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Date Posted: 18:01:53 10/14/99 Thu
Author: The Slinger
Subject: No-Mad-er, This is Your Captain Speaking
** THE SCENE – A Boing 747 aircraft compartment. It is filled with people, all belted in their seats, awaiting takeoff. The intercom crackles to life…….
Voice on Intercom – Well, good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to flight 101999, on TTSWF airlines. My name is The Slinger, and I’ll be your captain on this ass-kickin’. We’ll be taking off of runway Straight to Hell shorty, and climbing quickly up the learning curve, and cruising at an altitude of intense pain, for as long as it takes you to be quickly destroyed, which shouldn’t be too long at all.
Suddenly, the cockpit door bursts open, and The Slinger walks through, squeezing and ducking to get through the small doorway. He takes a few more steps, and stops, smirking and looking into the camera, trademark hat and cigarillo in place.
The Slinger – Well, well, well Nomad, it looks like you get your chance after all. Unfortunately for you, you are gonna be the messenger that I am going to use to send a very clear signal to all of my fellow wrestling buddies, and believe me sparky, I WILL shoot the messenger. I do, however, have a problem with it being a sewer match. First of all, you’ll be on your home turf. I can overlook that though, because I have a much bigger problem then that. If we’re down there, fighting in the sewer, how the hell am I supposed to be able to tell you from all of the other turds? In fact, I think that you’ll probably splatter more then the rest of the crap down there.
The Slinger reaches over and takes a small bag of peanuts from one of the passengers, opens it, and begins to eat them as he speaks.
The Slinger – I actually feel sorry for you, Gonad, I really do. Of course, a lot more people will be pitying you after Tuesday night, but that’s beside the point. I don’t know what you expect to accomplish. In order for me to really apply myself to this though, I need the pot to be sweetened a little. I mean, if I’m gonna get dirty, what’s the payout? Beating you up is not exactly a big deal for me, as destroy people ten times the man that you could ever be, in my sleep. So, here is my proposal: I want a belt on the line. I don’t really care which one, but I want a belt for my troubles. Secondly, the only way to win this match is to climb the ladder out through the manhole, and place the cover back on the hole.
The Slinger – So President Vengeance, commish, or whoever has the jurisdiction on this, I want a belt, so winner of the sewer match, I.E. me, takes home gold. Deal?
The Slinger begins to walk towards the cockpit again, and turns around and gives his trademark smirk to the camera.
The Slinger – Oh yeah, No-Man, I just though of another advantage you’re gonna have over me in the sewer match – after spending that much time in the sewer, it should be a big improvement over your usual body odor. So after your ass is soundly kicked, do the TTSWF a favor
The Slinger goes back into the cockpit and closes the door behind him.
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