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Date Posted: 18:45:47 10/27/99 Wed
Author: "Smutman" Jack Leer
Subject: Going Postal
(Reno, Nevada)
(The glass doors of a downtown Reno post office swing open, Jack Leer's snakeskin cowboy boots clicking through the hollow marble halls. In his hand he carries a paper grocery bag, a Safeway logo printed in red on the khaki colored paper. Wearing his favorite pair of blue jeans, a small hole worn through in the right knee, white strands of fabric bouncing with his every step, a tight fitting white t-shirt with a faded Kiss iron-on over his chest, a whisper of blood running from the corner of Gene Simmons' mouth.)
(Swaggering past the saftey deposit boxes, Jack Leer nods to a business woman checking her mail, a thoughtful smile on his lips. Stepping around the velvet rope and joining the end of the line, Jack Leer reaches into his pocket for a cigarette. He shakes a Marlboro from the pack and rolls in between his fingers absentmindedly. An overweight man in a Godzilla t-shirt in line in front of him scartches his son's sandy brown hair.)
(The boy watches Jack Leer with big eyes. Pulling on his father's shirt, the young boy points at Jack Leer with a grubby finger.)
Boy (Trying to be discreet, but failing miserably): Dad, dad! That's "Smuckman!" That's "Smuckman!"
Father (Turning his head slightly): Shhh, Zack. That's not "Smuckman." Now keep quiet.
Zack (Insistantly): No daddy, it is, it's "Smuckman." (To Jack Leer) Do you know Jake Cavalry, "Smuckman?"
Jack Leer (Smiling): Can't say I do, partner. I hear he's got something wrong with his knee, doing physical therapy these days.
(The boy's father turns around with a suprised look on his face.)
Father (Holding out his hand): You really are "Smuckman!" Uh...pleased to meet you, I'm AJ.
Jack Leer (Shaking his hand): That's "Smutman," but you can call me Jack. Pleased to meet you, AJ, and what the little man's name?
Zack: I'm Zack. I seen you beat up Sean Stevens yesserday. Do you know Sting?
Jack Leer: Who?
AJ (Excited): Hey, Zack and I never met a wrestler before, this is great!
Jack Leer: No big deal, really. I see them all the time, nothing to get worked up about.
AJ: You've got a big tournament match or something coming up, right?
Jack Leer: Yea, friday. Don't know much about my opponent though, he's been pretty quiet since I joined.
Zack: Hey, hey "Smuckman!" Do you want to come over and wrestle with me and my friends sometime?
Jack Leer (Laughing): You think you got what it takes?
Zack (Eagerly): Yeah! I'll be Jake Calvalry!
AJ (Trying to calm down his son): Uh, well Zack, I'm sure "Smuck"-- I mean, Jack, is probably a pretty busy man, but I bet we could get his autograph instead.
Jack Leer (Smiling): Why not?
(Jack Leer signs his autograph on the backside of an envelope and gives it to the excitable boy, punctuating it with a fatherly knock to the jaw. The boy squeals in glee and grabs Jack's leg with a growl.)
(Walking up to the post office counter with the struggling boy still attached, and a concerned father keeping an eye out, Jack Leer nods at the postman and places his paper bag on the counter top.)
Jack Leer: I need to mail something first class, and I'm going to need a box ...
(Opening up the paper bag, Jack Leer flashes he teeth in a wicked smile as he pulls out a large ziplock bag with a Spanish flag inside.)
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