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Date Posted: 19:01:43 03/08/02 Fri
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 64.12.96.76
Subject: Hey Dave (please read)
In reply to: Dave 's message, "Bill" on 12:26:45 03/08/02 Fri

just wanted to say that i'll send you e-mail soon and don't let what I say lead you to believe you are correct regarding those negative beliefs about life. lord knows you've been through hell more than once, a lot more than I have, I just don't want to trigger or lead anyone to feel bad and lately I really feel that's what I've been doing.
I don't know what happened to me, I planned and dreamed and arranged and organized and tried so hard to make right decisions, and aside from Sandy and Scott's friendship, it's like life has just given me one huge slap in the face
when all I wanted to do was find some peace.
it was too much dave, the car problems,the financial problems, finding a job with even higher stress, but one I must stay in for now, i mean i can only take so much humiliation and punishment before I give up hope, despite my daily "this is what I have to be thankful for" speeches to myself,and then church falling through and leaving my mind so cluttered with confusion feeling as if my life isn't my own,but should belong to god and I should rejoice in my suffering, that we shouldn't expect god to be a problem solver but that we are to take our problems to him when they get to be too much, and I found that friendships never formed,it was all hellos and invitations and when I became a member, it turned into hi,see you next sunday.
I guess I've always been a dreamer and never been satisfied and maybe wantedtoo much and I'm being punished for it I guess.
I don't know, i just feel very dissillusioned right now.
so, that's where i'm coming from,but don't let my situation make younot see the hero in yourself, hear?
you're a survivor and i'm proud to know you.
love bro Bill

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