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Date Posted: 18:57:10 06/26/01 Tue
Author: Meg F.
Author Host/IP: 165.139.45.120
Subject: Not again...

Hello,
Lately my life has been total crap. I try so hard to see through the B.S. But I feel that I'm falling behind at a quick rate. I'm so tired of everything. So tired of just breathing. I went to try to get Medicaid today. It doesn't look good. The lady was so sarcastic about the whole mental health disability thing. Like I'm just peachy. I guess that'it's pretty normal to run into case workers that are like that. But it's not just that. The moment that I home my father pounced on me wanting to know all of the details. I told him how I probably won't get it and I don't even feel like continuing the process. He sounded like a child in describing how HE would have handled it. He just doesn't get it. I tried to explain that I highly doubt that neither my therapist nor my psychiatrist would say that I can't work due to my disability. But he, once again, explained what HE would do. He can bite me. I mean, I'm not doing well at all and all of what's going on is just making things worse. I hate to say this but I've been feeling suicidal lately. If things get really bad, I can't even go to the hospital as I have no insurance anymore. Plus I still haven't payed off the last time I was in. Which brings me to another point: I haven't been able to find a job for anything. I have at least 20 applications out there. Nothing. I didn't even get any phone calls. At least a job might take my mind off of things. But that's not happening. So, I don't even know what to do. All I can think of is to just sleep the days away so I don't have to be awake to feel anything. If it weren't for the meds that I'm on, I'd probably be drunk as hell right now.

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