| Subject: Diary Of A Mad Writer |
Author:
Yolanda
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Date Posted: 07:00:48 05/29/01 Tue
Watching my husband slip into a deep peaceful slumber. I think back at the place I was a few years ago. I was a jet setting free sprite, bouncing around the globe like my pants were on fire. Going from art gallery opening to making a Grateful dead concert in two different countries, within a 48-hour time span. The life of a jet-setting writer is truly an event, even if you’re just standing along the sidelines watching.
Which brings me up to date. My wonderful and intelligent husband, suggest we have children. “Honey, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a couple of kids?” I looked up at him from my typewriter (yes I am that old) and asked “WHY!!!! Why can’t we have cats, like our friends?” He walked over to me and kissed me softly, wrapping his arms around me. “We hate cats, remember? Besides it would be great to share our lives with a little one.” I looked into his blue eyes, thinking why not. I got time. Get a few kids in between books, sure why not. (Warning; if any man ever says these words to you, run, don’t walk. Move as quickly as you can to the nearest exit and don’t look back.)
His breath was soft and sweet. To sleep in such peaceful harmony was truly a blessing that no new mom can identify. Having been up for three weeks with a new baby, fatigue and exhaustion had finally settles in.
I sat there watching Johnny Carson, with a bowl of MMs’ (hey, it’s the new mom feel good food at three in the morning, just don’t eat them while changing poopy, something I found out early in the game. Don’t ask how. Just be happy it wasn’t you.)
I was thinking of the words he had said right before he fell asleep. “Honey, you look so tired. Maybe you should start to workout more. You know, you used to love to workout. It’ll do you good, you can pack the baby (three weeks old) and go workout.”
He actually said this with a straight face.
Not waiting for my answer he fell asleep. I looked at him hard (feeling that little evil that in time would just take over me.) My nostrils flared, I could feel my temper rising. Wanting to wrap my hands around my beloved husband I got a grip on myself and let the feeling pass.
Throwing another MM into my mouth I took a look at the bowel in front of me. Mmmmmmm, MMwith peanuts. Looked at my husband, looked at the MMs. I wonder how many of these MMs I can fit into his nose before he wakes up??? Well, let start with the yellow ones, shall we??? I inserted a smaller one (I thought I start slow.) Very carefully the first one was placed inside his nose. HAHAH, man!! He didn’t even twitch!!! The second MM was a little tricky but it was a red one, (those were always questionable, it was that red dye thing) A little push is all it took.
I watched him sleeping with two MM with peanuts stuck in his nose. Got to get a picture of this!!! So I got my quietly got my camera out and climbed back in bed. Good color film, the red and yellow MMs should come out good. I snapped the camera; not realizing the Flash would wake him up. “What the hell!!” I quickly threw the camera over to the side, and hide under the covers, pretending to be asleep. He sat up quickly. “How the fuck did this!!!” Pretending to be suddenly awakened. Rubbing my eyes. “ What, what’s wrong now??” I found him sitting up trying to get the MMs out of his nose. The poor man looked confused and panicky stricken. “How the hell did this happen?” I sat up looked at him and said. “Are you eating in bed again? You know you really ought to be careful about eating in bed. It’s not good for you.” I rolled over, pulled the covers over my head and started giggling.
Footnote: It took him a while to get those MMs out of his nose. The people at the emergency room looked at him like he was a nut. When the doctored asked me how he got those MMs into his nose all I could say was, “ Maybe gravity just took a vacation.”
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