*Ashamed.* I'm very sorry, I feel guilty about being on bad terms with you. -- Enchanted Meadows

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Date Posted: 12:45:41 03/27/02 Wed
Author: Knight
Subject: *Ashamed.* I'm very sorry, I feel guilty about being on bad terms with you.
In reply to: Wind Dancer 's message, "watches them" on 19:51:02 03/25/02 Mon

*Looks at both of them, tears stinging his eyes.* Both of you. I--*Voice cracks and he lowers his head, long black forelock hiding his tear-rivited cheeks.* I--I--*he gasps, then turns and runs from them, unable to stay any longer, and knowing what they will be thinking next: Well, he should be sorry! Good riddance! He deserves to be drowned! Tears flying freely away from his face he smashes his skull against a tree until his face in drenched in blood. Pain shaking and clenching his great trembling body, stabs his own sides and chest and blood runs in quick red rivers.* Be happy without me! *he thinks.* Live your charmed life, Brimstone, Irritated Angel, and Wind Dancer! If you hate me for something I cannot stop then others will too! *Realizing now his terrible mistake of ever thinking he could start over, he groans with terrible, vibrating pain as blood pools around him. He throws his mangled head, white eyes glowing amongst the scarlet. Blinded by grief, guilt, shame and self-hate he sobs hard stumbles to the pond. He raises his bloodied skull and calls on the gods of self-sacrifice. They oblige eagerly, and huge invisable hands hold him under the surface of the pond. Smiling wickedly, the gods drop a huge rock on his head after charming it. It weighed thirty pounds, but it wouldn't crush his skull, only hold it down so he couldn't get up to reach air. Water fills his lungs and he blacks out, knowing only hate for him. He hated himself and they hated him.* What better way to die? *he thinks miserably. Knowing no love. It didn't matter. None had ever loved him. Not parents--they had tried to kill him to many times. Not siblings--being the youngest they were always three-quarters murdering him. He had just wanted to, for once, do something brave and daring. Be a king of something. A king of tts, maybe. But it had been stupid, foolish, selfish and dumb. I mere childish dream. He should have seen that everyone would hate him for who he was.* Why did I fight to live? *he thinks.* I could have let the farmer chop me up. I could have let my parents stab my heart open. I could have let my uncle beat me to death. I could have let my brothers and sisters take my life. I could have let my aunt lock me in the barn and get her human friend to light it on fire. So many times I could have died, but I actually though I could be something great when I grew big. But when you've been told all your life that you're a worthless pile of junk, you want to fight it...don't you? *A deep sigh escapes him in a rush of bubbles and he sees his parents, his dead parents, laughing there heads off as they see the Reaper approach him with the great blade to take his life.* Face it, *he thinks.* You're nothing more then your parents said you were, so why think you are? You're completely stupid, so stop fighting for breath and die...die...

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Replies:

*Enterence* -- Incubus, 15:00:24 03/27/02 Wed
- She gallops over quickly to help -- IrritatedAngel, 01:42:21 03/28/02 Thu
  - *Unconcious.* (NT) -- Knight, 09:43:02 03/29/02 Fri
    - *Sigh* -- Incubus, 10:36:39 03/29/02 Fri
      - shakes her head, -- IrritatedAngel, 11:27:20 03/29/02 Fri
        Gallops over -- Wind Dancer, 09:20:01 03/31/02 Sun
        She comes trotting up slightly breathless -- IrritatedAngel, 12:34:18 03/31/02 Sun
        *Shakes her head* -- Incubus, 12:35:07 04/01/02 Mon
        nods, -- IrritatedAngel, 14:32:59 04/01/02 Mon
        *Trots Over* -- Brimstone, 05:35:47 04/02/02 Tue
        Looks down at Knight -- Wind Dancer, 19:36:58 04/02/02 Tue
        *Opens one eye and groans.* (NT) -- Knight, 08:56:24 04/03/02 Wed
        *Nudges Him* -- Incubus, 15:03:40 04/03/02 Wed
        *Looks around groggily.* Sorry, *he mutters and faints again.* (NT) -- Knight, 14:44:18 04/04/02 Thu
        *Gentle Nudge* -- Wind Dancer, 18:43:25 04/04/02 Thu
        *Awakes once more and stumbles to his hooves.* Sorry... -- Knight, 10:12:12 04/05/02 Fri
        *Light Nuzzle* -- Incubus, 14:56:58 04/06/02 Sat
        *He grins at her, his sense returning.* Thank you, m'dear. (NT) -- Knight, 16:06:06 04/06/02 Sat
        Second Nuzzle -- Wind Dancer, 20:25:11 04/06/02 Sat
        *She gallops in at top speed.* -- Lovely, 16:08:52 04/07/02 Sun
        *He nudges her and whispers softly in her ear.* -- Knight, 09:47:21 04/08/02 Mon
        nods, glad that he has awoken -- IrritatedAngel, 14:45:42 04/08/02 Mon
        Nods in agreement -- Wind Dancer, 09:57:16 04/09/02 Tue
        smiles at Dancer (NT) -- IrritatedAngel, 12:07:13 04/09/02 Tue
        *He eyes flutter open.* -- Lovely, 16:16:17 04/09/02 Tue
        She Watches Lovely and Knight... -- Dancer, 14:16:53 04/10/02 Wed
        (Lets just say it's a few minutes later, K.?) -- Lovely, 17:32:02 04/10/02 Wed
        *Sticks his nose under her belly and nudges her on to his back.* -- Knight, 11:40:42 04/11/02 Thu
        She nickers a goodbye -- Angel, 12:50:00 04/11/02 Thu
        *She smiles as they dissapear over the ridge.* (NT) -- Lovely, 14:35:24 04/11/02 Thu
        Whinny -- Dancer, 18:38:54 04/12/02 Fri
        *Happy* -- Brimstone, 17:32:20 04/10/02 Wed
        Yes she nods -- Angel, 12:51:44 04/11/02 Thu