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Date Posted: 16:39:37 06/27/01 Wed
Author: The object of your frustrations
Subject: It has been brought to my attention...

...that you won't come to Chicago unless you were invited personally. You want it? You got it! All you had to do was ask. Please accept this heartfelt invitation to attend this year's 4th Annual Chicagoland Emergency Vehicle Show.

Need a place to stay? No problem. Once you arrive in Cook County, accomodations will be provided for you free of charge by the fine folks at the Chicago Police department's all-new 16th District lockup facility, conveniently located just off the Kennedy Expressway at 5151 N Milwaukee Ave. Upon completion of the fingerprint check and final verification through A.F.I.S. and the TenPrinter System, you will be whisked away to the also brand-new CPD Central Detention Center located at 1718 S. State Street, where you will be held pending extradition to Ventura County California.

That may put a dent in your itinerary for the weekend, but that's what happens when you threaten people and they follow through on it with legal and lawful police action. And this is no joke. No sir, I'm afraid it's all very real. All the email threats of physical violence and Internet evidence was inventoried, the report was made and then disseminated to everywhere it needed to go: Port Orange, BellSouth, Connecticut SP. You are named as the offender in a criminal investigation.

Unfortunately at the time last month, the female sergeant working at the desk in IA was not aware of that when you came in carrying your pile of notepads and claiming to be a police officer who "drove all night from Detroit". Boy oh boy, were you ever lucky that she didn't ask for ID because that little stunt was a FELONY.

Go ahead. Make an appearance here on July 21st. I hope you buy an open-ended ticket.

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