Grey Day again! -- weekly rants and raves

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Subject: Grey Day again!

Author:
aleXX

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Date Posted: 19:31:55 05/22/02 Wed
Author Host/IP: 41.norcross-03rh15rt.ga.dial-access.att.net/12.92.204.41
In reply to: aleXX 's message, "Wednesday May 22, Late at night" on 19:04:49 05/22/02 Wed

my beautiful jeNN

I woke up in a strange mood. Rather depressed and quite angry. I didn't want to go to therapy today. I didn't want to talk. I chatted with you and got to feeling a lot better. I'd like to call you in the morning if that's OK? I want to hear you voice. I feel so bad for the way i signed off this morning,..."see ya", what the hell was i thinking? I could've done better than that! It bothered me all day.

All the way to therapy i didn't know what to say. I have been so locked up, hidden inside my little fortress. It's hard to let things out when i'm like this. I guess i'd talk about my being so locked up and i did. This session went rather well, i think. I talked about my inability to walk out. My protection of you. She feels i need to get away. She's vso very UN-judgemental. You know, leaving my wife for another girl sort of thing...she really doesn't give that any thought. and on and on...I left feeling much better but the ride home brought me back down. I checked apartment prices online today and left them in the history. I checked motel prices for the emergency night when i actually leave. The rates are pretty good i found. I can afford this as well as still being able to save some money for the future. We did go by Kmart and i finally bought some pants that'd fit me, YEAH!!! All my old ones were falling off me & my belts won't go that tight anymore. See what you did to me! I also got some cool shoes too. I think i look a little more hip now. I'm ready to go with you on Sunday if you want, I'll look the part.

So, did you hear any news about me from R's sis? How good I am at tutoring math? What an asshole i can be? How unreasonable i am? whatever? How are things on your end? I've been worrying about you all day. I'm a bit hopefull cause you said you were working on something (for me - I can't wait)! How'd the kids like the first day of summer? How'd you like it? :) Were you able to work? Did you have some good quality time alone with them?

I've been trying to write today and it's coming, although not as fast as i'd like. Mainly i listen to CDs and think of you. I saw some 4-wheelers go by the house earlier and i remember what you said...and i thought when are we gonna go for a ride on one? It would be fun. I can't wait. Have you listened to the CDs yet? I'm still working on a big surprise for you when i actually leave here. There's gonna be a gift for you and you have to promise to wear it. You said you liked it. Well, that's enough hints, you'll just have to wait for this one.

Well, enough rambling...It's time to put you to bed. Put on your night clothes...get in the bed...tuck you in and layer you in blankets although its not as cold tonight...Kiss your cheek and hold you tight to me until you drift off...I LOVE YOU jeNN-GRRL,...have wonderful dreams for me...
...goo night...

I MISS YOU SO FU#*@NG MUCH!!!! I LOVE YOU - ALWAYS!!!

aleXX

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Wednesday May 22, Late at night	JeNNN	04:57:35 05/23/02 Thu