| Subject: long time no see |
Author:
bamb
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Date Posted: 11:47:41 05/22/01 Tue
come to think of it, i think it was about this time last year when we started to get to know each other on the message boards. i still find it very funny when we were writing fervously to each other, even tho we both thought we've got two new penpals: i didn't know u, lulu, was the same person as tortured mind, meanwhile, u didn't know ele=bamb !!
it has been a real unexpected gift for me to get to know both u and gum, and thru you two, many other very interesting ppl.
Frankly, it has done me a lot of good psychologically. For it has given me the feeling of a community, or more accurately, a feeling of a family. For a person like me who has been uprooted from my familiar surroundings and people since a very young age and for several times, it's never been easy for me to feel at home in a place, let alone to allow myself to attach deeply to anyone or any place (perhaps that's why I've been single for so many years ^^)¡K.
Anyway, enough so-called psycho-analysis on myself lah. What I really want to say is that I'm glad we've a free space to chat and exchange ideas. I know many of us are busy at works these days, and hence make frequent exchanges difficult, but I still hope we can have some stimulating exchanges from time to time.
Hope to hear about how everyone else is doing lately. Eg. any new discovery on one's self? Any new and exciting experiences to share?
In my own case, I've attended a series of dream analysis workshops lately. Tonite will be the last workshop. I've made some discovery on my unconscious, eg my tendency to get rid of the instinctual part of myself (eg by drowning my cat in the dream, when the cat signifies instincts/sexuality/femininity etc). so now I've to learn to re-integrate that part of myself which I've been trying to disown, yet which keeps coming back to me (like a cat)¡K
Any idea on what I should do? Sometimes I think to myself, why don't I have wild sex with someone and get all the beastly aspect of me out. The problem, I suppose, is to find such a partner¡K (I guess I'm too prudish to go for one nite stand^^)
Oh god, I don't mean to make your message board into my personal ad. I'm merely letting my thought flow freely without inhibition (after all, it's 2:30am already).
Last nite, a friend kindly told me that I should package my appearance before entering the dating scene. Hah, that idea has never occurred to me hitherto. I guess when it comes to appearance I can get terribly stubborn¡K oh sisters, please advise! What should I wear? And if/when I get a date, what do I have to do? When to advance (oh god, that's the part I never know how to do!!)? do I have to initiate the physical thing first? If so, how do I do that?
Oh boy, I'm treating u gals like some madam Nam KungJ
But I'm indeed puzzled, for I have never learnt that kind of things from school, and I doubt if I can apply the whole hetero-etiquette here, can I?
Of course, I know I should simply be myself and just go for it!
I think I've been myself for so long (basically all my life), and the result has been quite futile as far as romance is concerned¡K sometimes I even think to myself, may be it would be easier for me to find a partner if I choose guys instead, for at least I can be lazy!!
Anyway, enough rubbish lah. Don't want to bore u all with my teenager worriesJ
Take care and hope to hear from u!!
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