughing): I would have liked to see that! So did Gretchen put out for Jimmy's birthday?
Jack Leer (Flashing a smile): Hell no. She got so sick I sent her home with Sid.
Ki KI (With a laugh): I bet she puked in that '68 Charger he bought on that trip to Texas you boys had last month.
Jack Leer (Laughing): Ah, Sid won't mind. Gretchen's a pretty girl. Speaking of pretty girls, you look damn good in that shirt. What do you say we stop off at Rusty's after work for a drink?
Ki Ki (Eyes sparkling, a sly grin on her face): Just me and the boss, huh?
Jack Leer (Leaning forward): I thought we could talk shop.
Ki Ki (Flashing a grin): If you mean you thought we could talk about me getting a raise, I'd love to go.
Jack Leer (Shaking his head and laughing): Get out of my office. Don't you have some pencils to sharpen or something?
Ki Ki (Walking towards the door): Wouldn't you like to know!
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