Re: Cooperation -- Christian Family Discipline

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Subject: Re: Cooperation

Author:
Alfred22

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Date Posted: 16:01:47 10/11/23 Wed
In reply to: Emily 's message, "Cooperation" on 16:53:23 10/01/23 Sun

This is a very important topic and I hope everyone weighs in on it.

I joined the neighborhood Methodist church at 11 and a series of pastors passed through on their way to larger congregation churches. Each had a story about spanking implements. In particular, they emphasized that we kids were lucky to avoid the ones they had felt: peach tree switches and doses of "strop oil," but little was said about cooperation. Maybe somehow they felt that cooperation was just understood as a given.

It was only as an adult that I fully understood that tanning a hide did not refer to a color and that strop oil was not drunk like castor oil but referred to an application of the "strap" by contact with a naughty bottom. So, I would urge moms and dads to be sure that any spanking promises are clear and not vague.

The sermons that mentioned the pastors own experience never really addressed cooperation. I came to believe that cooperation was not my duty or God's command but only something that I had better do or I would get more spanks. I was never told about spanking as a loving parental act. My whole attitude toward spanking was centered around what I could promise to get one to end. That I was loved and needed to change or to develop weren't a part of it, beyond knowing what I had done to earn it. Of course, in my childish mind I had a justification for whatever that was.

I am not proposing my childhood as a positive example. I think that what was missing were the positive elements. For the idea of cooperating to make sense, the positive elements need to be stressed as does the love and the learning. I never felt the benefits; I was never reminded of my improvements, and basically I loathed the whole institution of adult authority. I was not evil but I wasn't very happy.

My advice would be to take what kids say during their spanking seriously. In particular, take the request to stop as worthy of an answer, rather than just an incentive to spank harder. I accept that to work, spankings have to have effects that are felt afterwards. But panic cries for it to end should merit a pause and at least an estimate of how much more is to come and a reminder of the duty to cooperate with what you earned.

>How well do your children cooperate when it’s time
>for a spanking? My daughter used to be a yeller but
>the last couple years she does a very good job with
>cooperation. She stands up after our talk and will
>bare her bottom and allow me to put her over my lap
>without a fight. She takes the spanking well with
>minimal struggle for her age. Getting the belt was a
>different story but if the belt happens again I will
>change things up so it's easier for her.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Cooperation	Emily	10:57:02 10/17/23 Tue