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Date Posted: 12:28:21 07/21/02 Sun
Author: Goktimus Prime
Subject: Summoner

For anyone who's ever gotten involved in RPGs, you might find this funny...

It's a transcript of the short preview movie for the game Summoner, and involves some of the characters from the game, including one character from Red Faction. Some of you may have already seen the movie -- unfortunately, I don't know where you can download it from anymore, but here's a transcript:

--BEGIN--

SUMMONER TRANSCRIPT
---------------

JEKHAR: Galstaff, you have entered the door to the north... you are now by yourself, standing in.. a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew eminates from the wet dungeon walls.

DEMON: Where are the Cheetohs?

JEKHAR: They're right next to you.

JOSEPH: I cast a spell.

DEMON: Where's the Mountain Dew?

JEKHAR: In the fridge, duh!

JOSEPH: I wanna cast a spell!

DEMON: Can I have a Mountain Dew?

JEKHAR: Yes! You can have a Mountain Dew, just go get it!

JOSEPH: I can cast any of these right? On the list?

JEKHAR: Yes, any-any of the first level ones.

DEMON: I'm gonna get a soda, anyone want one? Hey Graeme, I'm not in the room, right?

JEKHAR: What room?

JOSEPH: I wanna cast "Magick Missile."

DEMON: The room where he's casting all these spells from.

JEKHAR: He hasn't cast anything yet!

JOSEPH: I am though if you'd listen, I'm casting "Magick Missile."

JEKHAR: Why are you casting Magick Missile, there's nothing to attack here.

JOSEPH: I-- I'm attacking the darkness!

JEKHAR/DEMON: (laughter)

JEKHAR: Fine, you attack the darkness, there's an elf in front of you.

RED FACTION TROOPER: (speaking with a lithp) Whoa! That's me right?

JEKHAR: He's wearing a-a-a brown tunic and he has grey hair and blue eyes.

RED FACTION TROOPER: No I don't, I have grey eyes.

JEKHAR: Lemme see that sheet.

RED FACTION TROOPER: Well it says I have... well it says I have blue, but I decided I wanted grey eyes.

JEKHAR: Whatever! Okay, you guys can talk to each other now if you want.

JOSEPH: Hello.

RED FACTION TROOPER: Hello.

JOSEPH: I am Galstaff, Sorcerer of Light!

RED FACTION TROOPER: Then how come you had to cast Magick Missile?

JEKHAR/DEMON/RED FACTION TROOPER: (laughter)

JEKHAR: Yo-yo-yo-yo-you guys are being attacked.

DEMON: Do I see that happening?

JEKHAR: No! You're outside by the tavern!

DEMON: Cool, I get drunk!

JEKHAR: (sighs) There are-there are seven ogres surrounding you.

JOSEPH: How can they surround us? I had Morton Kyton's Magical Watchdog cast.

JEKHAR: No you didn't.

DEMON: I'm getting drunk, are there any girls there?

JOSEPH: I totally did! You asked me if I wanted any equipment before this adventure, and I said no, but I need material components for all my spells, so I cast Morton Kyton's Faithful Watchdog!

JEKHAR: But you never actually cast it.

DEMON: Roll the dice to see if I'm getting drunk.

JEKHAR: (sighs) (rolls dice) Yeah, you are!

DEMON: Are there any girls there?

JEKHAR: Yeah!

JOSEPH: I did though, I completely said when you asked me.

JEKHAR: No you didn't! You didn't actually say that you were casting the spell, so now there's ogres okay?!

DEMON: Ogres? Man, I got an Ogre-Slaying Knife, it's got a plus nine against ogres!

RED FACTION TROOPER: (lowers head and shakes it slowly)

JEKHAR: You're not there, you're getting drunk!

DEMON: Okay, but if there's any girls there I wanna do them!!

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