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Subject: my best friend broke up with me

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Date Posted: 10:13:08 08/09/03 Sat

Two weeks ago my boyfriend of nearly 4 years broke up with me. The hardest thing for me to understand is why. I've asked him a few times since the break up and he keeps telling me he doesn't know why either. I know I did nothing wrong, but how can I help from feeling that it was something I did. I replay things over and over in my mind and think of what I should have done differently, but still can't understand it. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone but him about it. But everytime I talk to him he tells me he thinks it's doing more harm than good by talking. He tells me that I he wishes I would hate him for hurting me so bad, but I can't bring myself to hate him because I still love him so deeply. Before the break up he told me that he didn't think I knew who I was and that I needed to find myself and what makes me happy. I thought I was happy! And I know a huge part of my was so happy and in love with him. I ultimately want the two of us to be happy. We both don't want to lose eachother as friends, because we honestly were best friends. I'm starting to doubt that we can be friends, but I guess only time will tell. I feel like time is my worst enemy right now, but he says that time will help heal things. I have trouble thinking so long term. Even a few months seems like an eternity without him in my life. The night we broke up he said that "we should take a break" and I understood it as a short-term break to each do our own thing and come back to eachother. But now I feel like he has torn every bit of hope I once had of getting back together right out of me. I also feel like he is trying to push me away by acting like he isn't hurting as much as me.
He's been through this before, but this is my first long relationship break up. I'm so confused, hurt, scared and lonely. I try to be strong, but sometimes just fall apart. I don't want to feel this way anymore!

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