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Date Posted: 12:19:22 10/30/03 Thu
Author: The trouble with Tribbles
Subject: Re: palomar13 love death but only in a haloween gig style at the jug on 1st nov
In reply to: satan the observationatialist comedian 's message, "palomar13 love death but only in a haloween gig style at the jug on 1st nov" on 20:51:36 10/29/03 Wed

No way mate, what happens if the worse star trek episode comes on? If I miss that I'll kill myself oh the pain

Kirk and Spock are testing Chekov's knowledge while the Enterprise is enroute to space station number K-7. The station is near Sherman's planet, a disputed world that both the Federation and Klingon Empire are attempting to develop (the winner gets the planet). The impromptu quiz is interrupted by a Priority One distress call from K-7. The ship instantly goes to battle stations and full speed. The crew expects to find the base under Klingon attack, but, when the Enterprise arrives, nothing is wrong. Kirk beams over to chew some butt.

The only problem (so far) aboard K-7 is the presence of Mr. Baris and his toad. The Undersecretary is worried that someone will do something to the hoard of Quadro-Triticale. For those who do not know about Quadro-Triticale, the impressive sounding stuff is a hardy, blue-colored wheat. The misuse of a Federation distress call leaves Kirk a little upset. He insults Mr. Baris at every opportunity and makes a point of ridiculing the agricultural official. Despite the hostile atmosphere, Spock refuses to appear anything besides absently amused. Of course, that is normal for the Vulcan.

A positive aspect of the wheat protection mission is that members of the Enterprise's crew can visit the space station for shore leave. Uhura is in the bar when she witnesses the owner and Cyrano haggling over tribbles. The seedy trader magnanimously bequeths a round cat upon Uhura. She immediately falls in love with the creature.

Other members of the ship's crew do no fare as well on their liberty. The main problem is Klingons. Yes, Klingons! For some reason the Federation government agreed to let Klingon ships use K-7 for shore leave. As a result, several rowdy Klingons goad Mr. Scott into starting a fight in the bar. The chief engineer was doing fine, he even prevented Chekov from throwing a punch, then the Klingon threw a low blow by insulting the Enterprise. Instigators can say anything they want about the Captain, but speak poorly of Scotty's beloved maiden and he will knock your block off.

By the way, it turns out that an angry Scotsman is more man than a Klingon can handle.

Aboard the Enterprise, Kirk is becoming steadily more annoyed with the tribbles. The furry horrors breed - a lot. McCoy conducts some experiments and discovers that the creatures are born pregnant and reproduce at a fantastic rate. Soon the ship's bridge is awash in purring furballs. Heck, the tribbles even find their way inside of the food processing machines! (They are also seen stuck to the walls.) I cannot figure out why someone, like Kirk or a Klingon, does not commit RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST TRIBBLES! Especially since the tribbles hate Klingons. (Plot point! Everyone look at the plot point!)

The tribbles do become a major problem when they invade the storage compartments that contain the Quadro-Triticale. Spock is the first to deduce that this may have happened, but the Captain is wise enough to open an overhead bin. The mewing shower of chubby tribbles buries Kirk! Then, to add insult to (ego) injury, an offscreen stagehand pelts Shatner with furballs while he argues with Baris. Spock observes that a number of the tribbles are dead and Bones, in usual fashion, scans them before uttering his signature line.

What killed the poor tribbles? The grain was infected by a virus that inhibits the digestive system! Who did it? Why, it must be a Klingon! Not any ordinary warrior, because Kirk had security watching them. The perpetrator is a Klingon spy and only a significant plot point could ever expose him. Following that resolution, the primary effort turns to ridding the Enterprise of tribbles.

I would like to point out that tragedy was averted by the tribble control measures. What if the Enterprise had run out of food? Would the tribbles have developed a taste for living human flesh? "Captain's Log: *PAUSE* The rest of my crew is dead *PAUSE* and my phaser is empty. *PAUSE* I can hear them chewing *PAUSE* through the door. *PAUSE* Oh, God! NOOOOO!" (The sounds of mewing and fabric ripping, then silence.)

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