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>OMG! OMG! OMG! It just keeps on getting better and >better. Brian and I went hiking again for the first >time since his disastrous heat stroke last summer. 1) >because it was finally December, the month my dad set >as the earliest we could go so the weather wouldn't >cook us again; 2) because the weather was perfect, or >maybe a little too cool, we had to start out with >hoodies; and 3) It's Christmas vacation from school. >However, both of us were out of shape because we had >sat on our butts for the last 4 months. Towards the >end there we were cautiously eyeing each other neither >wanting to admit that he was getting pooped, but >finally I started tripping over pebbles because I >couldn't lift my feet anymore and I had to admit that >I had had it and we had to start home. Brian then >admitted that he, too, wanted to call it a day so we >made it back home 3 hours early. > >When I came in the back door and announced to my mom >that I was back she did her mom thing and wanted to >know why I was back so early, did we get sick again? >Are all mothers paranoid, or just mine? Anyway, that >ticked me off just enough to loose a shot and I told >her "No, we were just pooped because we hadn't been on >the mountain since summer because you forbid us to >exercise..." She cut me off and visions of sugar >lexans danced in my head (it being almost the night >before Christmas, don't you know?), for fear that, >forum remonstrance notwithstanding, I had mocked my >mother (to her face no less!), but no, she had more >important things on her mind. "Good," she said, >"change your clothes and you can take me to the store. > Wiki wiki". > >"What store?" you might ask. Women's wear. Lingerie >department to be exact. And why in God's name is ><i>that</i> an emergency requiring a wiki wiki? Well, >it seems that our clothes washer that morning had the >temerity to decide on shredded brassiere for lunch and >had eaten two of them in the same load. Mom had >forgotten to select the "gentle wash" cycle and now >for the first time since the end of the cold war she >was worried about fallout and needed to come up with >two replacement shelters "wiki wiki". And why is this ><i>my</i> problem since it obviously has nothing to do >with anything concerning anyone named Gerald? Here's >where it gets really good: She wanted me to drive >because she's gun shy about driving since she got her >ticket. Thank you Lucas and Danylo for providing the >incentive to keep a zippered lip on the comeback that >I so wanted to come out my mouth at that. Something >to the effect "So, you have grounded yourself and >taken away your car keys for the nonce?" The person >grounded probably wouldn't be the person that got >spanked if I had slipped down that slippery slope! > >So, I drove her to the store in storied silence. I >stayed in the car while she did her shopping because >women's lingerie is not at the top of my Christmas >shopping list this year. That and the fact that I >didn't want to chance any girl from my school spotting >me in there and getting the wrong idea. Ahem. So I >waited in the car practicing my keeping silent >routine. Murphy the lawgiver missed a good one this >time; he could have arranged it that bras were this >year's Christmas fad and the store was all out! But I >guess that bras-under-the-tree was a stretch even for >Murphy. Mom made her purchase, I drove her home, and >rushed in here to write this because I just had to >tell <i>someone!</i> > >-Jerry
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