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Date Posted: 01:24:40 08/30/01 Thu
Author: Michele
Author Host/IP: 63.253.54.38
Subject: Please listen

I come here today with something to share with all of you. This will be sort of an apology, revelation, and pouring out of the soul.

A lot of you know that I am in recovery for alcoholism as well as for codpendency. What I am also realizing is that my addictions have taken on other innocent subjects. I have taken advantage of someting so good and pure and made it apart of my illness. You have all been so very good to me; more tolerant than I could have any right to expect. This board was put together with love, commitment and hard work by our webmistresses who've loved us enough to continue taking good care of us -- caring so much about our shared illness of depression. I admire their dedication more than words can say.

What I am trying to say is that I became addicted here. Trust me to take something so good and innocent and make it part of my illness. For the first time in my life I felt so much love. I couldn't get enough of it. I had more friends than I had in my whole life. Everyone was so amazing. You still are amazing. But I just feel like the biggest phoney of all now. I finally see that I've been searching so hard for love and acceptance and going about it the wrong way. I expected too much from everyone here. And then if I didn't get the attention I sought I'd pout and act childish. Very adult. I am so sorry. It isn't that I don't deserve the honor of your friendship --- but I have to go about it more honestly. I have so much to work out in my life. But I'm scared. That is why I started to spend so much time here. Trying to avoid dealing with stuff. That is what I do. I don't know when or how I got this sick. All I know is that I need help and that I am getting it. Everyone please forgive me for abusing you and for abusing this awesome place that felt so much like home. I hope to be back healthier and I hope that you can all forgive me.

Your friend,

Michele

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