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Date Posted: 21:07:07 10/16/99 Sat
Author: "Smutman" Jack Leer
Subject: Dirty California Afternoon
(Fresno, CA)
(A squeaking sign blows in the afternoon breeze. "Trailer Town" is painted meticulously on the plywood board, the lettering showing a craftsman with far too much time on his hands. A black T-top Camaro Z28 pulls into the dirt driveway with a bump. A crumpled Blatz can bouncing off the plywood sign's face as the Camaro drives past, kicking up a cloud of dirt.)
(On the immediate left sits a re-modeled Spartanette trailer looking like a giant twinkie dipped in aluminum, sitting under a pathetic shade tree with a bird feeder blowing in the wind. Jack Leer parks the car just out of range of the pit bull's leash and kills the engine.)
(Swaggering up to the screen door on the side of the trailer home, ignoring the angry barks and the distraught animal straining at it's chain to get at him, Jack Leer raps his knuckles on the doorframe.)
Jack Leer (Squinting through the screen): Hey Steve, you in there?
(A blond haired man with no shirt on rounds the backside of the trailer, his skin cracked and leathery from too much sun.)
Steve (Throwing a rock at the dog): Shut the hell up, damn dog. Hey Jack, I'm 'round back, working on the Corvair.
Jack Leer (Smiling and nodding): You still don't have that thing going?
Steve: Damn carb was all gummed up, but soon as I get a new front axle I should have it back on the road.
Jack Leer (Laughing and rounding the trailer): Same old Stevie. So what's so important you drag me down here for?
Steve: Jack, have I got a surprise for you! But later for that, you need a beer?
Jack Leer: In this heat, what do you think?
(The "backyard" is sprawling with rusted and twisted automobiles, most up on blocks. Steve gives Jack Leer the grand tour, showing off his AMX's, Mustangs, Toronados, Sunliners, and Chargers, all looking like Steve had paid less than fifty bucks for each. An old Cadillac's trunk Steve proudly shows doubles as a tool shed.)
Steve (Taking a drink from a Miller High Life bottle): Seen you on that wrestlin' show, Jack. Looks like the "Smutman's" back, huh?
Jack Leer: Yea, some idiot conquistador thinks he's going to burn the flag, I'm going to send him back to his country in traction. But in the meantime I've got my first match on Tuesday against this Ric Anderson.
Steve: "Golden Child?"
Jack Leer (Laughing): More like "Golden Shower." He likes gold so much, I should send him a copy of that "Wet an' Wild" issue of "White Trash Flash," give him something to read in the hospital after our match.
Steve (With a laugh): I'm sure he would love that!
Jack Leer (Popping the top of his beer on the door knob of a Buick): He's been riding around in that limo so long he doesn't remember when he used to get his lunch money taken from him and his glasses broken, but he's about to get a reminder of what it was like feeling helpless and scared when he gets in the ring with me. The days of him paying off opponents is over, "Golden Boy" will probably wet his shorts when he realizes I expect him to fight like a man. I'm looking forward to it, taking it to spoiled brats like Anderson is what the "Smutman" does best.
Steve: What about that Paul Bunyan? He's huge, and he's got arms like a body builder's legs.
Jack Leer: He's big alright, but I don't think he's so tough. I notice how everyone in the TTSWF is bedding down with each other now that Jack Leer's around. That's no sign of strength, but weakness, although it is fun watching them run scared like that. Lumberjack's just joined President Vengeance's Team Corporate ...
Steve (Excited): Hey that reminds me, that surprise I got for you! Sixth trailer on the left hand side, the one with the plastic flamingos out front, Milt and Norma's daughter just turned legal last week. Think you'll want to check her out, Jack.
Jack Leer (Smiling): Always looking out for your buddy Jack, aren't you Steve?
Steve (Smiling and holding up his beer): I do my best, Jack. I do my best.
(Jack Leer walks down the dirt drive, his snakeskin cowboy boots kicking up dust in the afternoon breeze. At the sixth trailer he stops and looks at the plastic flamingos scattered around the yard, trying to make it look homey. He reads a sign hanging in front of the trailer and lets out a laugh. Dropping a cigarette and crushing it under his heel he walks up the brick walkway to the trailer's front door.)
(The camera twists around revealing the sign, swinging in the southern California wind. It reads "Milt and Norma Vengeance.")
(Fade out)
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