| Subject: the problem is |
Author:
banky
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Date Posted: 23:22:49 10/29/01 Mon
The thing is that when someone loves you, you own them.
I hate that.
I hate people loving me.
I hate knowing that I can just crush their feelings.
I hate the fact that I can just not love them back,
and that would tear them apart.
No one will ever again love me.
I will not let that happen.
I hate hurting people.
I hate hurting anyone.
I don't feel sad about it.
I just hate it.
I'm not depressed about it.
I just hate it.
She would ask me why I am the way I am.
Why I don't show my feelings, my emotions.
I really don't know why I'm a jerk.
Not just to her, but to a lot of people.
I hate being a jerk, but I can't change.
Basically I'm just getting this off my chest.
Just one of the many stories of my 21 year long life.
I couldn't care less for anyone.
I don't like my friends. I don't like hanging out with them.
I do anyway, but I'm getting really scared.
I feel like dying. Not kill myself, but you know, just die.
Wouldn't bother me one bit. I'm happy and all, but there is nothing really worth living for.
I mean, staying up late? Video games? Comon! It's pathetic.
I like music. Maybe if I just live by myself and listen to music the rest of my life, it would be just fine.
I take a look at all the stupid stuff that goes on in peoples lives and I just think how the majority of people in the world are just idiots. They worry about way too much stuff.
I congratulate you if you've made it this far.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate anyone, I just feel like most people get all worked up for nothing. They get all upset over these worldly things.
I do not.
I don't think I will ever find anyone like me.
I'm just going to enjoy the time I have. I'm not going to worry about who said what or who did what or who did who if that be the case.
Like they say, you're going to die anyway. Enjoy it.
I have loved once before. But I found out you have to change when you love someone. This two become one thing just won't work with me.
I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. But I really really doubt that I'll ever find that one person. I'm not really going to try either, girls are over-rated.
I mean that in the best possible way. I mean, I love girls. Just too complex most of them are. Yoda moment.
She told me I'm too complicated, but I think I'm just too simple.
I am going to have a crazy life ahead of me. I hope I like it.
I hope you like yours too.
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