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Date Posted: 09:30:39 06/01/01 Fri
Author: Michele
Author Host/IP: 165.127.188.151
Subject: Three steps back for every two forrward

Bill made a good point about missing the old days when the internet community was close and thriving. Many folks found that it was a healthier choice for them to distance themselves after a while for reasons such as feeling too addicted, feeling more hurt and upset than support after a while. And quite honestly, I have felt healthier in some ways by stepping back. But you never completely recover from depression TOTALLY. Whether the depression is primary or secondary, it is still a disease with which we have to learn to get along with as we travel through this life.

I got to thinking that some people may feel somewhat abandoned by those of us who are taking care of ourselves the best way we can. We can say "oh it is nothing personal" but I'm sure it might feel that way to someone who is hurting bigtime and comes looking for a kind ear and the only thing they hear when they come here is their own echo.

I intend to try and come here to say hi and offer support whenever I can. For a long time I felt that a lot of folks didn't understand my pain. Not that they didn't understand pain, but didn't get "me". That is because until you really walk in another's shoes you can't. I have been lucky to find others out there who've dealth with feelings of inferiority, infertility, post paretem and other midlife mom issues. And people that will talk to me about the reality of divorce (it isn't a clean solution and brings a host of its own problems).. But I still want to be available to you guys. When you're here that is LOL.

I am still one day at a time. Seeing a therapist but I'm not sure if she is helping. It is too soon to tell.

I also want you guys to know that while I'm not here often, you can always get a hold of me if you're looking for support and can't find it. I will try my best to not let you down. Because I do care about all of you. And it doesn't matter if you care about me. Any rejection I feel is my problem and I have to accept sometimes when people have no use for me but refuse to give me closure that is their perrogative and not my business. This is happening a lot to me these days. I'm sure it is all my doing but I just haven't figure out what I am doing to attract these people into my lifes. I have to learn to stop misinterpreting mere kindness for friendship.

Love to all,

Michele

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