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Date Posted: 13:42:48 03/17/02 Sun
Author: solie
Author Host/IP: 152.163.201.46
Subject: time to come out of my cave

I've been fighting the symtoms of depression for the past few weeks and i finally admitted today what was going on. Blast, damn, how I hate this gastly disease. I hate having done so well to be going down that hill again. I had slowly decreased my meds til i was on just 1 effexor a day and i upped it again starting a few weeks ago, so hopefully I'll show signs of improving in the near future (a joke!)
My sleeping and appetite is ok though and that has always been the first to go........I am just not interested in anything, my thinking is negative (can you believe that guys?), and i don't care about anything...........All i really feel like i want to do is run away to a dream world.
So here i am in need of support and friendship and company. And I am not good company. I don't want to think. And i want to go to sleep and only wake up when i can smile again. I will probably bore you with my thoughts, but i have to get them out of my head. I hate to burden Leo with these stupid, nonsensical thoughts. I hate depression. Sometimes i think I'd rather have another disease. See how nonsensical the thoughts are?
I am tired and i am tired of being tired. I want to be one of those people who handle life with what seems to be an ease. Who can laugh, when they need to, no matter what is going on. I hate being sensitive. And now i am vulnerable.
thanks for being there to listen, no matter what.
with love,
Solie

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