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Date Posted: 19:15:53 09/09/11 Fri
Author: The Devil Went to Missouri
Subject: George

Date Posted: 00:28:44 03/17/11 Thu
Author: George
Subject: The Devil Went To Missouri

The Devil went to Missouri.
He was lookin' for a brain to warp.
He was in a bind; tithes were behind;
He even would've played a harp.

He found a bespectacled chubbo
Lying in a pulpit and doing it hot,
So he filled himself a coffee cup
And said, "Boy, let me tell you what.
You may not know it -- but I'm a real good liar, too.
I'll bet a corkscrew fane against your brain
Cause I sure lie better'n you."

He said, "My names Willy, and it might take a while;
But I'll take that bet and you're gonna regret,
Cause I do like it's goin' outta style."

[Chorus]
Willy wet your whistle, and keep straight what you have said;
Missouri's a casino, and the Devil owns the spread.
If you can outlie him, well, you'll get this corkscrew fane;
But if you lose, the Devil warps your brain.

The Devil chugged his decaff, and he said, "I'll start off first,"
And his very posture was untruth as revved to do his worst.
He hissed, "Repentance has no use, for the good are in the wrong,"
Then his demon choir rose up higher and sang this anthem song:

[Anthem spoken]
Nothing in the Bible's true, it's just a fairy tale,
Your faith in it is cruel, 'cause it makes the bad folks wail.
You need not throw it in the trash -- just let on that it smells,
By now you know, so don't be slow, 'cause sin is just what sells.

[Chorus]
Willy wet your whistle, and keep straight what you've said;
Hell's broke out in Missouri and the Devil owns the spread.
If you can outlie him, well, you'll get this corkscrew fane;
But if you lose, the Devil gets your brain.

He said, "Joe III's our founder, don't you know?
Not his old man -- we wouldn't sink so low.
God's in trouble and he wants your dough.
We're not perverts; we're just slow."

The Devil didn't say a word: he knew that he'd been beat;
And he built that corkscrew temple at the end of Willy's street.
He said, "Devil, come on back, if you ever wanna try again.
But it's too bad that you've been had, 'cause I never owned a brain."

"Joe III's our founder, don't you know?
Not his old man -- we wouldn't sink so low.
God's in trouble and he wants your dough.
We're not perverts, we're just slow."

(With apologies to Charlie Daniels)

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